Everyone says intelligence is born, but in fact the so-called "natural" is 0-3 years old .
All good habits of children should be cultivated and formed at the stage of 3-9 years old . It can be said that "six years of hard work and sixty years of happiness."
When parents don’t know how to do it, remember this one: Encourage, motivate and respect children from the bottom of their hearts.
Good habits are capital, and bad habits are debt.
Cultivating children's good habits can benefit them throughout their lives. How should parents help their children develop good habits from an early age? On November 25, Liu Wan, a senior teacher at Middle School and one of the top ten teachers' ethics model in Shenzhen, was a guest at the "Family Education Forum", discussing the topic of "Strategies and Methods for Cultivating Good Habits for Children", and sharing the "roadmap" of habit development .
"Three elements" to leverage a good habit
As parents, they all hope that their children have excellent qualities such as cheerfulness, confidence, sunshine, and diligence, but they often complain that their children "can't do anything, can't learn anything". They are also children. Why are "other people's children" so perfect, but their children give parents a headache? Teacher Liu Wanyan said that each child’s growth trajectory is different, and children with good habits can achieve more comprehensive development, which can save parents more effort.
good habits are not innate and require timely guidance from parents. Teacher Liu Wan said that there are three major factors in developing children's habits, namely, stimulates children's motivation, based on their abilities, and having opportunities to trigger.
He further explained the "three elements" of habit development by sharing a short story: a few years ago, a little girl transferred to Shenzhen after finishing her third grade in her hometown in Shandong. In her hometown, her classes are only Chinese and mathematics. After arriving in Shenzhen, I learned English from scratch, and my classmates were versatile but I knew nothing about it. The girl was very inferior because of this. Her parents and teachers both helped her greatly in learning English. At the same time, the child has a strong athletic talent, so her parents encouraged her to find confidence in sports. Gradually, she was not only the leader in Sports Games , but also caught up in learning. Now, the girl is a doctoral student at of the Chinese Academy of Sciences.
Liu Wanshuo Teacher continues to interpret this girl's experience. "motivation" is "students can sing and dance, but girls don't. She hopes to be a student with good character and learning like in her hometown." "based on the child's ability" is "at the sports meet, the girl is a sports athlete, stimulates her confidence in sports, and transfers to other aspects such as learning." "opportunity triggered" is "the girl's excellent performance in the sports meet."
Liu Wanshuo Teacher believes that as long as parents grasp these "three elements", they can start their children's behavior through timely guidance and slowly form good habits.
"Three Steps" secret to developing good habits
There is currently a common view that you can develop a habit after persisting for 21 days. In fact, there are many examples of people who persisted for more than 21 days and ended up in failure. Scientists have done a lot of research on how habits form. Among them, professors from the Department of Brain and Cognitive Science at MIT discovered through experiments that the process of developing the brain is a three-step circuit.
In this regard, Liu Wanyan said that the power of habits is huge. If children want to truly develop good habits, parents need to master the "three-step" secrets of - hints, rewards, and habitual behaviors .
The first thing to do is to hint.So, how should parents "hint"? Parents can leave notes for their children to write words to motivate them, or make some linguistic hints, and parents need to set an example. For example, parents taking the subway take the initiative to give up their seats to others, which is to give their children hints and examples of "respecting the elderly and loving the young".
Speaking of rewards, Liu Wanyan believes that parents can set some rules for their children to reward, such as rewarding a piece of chocolate after the run. At the same time, punishment is also required. This is done to internalize habits into behavior, thereby ultimately solidifying behaviors and setting habits.
In cultivating habitual behavior, Liu Wanshang suggested that parents should try to create conditions for to allow children to do fixed things at a fixed time and in a fixed place. can also try to sign a "Behavior Contract" with their children. Parents and children jointly set a reasonable goal, which will neither be too high nor too low, and will be in line with the goals that are in accordance with the actual situation of the child. Secondly, rewards and punishments should be stated in the contract. "Contract for Behavior" is not only formulated for children, but also for parents.
When children and parents work hard and supervise each other, parents' role model behavior can also give positive feedback to children, so helps children turn "hints, rewards, and habitual behaviors" from outward-oriented promotion to a "loop" of self-reinforcement, so that habits can be truly formed.
cultivate good habits since childhood, and follow the "map" in three stages
To address the cognitive development laws of adolescents and the focus of family education , Liu Wanshang shared the "roadmap" of habit development.
He divides the habit development of teenagers aged 0-16 into three stages: the unlimited care education stage of 0-3 years old; the strict standardized education stage of 3-9 years old; and the 9-16-year-old friends appreciation education stage 2.
Teacher Liu Wanyan believes that 0-3 years old is a critical period for children's brain development and physical and mental development. "Before the age of three, the brain will develop to about 80% of the maturity stage. While parents create a sense of happiness and security for their children, they should also give their children more sensory stimulation." He emphasized that it is not necessary to attend early education classes for their children, but to communicate more with their children, take their children to contact nature more, and let their children know the world more.
In the unlimited care education stage of 0-3 years old, Teacher Liu’s specific suggestions to parents are: rich sensory stimulation, diverse movement experience, training of refined hand movements, exercise suitable for children, and never pulling seedlings to encourage growth.
He also believes that says intelligence is born. In fact, the so-called "natural" is 0-3 years old. Parents must pay attention to giving their children enough love and support in early education, and lays a solid foundation for their children's growth path.
Children enter 3-9-year-old . In the eyes of Teacher Liu Wanshuo, it is a period of strict and standardized education. He pointed out that this stage is the process of children starting to transform into "social people", which means it is a critical stage for developing good habits, and parents' requirements for their children should be simple and clear and not nagging. In the early stages, children may become unaccommodating, and parents need to "persist gently" on the basis of respecting their children.
" All good habits of children should be cultivated in these six years . It can be said that 's hard work and 60 years of happiness'." Teacher Liu Wanting emphasized that parents should focus on cultivating children's habits in these six years in the past six years . He said that allowing children to participate in directional off-road and other activities can improve their knowledge application and practical ability; adhering to one or two favorite exercises can not only strengthen their body, but also cultivate children's important psychological qualities such as willpower and self-confidence. Both parents and teachers must establish the concept of "sports are the first moral education"; 6-12 years old is the "difficult period" for children. Parents should encourage their children to learn necessary housework skills such as laundry and cooking, so that their children have a sense of participation and responsibility in life, thereby inspiring and cultivating their children's internal motivation and self-reliance and diligence.
Teacher Liu Wanyan pointed out that children aged 9-16 have entered adolescence, and strict education methods may be resisted by children, so parents need to treat their children like friends. He reminded parents that in the face of adolescence, wise parents should do "dad is ahead, mother is behind" , which will help the formation and development of children's personality.
At present, many families have more or less the status quo: anxious mothers, absent fathers and emotionally out of control. Teacher Liu Wanshang believes that mothers’ love to nag is indeed the source of emotional outbreaks for many adolescent children. Therefore, he reminds parents that in family education, is more important than method and relationships are more important than content.
Parent-child relationship focuses on communication. In family education, many parents will be confused that "the more they communicate, the more rebellious they are." Teacher Liu Wanyan said that in fact, what parents need to do at this time is to encourage, motivate and respect children from the bottom of their hearts.
In response to the phenomenon that many teenagers are addicted to mobile games, Liu Wan said that the teacher gave parents advice - "Five Sentences" to help children quit gaming addiction.
first sentence
(find a suitable time) Mom and Dad know that you don’t want to indulge in games either. In order to help you play less mobile games, your parents have caused you a lot of grievances. (release respect)
second sentence
In order to make you addicted, game developers use professional knowledge such as education and psychology to design and develop, so the game has such great temptation, and it is not your fault. If you like games, it means you are a very curious person. If you can get out of the game, it means you have self-control. With curiosity and self-control, you will definitely become a great player in the future. (Let your child reduce self-blame and motivate his children.)
The third sentence
We are not completely stopping you from playing mobile games, there is no problem playing occasionally. We want to tell you that you should do important things at important times, plan your time well, and control the time you use your phone. (Empathize with children and respect children)
The fourth sentence
How to plan your mobile game time, how do we help you? If you agree, we can make an agreement and jointly abide by and implement it. (Respect the child)
The fifth sentence
You are a child who can manage yourself well, and we believe you can handle this matter well. (positively suggest, motivate children, respect children.)
Teacher Liu Wanyan said that good habits are capital, and bad habits are debt . Parents must pay attention to the cultivation of good habits of children. At the same time, he reminded parents that children are not the children you say, but they will become the children you say. "The bottom line of family education is to not hurt children's self-esteem. Parents should cultivate good habits in their children on the premise of respecting their children, so that good habits can come naturally."
Source | Shenzhen Youth Pi
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