What would you do when you are walking on the road and suddenly someone stops you and calls out your name, but you find that you can't remember her name at all?
A while ago, I went to the kindergarten to pick up my child and encountered such an embarrassing thing. At that time, I was hurriedly walking through the crowd. A mother shouted to me, "Mom XX, the child has not come out yet, you line up here." When I turned around, I was about to say hello, but I couldn't remember whose mother it was. I could only end the topic with "Oh, I came late today and thought the child was out." After receiving the child, I racked my brains and still couldn't remember who the other party was. This matter has been kept in my heart and it is difficult to turn it over for a long time.
It was not until I read the "Guide to Find a Word" that I realized that I was not alone. Although it is embarrassing to forget someone else's name, it is a very common thing in social life. Anyone will encounter such a problem. Even the author of this book, a doctoral in communication disorders, who has been in the 30-year career, is no exception.
《Guide to “find something without words”
Although forgetting names often happens, remembering other people’s names is also a basic politeness. American interpersonalist Dell Carnegie once said: A simple and most important way to gain favorable feelings is to remember other people's names.
Is there any way to let us remember other people’s names?
①Remember consciously
When we introduce ourselves to each other with the first time people, we usually spend more of our attention on how to introduce ourselves to others, rather than focusing on listening to what the other person introduced. Therefore, if you want to remember someone else's name, the first step is to repeatedly emphasize to yourself: I must remember his name today.
name usually appears at the beginning of self-introduction. Be sure to focus, stay alert, and be ready to capture this information at any time. When the other party says the name, if you are not sure which words it is, ask directly; if you don’t hear it clearly, you can politely say, “Please tell me your name again.”
② Repeat the name, apply
in multiple scenarios and know someone’s name, if you don’t use it, you will be forgotten soon. The response method is to recite the name several times, quickly build verbal memory, and repeat it in multiple scenarios.
The author gave an example. When someone introduced Ron Tonotti to him, he tried his best to remember the name, so he brought Ron's name in every conversation.
"Oh, I'm so happy to know you, Ron."
"Ron, do you want to sit at our table?"
"Ron, how long have you retired?"
Repeat is the mother of memory. The more times you repeat, the deeper our memory will be. Repeating the other person's name multiple times can effectively help us deepen our impression of others.
③Use the association method to memorize the name
If a person's name can be linked to a scene we are familiar with, then this name will have a different meaning to us.
I recently met a new friend named "Xiqian", but when she greeted me the first few times, I couldn't remember her name, only knowing that she was my friend's cousin. Later, I realized that everyone around me called her "xixi", so I deliberately linked her to my sister (Xixi) and never forgotten it since then.
The author mentioned that her own exclusive private memory skills helped her remember many names. Each of us can also cultivate the habit of remembering names based on our memory habits.
④ I really forgot, just ask
Even if we have made a lot of efforts, it is difficult to ensure that we can remember everyone's name. After all, the memory of the human brain is limited, and we are learning new knowledge while forgetting old knowledge.
So when the awkward scene comes again, how do we deal with it?
method is very simple, and I ask directly and sincerely:
"Hello, I'm very happy to see you. Who are you?"
"I'm so happy to see you, but I really can't remember your name."
"You have to help me, I can't remember your name at all."
Let's relax! People don't get mad at us that we can't remember his name, after all, it's very common.
is written later
This book is very suitable for people who "think they are social terror and are eager to change". We say we don’t know how to chat, but in fact, we mainly talk about not chatting with strangers (or people who are not very familiar with them). However, before a friend becomes a friend, he is also a stranger. So come out boldly, use the author's methodology, start with chatting, and make more friends!
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