Recently, I listened to several lessons from the famous psychological and emotional expert Qingyin , and gained a lot. It talks about how to communicate with children and how to make children fall in love with learning and other content.
The most common problem for children nowadays is that they don’t like to study, procrastinate when doing homework, like to play with their mobile phones, etc. The biggest problem for children in adolescence , is that they communicate less with their parents. How should parents deal with these problems?
Qingyin has been hosting psychological and emotional programs for a long time. She has deeply analyzed the underlying logic and methods that parents should have for the audience from the perspective of family systems and psychology.
How to improve children's learning motivation?
When children are very young, it is very important to cultivate their learning motivation. Once they miss this period, it may be difficult for children to fall in love with learning.
1. We must give children the right to learn and control.
We all have this experience and are more motivated to do what we want. If these things are forced to do, or if others arrange for us to do them, then our enthusiasm will be greatly reduced. What is the reason for
?
comes out of our emotional brain. If our emotional brain cannot be mobilized when doing things, then our motivation to do things is not strong.
Human beings are born with the instinct of loving learning. If we turn this instinct into an obligation and require children to complete it, then children will feel that they are forced to learn, and we unconsciously deprive children of their initiative in learning.
Therefore, children will procrastinate if they can. If they cannot procrastinate, they will complete their homework neatly according to the requirements of teachers or parents.
Maybe you will say that the child has completed his homework in a tidy manner. Isn’t it good?
In fact, in the hearts of children, they only regard learning as parents or teachers to deal with it, and they do not understand the joy of learning at all.
What did parents do wrong?
Qingyin believes that if parents care too much or die too much, the children lose control and lose their initiative in learning.
For example, parents always nag when their children do their homework, why do they write so ugly? Should you eat some fruit or something like that?
Imagine if we always have someone pointing fingers around when we are doing things, will we be happy?
Not to mention whether we are happy or not, just looking at the concentration is deprived. We can still calm down and do things, but we definitely can't.
On the contrary, if a child has the right to control his own learning, the effect will be greatly improved, so it is time to return the control to the child. How to do
?
Qingyin believes that we parents should control our mouths and change the way and content of our parents and children talking.
Qingyin reminds us that when you see the first thing your child says, you should pay attention to it, don’t mention learning as soon as you get home, but care about your child’s mood and praise your child’s performance in school. Don’t look at your children with a critical eye, but with an acknowledgeable eye.
Of course, we cannot create something out of nothing, but we need to specifically explain what we see. For example, seeing that the child is in good condition today, you can objectively say that he looks in good condition today.
Qingyin believes that the procrastination of children is urged by parents. Therefore, as long as parents keep their mouths under control and do not just urge their children to do their homework, the children can take the initiative to study in and .
Then as long as the child starts to study, you should retreat to the second line. Don’t try to touch the child’s sense of presence in front of the child, because doing homework is a flow experience and we cannot interrupt halfway.
2, actively hypnosis.
In life, many of the words spoken by parents are negative and negative, such as self-deprecating, self-limiting, complaining about others, etc.
Qingyin believes that negative language is the growth environment for potential poor students. In other words, poor students are all cultivated by their parents' negative emotions and negative language.
For example, we often say, why am I so unlucky today? Why can’t I even do this well? That person is not easy to get along with at all.
When it comes to children, they are not merciless, and it is easy to confuse them. For example, you have this kind of virtue, and you have only half of your brain with just this ability. How about it? If these flowers are placed on ourselves, can we still perform well?
Qingyin believes that parents’ language is the fate of children.
In psychology, there is a phenomenon called learnt helplessness, which means that when doing certain things, or in certain aspects, we will subconsciously draw an upper limit for ourselves, believing that we cannot surpass this boundary. If this continues, we will not be able to break through ourselves and lose many possibilities. This is especially true for children. The language of parents is their upper limit and pattern, which determines their destiny.
Therefore, parents' concerns sometimes become curses for their children, because our concerns are actually conveying information that their children are not capable in some aspects.
For example, my parents said I was just worried that you would not concentrate on listening in class, and subconsciously told your children that you were just people who listened in class without focusing on listening in class.
Once a child has that curse in his heart, it is easy to give up his efforts in learning.
Qingyin suggests that we should give our children positive psychological hints, the specific method is to use language hypnosis.
Tips 1: Help children recall successful examples or experiences and help them regain some sense of accomplishment.
Tips 2: Tell your child that you have just not solved this problem for the time being, so that the child can see more possibilities and hope for success.
Skill 3: Most of the knowledge depends on the level of effort rather than talent and IQ, telling children to just work hard and not the result.
Remember, children are just young, not stupid; children are just not hardworking, not stupid.
Every parent is a psychotherapist for his children. By modifying our voice mode, we can change the fate of our children. .
3. Shape a child’s learning brain.
An brain science expert once suggested that we learn because of happiness.
Just imagine, if this thing doesn’t make us feel happy, would we be willing to do it? Maybe it was because of helplessness.
The same is true for children's learning. If we always give negative feedback to them and .
For example, if a child’s math grades are not good, we should not always say that you have done so many mistakes and don’t even know how to do such a simple one. Just get such a little score. You must be more careful and work harder. Some parents even compare their children with other children, which will damage their self-esteem and self-confidence.
In this way, when children think of learning and think of your evaluation of them, their learning experience will not be too good, and it would be strange if they are not tired of learning.
We might as well guide our children to see their own highlights. For example, when the child gets the right question, we can say that you did a good job in this question, how did you do it; or tell your children that you have made progress in learning during this period, what methods did you use, etc.
This way, children are associated with happiness when they think of learning, and it would be strange if they don’t like to study.
4, language
, all say that children are our biggest career, and we must do this career well while the children are still young.
Children are our hope, and parents should spend more time on their children’s education.
The responsibility of parents is not to teach their children much knowledge in textbooks, but to cultivate their learning driving force. With this internal driving force, children will benefit throughout their lives.
cultivating children's learning driving force requires our parents to iterate their own cognitive concepts.
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