21 December 11 "Family Spring" live broadcast room, a mother and daughter came, and they had serious differences on the third generation's educational methods. When a child over three years old cried, the mother insisted on reasoning with the child, but the grandmother emphasized strict discipline and set rules for the child. How did Teacher Fang Zi give advice to her mother and grandmother?
Gao Shan (daughter):
I am always dissatisfied with the people around me. Because of my child, I also learned a lot of parenting knowledge, but I didn’t learn it thoroughly. Now the child will be angry and beat people. He told him many times that he can't beat people, but he has not changed yet. For example, when I go to a friend's house, two children are of similar age and both want the same thing. My child will roar and cry, so I quickly take the child away and reason with him after I go home. After the child was weaned, he cried unknownly, especially in the middle of the night and early, so I coaxed him to say that his mother hugged him, but the child would not let him hug him, so he continued to cry. I was worried that it would affect my family and neighbors, so I forced him to pick him up and the child beat me. My grandmother beat the child so much that she was angry, and the child was also angry. I was so angry that I beat myself up. I had nowhere to vent my anger. My mother stepped forward to interfere and asked the child to apologize to me. The child was unwilling to say it. I said I wouldn't say it. My mother said I shouldn't say that. We don't agree, and she always blamed me for spoiling the child.
Yangyang (Gao Shan’s mother)
Hello everyone! I am Gao Shan’s mother.
My daughter and I have a big difference in parenting concepts. Our starting point is the same, everything is for the good of the child, but I don’t agree with the way my daughter raises her child. When the child cries, his daughter always reasons. How can he understand a child who is less than three and a half years old? How can I listen to it? You can't let your child lose his temper to influence adults. If you are too kind to your child, it will harm the child and will only encourage the child to become more willful. When I see her, I am really anxious. When the child grows a little older, she can't control it at all. During the day, my daughter goes to work and I take care of the children. The children are easy to take care of. There are not so many things. When she comes to take care of the children after get off work, she often makes noise. My daughter and I often make trouble because of this. Please give me some advice from Teacher Fang Zi, thank you!
Fangzi teacher
67-year-old mother, looking back on her journey to this day, what is your biggest regret? Find out the source of this trouble and we will repair a series of relationships.
Your daughter hopes that you will take your eyes away from her, put more attention on yourself, and make yourself happy.
The first point is that the traces left by the past in the heart are like small buds growing all the time, and they will permeate our hearts. Gao Shan’s mother wants to go back, and she must think about how I got my marriage to this point. Even if my ex-husband has some problems of this and that, where is my debt?
We have a student. After 27 years, she learned and said that I finally found a root cause of the disease. Before getting married, I had to have the final say, I had to have the final say, along the way, because of this strength, the deterioration of the relationship between husband and wife. When she understood, the Tao Te Ching said that it was at a low place, what is the low place? It is truly the powerful force in my heart, the heart of great love. When she faced her husband, family, and children again, her life had a reversal!
For Gao Shan’s mother, we still have a long way to go and we need to fix it! Forgive others is to liberate yourself. You watered and fertilized Gao Shan to let her shine on the sunshine. I did a lot, but this seed was sprinkled in the saline-alkali land. Our hearts are repaired, allowing children to grow in the fertile land, and only then can they be bred into a talent with sunshine and rain.
Second point, mother's love for her children is good, but mother is offside, and mother loves the wrong one for the reason of love.In the World Cup, if you have offside, you need to make a free throw, we must go to the position.
When I had two grandchildren, I came to my son and daughter-in-law and wanted to take out my grandmother's majesty and talk. I want to take care of you. My wife is a sensible person, so she told me quietly, "We can't control ourselves, we must be responsible for love, and parents must be responsible for children." I suddenly understood that from then on, I don’t care about it, I grew up myself and I played a good role as a role model.
When something goes wrong with your daughter and grandson. What you want to hug is your daughter, not your grandson, and hugging your grandson is called offside. Hug your daughter, if your daughter is in a good mood, she will hug her mother again. When my grandson saw this scene, it was my grandson who was soaked in his warm arms. When the mother is in a good mood, she will pick up her son with a good mood and squat down to talk to the child.
The growth of children depends on role models! Parents should set an example. From now on, put down the extra things such as Yushizuixing, and you only care about admiring your grandson and keeping a little distance. You don't have to stick to your daughter, she is already able to do so when she grows up. The more you don’t let her go, the more we tied her hands and feet with love and couldn’t run away.
As elders, we let our children witness the changes, learn and grow up of mothers. Even if the marriage was not going well in the past, single-parent families could move towards such a prosperous life and pursue perfection today. You can still influence generation after generation. So, today you can turn around, can you?
Gao Shan, mom and dad are your roots. Refine how to respect parents and have a good mood when you are with your mother.
is off work. When I see my mother at home, I want to be grateful to my mother from the thoughts and wish her blessings! I communicate with my mother once a week, and it’s okay for an hour. Mom, tell me where I’m not doing well? Is this a worrying thing for you? Once you ask this, all your mother’s worries will no longer exist. Gong Chen told us the book "The Language of Parents" on Friday live broadcast. empathy is the heart behind it. The common heart is together, and your mother's heart must be connected.
"Mom, I want to praise you three points." Sandwich effect, three points of praise, you can add a little advice to your mother in the middle. Your greatest love for your mother is to walk with her, clean up the garbage together, build your spiritual qualities, and enable your mother to spend her old age in peace.
(The above questions and answers are from the live broadcast of Fangzi Culture's Spring Festival every Sunday, and the questioners are all pseudonyms)
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