Parents get divorced, should they tell the truth about their children?
In the TV series "Meeting Season", Ning You and his wife encountered this problem. Ning You chose to divorce because of her husband's cheating, but because her son was only 14 years old, in order to allow the child to grow up healthily and not delay his studies, Ning You decided to conceal the fact of the divorce and still lives under the same roof as her ex-husband.
But the fire couldn't be kept in the paper, and the son still discovered the truth about his parents' divorce. Although he expressed his understanding and support sensibly, the hurt expression in his eyes made people feel heartbroken.
In life, many divorced parents face the same choice as Ning You. The husband and wife decide to divorce. Should such an important decision be told to the child?
When faced with this problem, most parents will choose to conceal it, mainly for the following considerations:
▶ Think that the child is too young and cannot understand.
▶The child is in the school stage and is afraid of affecting his or her studies.
▶Partner wants to maintain his image in the child’s mind, so he disagrees with his partner telling the truth about the divorce.
▶Fearing that the child will leave trauma in his heart, he feels that he has been abandoned by his parents.
Various considerations have led to the child being kept in the dark. Even if some children find that the relationship between their parents becomes less intimate, and after repeated inquiries, they can only get their parents to hesitate and make excuses.
In fact, concealing the fact of divorce is not conducive to the healthy growth of children. Once the child discovers the truth by himself, he will feel deceived and will suffer even more harm. Instead of doing this, it is better to find a suitable opportunity to sit down and talk to your child sincerely.
A netizen once told his experience on the Internet: When he was very young, his parents divorced and his mother went abroad to live. But his growth was not affected in any way and he was still happy because his parents frankly told him about the divorce decision from the beginning, which made him fully mentally prepared.
Later, the parents each formed their own families. He often had dinner with the parents of two families. Everyone loved him very much, making him feel that he was not a pitiful child that no one wanted.
Therefore, it is not necessarily a bad thing to tell the child the fact of divorce. However, during the communication process, parents need to pay attention to these 4 points to minimize the harm the children suffer and increase their sense of security.
1. Comfort the child and convey the love of parents
It is normal for children to feel sad, disappointed or even feared about their parents' divorce. At this time, parents cannot think that their children are ignorant and do not understand themselves because they are in a bad mood. Only by trying to embrace the child and tolerate his anxiety and anger can the child calm down his negative emotions. At the same time, we should send a signal to our children that even if our parents divorce, they will still love him as much as before, and this will never change.
2. Do not slander the other half in front of the child
Some parents like to slander their other half in front of their children after divorce in order to vent their dissatisfaction. This practice is not advisable. No matter what problems arise between the couple, they cannot involve the relationship between the partner and the child. If you often slander the other party in front of your child, it will not only affect the relationship between the child and the parents, but also make the child feel bored of family life and affect the future intimacy and family relationships.
3. Tell your child what changes will he face
Children are afraid of their parents’ divorce. The main reason is that they are uncertain what life will become insecurity. Therefore, after divorce, parents should inform their children about their future plans as soon as possible, such as who will live with for a long time, what if they miss their father or mother, what will change, and what will not change, so that their children can be mentally prepared in advance to better welcome the new life.
4. Maintain a familiar and stable environment
After parents divorce, it is not easy for children to try their best to accept changes in their parents' relationship. At this time, parents should try their best to ensure that their children's lives will no longer have major changes. Unless otherwise absolutely necessary, try not to move out of the original community or transfer to children.A familiar environment can relieve many unnecessary stress and allow children to receive more spiritual support.
No matter what the reason, if parents divorce, the most injured person must be the child. Even without the relationship between husband and wife, every parent loves their children with the same heart. Protect your child's heart and give your child enough love and attention to help him grow up healthily.
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