"Don't bother me while playing!"
doesn't beat or scold the children, but they rejected them for a long time.
New type of domestic violence is taking place, but the child has nowhere to escape.
A home, you can’t just have “air conditioner”
As a family, without quarrels or accusations, isn’t it the ideal “home”?
If you listen to the story I told, you may have an answer in your heart.
In the French award-winning animated short film "The Scar Club", there are four children who encounter violent incidents.
The scars of three of the children are all red, and there is only one little boy, and the scars on their bodies are blue.
Not only did he not think this scar was ugly, but instead felt that it was simply a star printed on his body.
Other children laughed at him, but the little boy firmly believed that his mother would understand his thoughts.
So he went home and asked his mother: "Friends say that scars are ugly, are mine too?"
Mom didn't say anything, but just turned the sound of the TV to the maximum.
But the little boy was unwilling to give up, and he continued to ask: "Mom, Mom!"
Mom put his hand on the boy's forehead. When the boy thought his mother wanted to comfort him, he was pushed away.
The boy looked at his mother watching TV from afar, with only disgust and frown on her face.
So, the boy changed, his face covered with blue scars.
The previous confidence and happiness are gone, only inferiority complex has always followed him.
When I was watching this short story, my heart kept twitching.
The mother does not beat or scold her, but uses indifference to extinguish the child’s passionate heart, making the child sensitive and inferior.
This kind of violence that does not beat or scold is called "new type of domestic violence".
ignores it, it is the cruelest punishment for children,
Cold violence, and it has never been the patent of the adult world.
It is like sharp steel needles, silently piercing into people's flesh and even the heart.
This is especially true for children.
In the CCTV program " Psychological Interview ", there was a female college student who made people feel so angry.
She is in good health. She graduated from a higher education institution and has never looked for a job in ten years. Instead, she stayed at home with confidence.
While lying on his parents, he also constantly blames his parents.
Why is there such an "unfilial" daughter?
The reason is that we found that it is not unrelated to the upbringing of parents.
When she was a student, she liked to draw. But when she showed her work to her parents, the response was: "What's the use of liking that? You can't do anything!?"
grew up a little, and she tried to cook. But when she brought the freshly cooked food to her parents, she received the comment: "So much water is enough, it's not OK to cook a meal!"
Until now, the matter of her staying at home has been made public. When she sat in front of the camera and shouted: No matter whether I did it right or wrong, she only knew how to emphasize the result! "
still got a cold look on his face: "What can you do when you stay at home? Nothing accomplished. "
But we can't understand the behavior of our daughter. But when we retrace her life experience, it is not difficult to see that:
is a cold and violent parent who has cultivated a self-deprecating daughter.
parents, don't be bad reviewers for children
Contemporary parents all pay attention to scientific parenting, and we read the parenting books that say: Don't beat or scold, raise good children!
So, we don't do anything and don't talk, but adopt a more terrifying attitude: indifference and neglect.
When the child is holding a puzzle and rushing to play with you, you say: "Don't bother me, you're busy! ”
When the child was excitedly holding the words, he asked: "Dad, do you think I'm drawing beautifully? "You didn't raise your head: "Yes.""
When the child makes a mistake, you frowned, push them aside, and ignore them at all...
The attitude of the child is a "bad review" one by one for the child!
Mom ignores me, is it because I am not doing well enough? Dad doesn't play with me, does he love me?
Fan Deng said: "For a child, the biggest fear is that his father ignores him, and his mother doesn't want him. ”
Physical violence may cause temporary physical trauma to children, but the mental trauma caused by emotional violence will accompany children for life.
Children who have been under cold violence for a long time have only two ways: either be inferior and sensitive or give up on themselves.
So what should we do?
1. Positive response.
Psychology has a attachment theory l10 means that the intimate relationship between parents and children when they are young will become the internal operation mode of the child and affect their life.
Every child is lonely and helpless when he is young. They need to receive feedback to build confidence for themselves.
But if you don’t respond, it will only destroy the child’s unconditional love and destroy his sense of security in interpersonal relationships.
So, next time the child calls you, no matter how busy or angry you are, please say first: "Mom/Dad hears it! ”
2. Specific encouragement.
Someone may say, “I have a response, I have said ‘wait a moment’. "
But the feedback the child needs is timely. You have to "wait" and wait a little longer. The child still feels that you are alienating him and gradually loses his sense of trust.
Can you say: "Can you wait for me for another 5 minutes? You are such a patient kid. "
language not only specifies the waiting time, but also tells the child the value he has paid for waiting.
3. High-quality companionship.
If the child is waiting for you to play building blocks next to you, and you are just playing mobile games next to you.
Sorry, this is not called companionship, it is called "staying in a space".
The company that children need is not just a body, but a heart that is truly with them.
What you need to pay attention to is quality, not quantity.
Cold violence is also violence. When it begins to spread, it will cause a fatal blow to children.
May we all use a hot heart to cultivate children and let them thrive in the soil of love.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-