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"It's really not easy to raise a child! The child is raised, and you are old too!" Today, the old lady I met in the elevator sighed to me.
"But, if we don't take care of our children, we will grow old!" I blinked at the old lady and said with a smile.
"That's different!" she said, "If it weren't for raising children, we would have lived so freely!"
In 2016, the country fully opened up the second child, and the obstetrics department of the hospital was overcrowded for a while.
Back then, I was pregnant with my second baby.
The fetus must be rushed to the hospital to register when the fetus is 6 weeks old. Before 9 weeks, you must bring all the information to the hospital to build the file and arrange the bed in advance. At 13 weeks, you will have a comprehensive physical examination and go to the inpatient department to officially build the file. Otherwise, you can only ask someone to find a relationship and ask your father to sue his grandmother and hope to arrange the bed.
At that time, I was in an Beijing Grade A hospital, obstetrics department, with 4 doctors and more than 10 pregnant women in the room of more than 10 square meters. There were more than 30 people in the narrow corridor outside. This department receives nearly 300 pregnant women every day. When
was born, the inpatient department had no single rooms, and the double rooms were all changed into triple rooms, and the single rooms were also changed into double rooms. The nurse's original words were: "It's useless to give money, and there is no single room even if you give money! It would be nice to have a bed!"
In 2016, the country fully opened up the second child. In the next few years, mothers who hope to add another family member have already started their journey of creating a person.
By 2018, in two years, these stocks have been almost released. Even the "Year of the Golden Pig", which is widely praised by the people, the number of births has been declining year by year.
data is far away from us, but reality is very close to us.
A while ago, they had a dinner with their best friends. They were both nearly 35 years old and were typical "leftover women" as others called, but they were unwilling to have children, and they didn't even want to get married.
Unmarried best friend A
"Marry, what am I trying to do? Now I make money and spend the same person, how comfortable it is. After marriage, not only do I have to be a nanny, a cleaner, or a chef, but also do not want to die when I meet a powerful in-laws' family? You also have to be careful of mistresses, prevent cheating, and prevent that. I feel tired."
"It's not that I don't want to get married, but my family has been urging for several years. The problem is, I can't find a partner. Those who are richer than me can make soy sauce, but they just want to open a diamond princess who don't want to get married. If they are not divorced, it's okay if they don't have children, but if they have children, they can get divorced if they have children. If they have divorces, they can get divorced if they have children. Is it clean? It's so tiring to marry two families as soon as I get married. "
" Can you accept that those who earn less than me? Of course, it's OK! But men's self-esteem can't stand it."
"I have two goals now, one is to make money, and the other is to take good care of it. In the future, I want to raise a young man. It doesn't matter if he wants my money, but I have money anyway!"
Married best friend B
"Now I'm particularly afraid of having children, mainly because I don't have money."
"It's okay to have children, but I really can't afford it! I have to give him the best from birth Yes, why would you bring an innocent little life to the world? nanny , early education class, the best milk powder, and various newborn supplies. I heard that a stroller costs several thousand yuan. I can’t bear to buy a bag worth several thousand yuan by myself..."
"After the age of 3, I still face various problems, and I see that everyone around me is worried. My house is just next to the subway. If your child goes to school, he will not be allowed to buy a school district house, and he will go out for a few million yuan; there are also future tutoring classes, special classes, and educational and medical travel, all of which are quite expensive."
"If you want to be romantic with your husband in the future, you probably won’t be romantic. After all, there are too many "
" Besides, we are both in the rising period of our careers and are thinking about working hard for a few more years. We have really no money in recent years and have no energy to consider having children."
The best friend of mine who has been raised, C
"I am not doing well, I like children very much. Now my Niu is almost kindergarten, and I really want to have another daughter."
"But do you know who is the most opposed to my family?"
"My mother-in-law!"
"The little girl was raised by her. She said that she was too tired to take care of her again. I must quit her job and take care of her."
"Why should I quit my job and take care of my baby? I stayed at home for a few years and then went out, and I was eliminated in the workplace. Anyway, I was like this, someone took care of me, and I was considering having another one, and I was just taking maternity leave to rest; if no one took care of my baby, I would definitely not give birth."
Then they looked at me together: "How did you do it when you take care of two babies at home?"
gave birth to two babies, quit your job and take care of yourself, and there was no help from the elderly.
is actually just because - I didn't think too much at the beginning, and felt that there must be a road before the car arrived at the mountain, so I planned to be born, raised, reborn, and raised again. The so-called ignorant is fearless, which is probably the case.
Looking back now, even I think it's quite magic .
After all, I really haven’t thought about how much impact a child will have on your life.
The matter of having a child will have a great impact on family relationships and husband-wife relationships - in many cases, this impact may not be positive.
For example, when a wife focuses on the children and ignores the husband's needs, there will actually be problems. But this is difficult to avoid: after all, the younger the child, the more meticulously needed care; as a husband, as a big man, just take good care of himself and don’t cause trouble. Can’t even achieve this requirement?
Gradually, the husband was isolated from the parenting circle.
Especially when the elderly help, my mother thinks her son-in-law is clumsy, and her mother-in-law is reluctant to let her son suffer from work. The women at home have taken care of the matter of parenting. What will men do after they go home?
Play games, play with mobile phones, and make fun of children...that's all.
The less you feel involved, the less likely your husband will resonate with his wife, and the more tired you will be of this so-called "home".
I have also had this experience. I simply stopped and made up my mind to throw a lot of things to my teammates to complete. Gradually, he became more and more capable, and I became more and more able to praise him - the burden on me became more and more relaxed.
With a powerful teammate, it will not be that difficult to take care of a child, at least I am not fighting alone.
As an old mother, I often advise girls around me who have not given birth to children: "Give early, recover quickly, and it is good for the health." At the end of
, I always have to add a carefully: "Of course, it depends entirely on yourself."
A man in order to convince his little wife to have a child, the two of them joined our parenting group together. As a result, after studying and observing in the parenting group for a whole year, they firmly said:
"We still won't have a child. Compared to being a mess, such a fairy-like couple-like day is more suitable for us."
Now, the little wife resigns to draw, raises cats, arranges flowers, and yoga at home. The circle of friends is full of various shows of love - various holiday gifts, luxury bags, anniversary dinners, and check-in at the Internet celebrity travel...
"You can also have this kind of life!" Before leaving the group, they said, "Comparing to the money and energy you spend on your children, these are small expenses."
But if the children have all given birth, you can't put them back.
I have summarized before, why American mothers can take care of several babies with one child, and one child in China is enough to make the big family mess.
Today, I also want to summarize how to take care of a child will be easier.
Learn
Learn scientific parenting knowledge, you won’t panic when encountering problems, but try various solutions in an orderly manner. If you have a calm mind, it will not be so difficult to take care of your children. For example, establish rules and boundaries for children in advance, such as allowing children to develop good living rules, such as communicating effectively with children.
Buddhist
Don’t have to be a perfect mother, because there is no perfect person in the world. We should try our best to give what we can to children; if we cannot give, there is no need to be too much pressure or forcefully give it to children. Children and grandchildren have their own blessings, and their life is not completely decided by us. If we can decide his life, wouldn’t he betray himself?
Rest
As a mother, you must take good care of yourself and have plenty of rest every day. It’s really easy for us to play with our phones. We wake up as soon as we play with our baby, and stay up late as we play.If you don’t have a good rest, you won’t be in good mood the next day. So many times, taking care of yourself starts by putting down your phone.
Let go
Children's growth is the process of gradually becoming independent and gradually moving away from their parents. In this world, there is only the love of parents, for separation. As children grow up, we must let them play, explore, and do it themselves, enhance their ability to take care of themselves, and also help parents do some simple things. When a child can go from needing help to a little helper, it will be much easier.
Now
The child is older and we are old. But this is not the child’s fault!
Whether you have children or not, enjoy the present seriously, so that you will not waste your youth. I have no hope for my children - I may not be able to count on them; even if I can count on them, I will have to wait for many years. If you lower your expectations for your children, you will be more relaxed, and your relationship with your children may be more benign.
It’s not easy to raise a baby, work hard together!
interactive topic
If you can reselect
Will you still choose to have a child?
Let’s share it in the comment area together~
END
I am a cute mother Cecilia, an academic second child mother
If you have any questions or questions about parent-child
Welcome to leave me a message or send a private message
Scientific raising, I hope every parent can grow up with your children
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