Anxiety is the norm for parents
To be honest, since my child was born, I have never stopped anxiety.
When the child is 1 year old, the neighbor's children can already clearly call out "Mom and Dad", but the son can't even say the simplest "Yiyaya" clearly; other people's babies can say "goodbye" to us with a smile, but the son still doesn't speak out no matter how he teaches him.
At that time, I was anxious whether my son had a language barrier, and I was so worried that I couldn’t sleep every night.
The son is two years old and still stumbling when walking. He competes with relatives' children. Everyone has reached the finish line. He is still spinning in the middle, and finally runs while crying, and accidentally falls a big fall.
At that time, I was worried about his athletic ability and always afraid that something would go wrong with him.
Later, I took him to the hospital to see if there was any solution.
It was found that it was just a false alarm. He was just a little slow, and it was not really a problem.
At that moment, my heart was slightly relieved.
Psychologically defined, the essence of anxiety is a kind of fear, an uneasy feeling caused by unfounded or lack of understanding of objective causes.
is placed on parent-child education, and this uneasy state will be infinitely amplified because as parents, there is a natural bondage between us and our children.
, and because of the close relationship, how the child grows, how his future development, and how others evaluate him will attract our attention, worry and anxiety.
It can be said that nine out of ten parents are anxious. There are no parents who are not anxious in the world. Anxiety is normal, and not anxious is an abnormal state.
But it is worth noting that low- and medium-level anxiety is the motivation to drive things to complete. If you exceed this horizontal line, you will become an emotional killer and become the biggest natural enemy on the road to education.
Find this out, and we can accept everything calmly and start to change.
Be a cruel parent
Only by harvesting an independent child
Remember that the child is 3 years old and is about to enter kindergarten. The sudden separation anxiety often makes me sleepless at night.
The first day he sent my son to the kindergarten gate. He held my hand and refused to let me go. In the end, he was dragged in by the teacher.
My son cried and I burst into tears.
I have thought about letting my child enter school one year later, and I have also thought about quitting my job to accompany me to study. I have repeatedly struggled countless times.
In the end, I decided to be a "ruthless" mother. I would rather let him cry than learn to let go.
In fact, children's separation anxiety has three stages: Resistance-disappointment-despair-detachment.
As long as he goes through the first two stages, he can break free from his anxiety, face the new environment bravely, and start a new life.
If parents are soft-hearted, they will actually cut off their children's growth path.
I am very glad now. Fortunately, I made that decision, otherwise I would never learn to be cruel. He may still be a "mama's baby".
Be a "snobbish" mother
Help children distinguish "poison friendship"
Since the age of 45, the children have entered the "continuing the sensitive period of social interaction".
In this stage, children ended their one-to-one interaction mode before the age of 5, entered the "multi-person" friendship in groups of three or four, and the concept of "small group" slowly emerged in their hearts.
The son was quite well-behaved and polite since he was a child, but for a while, he always inadvertently swears. When children came to his home, they did not take care of and care like before.
I wondered for a long time, and finally found out that it was being taken away.
At that time, several naughty boys in the class spontaneously formed a small group. The boys who did not join would be attacked. In order not to be excluded and appear sociable, the son stayed with them every day and finally learned a lot of bad habits.
For this reason, I was so worried that I thought of many ways to help him get out.
For example:
Take your child to watch a friendship-themed movie, let him think about how to make friends by himself;
performs "cold treatment" to slowly reduce their time together, fade the concentration of friendship, and let poisonous friendship fend for itself;
expands his social circle and takes him to make true friends;
…
Now he knows very well what kind of people he should be with, and he also understands what kind of social circle is the fertile ground for his own growth.
Children are natural observers and imitators. Only when they are with excellent friends can they learn excellent qualities and qualities.
When "poisonous friendship" appears around children, as parents, please be more "snobbish" and remove improper people, so as to better promote their growth.
In primary school, we must pay close attention to the habits of
7 years old, and my son officially became a primary school student.
says that the gap in primary school is often the gap in habits. As long as the habits are well cultivated, the future study will be much easier.
In order to prevent the child from losing at the starting line, I decided to force him to develop good study habits.
also suffered a lot in this process:
asked him to do his homework, but he always slowed down and didn't write for a long time;
asked him to persist in reading, either he fished for three days or healed the Internet for two days;
If you don’t urge him to study, he will never know how to discipline himself;
…
So, during that period, my son and I basically jumped and blew.
But an old mother who is so strong that she can never say give up!
urge and urge it doesn't work, so I chose to shut up and let him bear the consequences of procrastination. After a few times, I have a memory. The importance of reading with
is useless no matter how much it is instilled with him. I picked up the book first and put down my phone. My son naturally felt embarrassed to continue to entertain;
self-discipline has always been a scarce product. If you want him to take the initiative to learn, you have to force him to start.
So, with my hard work, the child has good habits, neither encountering the dangerous "third grade phenomenon", but also successfully avoiding the "second grade crisis".
Exercise is a compulsory course for children's growth
The body is the capital of revolution, and having a good body is the prerequisite for all education.
My son has been weak since childhood. Once, he almost fainted during a school physical examination, but I was frightened.
It was also at that time that I realized the seriousness of the problem, so I worked with him to develop a "Stylish Men Development Plan".
run for half an hour, skip rope for 200 strokes every day, learn swimming on weekends, and learn Taekwondo on holidays.
persevered like this, and my son quickly developed abdominal muscles. Later, he took him to the city marathon and won a silver medal.
is now tall, confident and sunny, full of motivation in learning, and I think the efforts at that time have gradually achieved results.
Children's growth is not only the static words, cold books, warm sweat and jumping bodies, but also an indispensable component in their lives.
If you want your child to study well and have good health, the most cost-effective investment is to take him to exercise and run together.
High-quality parent-child relationship
is a good agent to rescue rebellious rebellion in adolescence
Time flies very quickly, and my son is now in junior high school.
Entering junior high school means that crazy adolescence begins to sweep.
Adolescent children are always very difficult to deal with, and as parents, they must have a deep sense of the same.
Once, my son was sitting on the sofa playing games. I said a few words to him, but he turned out to be like a gunpowder bag, and he exploded at a glance, and said to me viciously:
In addition to studying, you know something else!
I was so angry that I was so angry that I had to teach him a lesson, but the "reasonal brain" still made me restrain myself.
I keep "brainwashing" myself:
This is the golden period for children to grow up. Never compete with them. You must learn to give in and know how to show weakness...
Now my son talks to me about everything, and all the troubles of adolescence are willing to share with me. I know very well how much pain and tears I have swallowed silently.
But I also know that a good parent-child relationship is the most important prerequisite for dealing with adolescent rebellion.
surrender and compromise may seem a bit humble, but it is actually a kind of soft wisdom.
Understand these principles, and in fact, I found a good cure for them.
So, I would like to advise all parents not to confront their adolescent children head-on, learn to calm themselves down and face their mania calmly.
The power of life and death in parent-child relationships is in our hands at this time.
At this time, the more you can tolerate and resist, the more confident and independent your child will be in the future.
Nowadays, parenting anxiety has undoubtedly become the main contradiction in many families.
In the "China Mothers' Anxiety Index" report, it has shown that children's health and children's education rank first and second among the top ten family anxiety factors.
It can be said that the more precious children this generation are, the more anxious their parents are.
But it is useless to just be anxious. If we don’t take action, set an example, and end up exhausting all our strength, we are just moving ourselves.
accompanied my son all the way, and his anxiety never stopped, and his worries were always there. Fortunately, his learning and progress have never slacked off.
Best friend saw my calmness now, but did not see the bitter tears I left over those years.
My son is so outstanding now, it is not a shame for my painstaking efforts and tears back then.
If time can be repeated, maybe I will be more calm.
Finally, I want to tell all parents who are anxious:
What you are anxious about is also experiencing. If you become a parent, anxiety will inevitably run through our lives.
But wise parents will not consume themselves internally due to anxiety and lose their parent-child relationship.
Please believe that as long as we follow the rules of our children's growth and choose the right way to accompany him to grow, he will definitely become excellent, confident, optimistic and upbeat.
click "Like" . I hope we can all be parents who are not anxious, stop endless internal friction, and accompany children to grow up calmly.
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