psychologists say that the most obvious disadvantages of raising children is spoiling and taking care of them, which will have a greater negative impact on children's growth.
We have always been taking care of our children ourselves and have not had such an experience.
01
Some time ago, my nephews and nieces came to play here, and their grandmother was with her. After two days of time, I finally experienced the various problems caused by the elderly taking care of their children.
finally understood why my sister-in-law always complained that the two children had poor hands-on ability, poor living habits, and did not know how to feel sorry for others.
niece loves shrimp. She is already 9 years old, so there is no problem with peeling it yourself, but grandma will peel it one by one, dip the sauce, and put it in her bowl. If it is not enough, grandma will give her own portion to her granddaughter;
nephew doesn't like pork. After eating some, he pours all the rest into grandma's bowl. Grandma continues all over the plate, without any objection...
ate one meal, which made me feel very uncomfortable.
You say you blame grandma, she loves grandma too much; you say you blame children for being ignorant, this is too unfair to them, it is obvious that they are spoiled like this.
When washing up at night, the children didn't want to change their underwear and brush their teeth. Grandma might be trying to save trouble and didn't care.
sister-in-law is a mother who loves cleanliness. She has been cultivating the children's hygiene habits with care.
But grandma was not at ease. She was always trying hard to get on the side, and on the other side, she was taking the lead.
The result is that in front of the mother, the children are fine. Once they leave the mother, everything will be let go. I won’t talk about hygiene habits in
. What’s more troublesome is that I’m too spoiled by the children.
As long as the child likes to eat, grandma can give them the portion she has. The child doesn't like to eat, and then take everything to her own bowl.
This is too easy to cultivate a child into a self-centered and ignorant of gratitude.
love should be given normally, love is mutual, but don’t just care about the children but lose yourself. In the end, it will be more than worth the loss to raise the child into a ungrateful wolf who does not care about his family.
02
Some time ago, I chatted with Niu Niu's classmate's mother and found that she was also facing the big trouble of an elderly person raising children.
classmate's mother said that when the two children were in elementary school, grandma began to come over to help take care of them.
Home hygiene and three meals a day are all very good. She has always been very grateful for her mother-in-law's efforts. When her mother-in-law comes, she can work without distraction.
But what gave her a headache was that her mother-in-law especially likes to train her children and loves to label them badly.
For example, if a child occasionally has dishes he doesn’t like to eat, she will say, how can he grow taller if he is so picky?
If the child is slow to do his homework and gets up a little late, she will scold her, will procrastinate when she is working, and she will definitely lose her future when she grows up;
If the child encounters difficulties in doing things and is anxious to cry, she will also say "I don't have the brain, but I only know how to cry." After she finished speaking, she would feel that she was educating her children. If she said this, the children would do the good.
classmate's mother was particularly speechless. She only found that the child was more picky in food, more procrastinating, and more timid in doing things.
puts negative labels on children, which is also called negative hints in psychology. If you say too much, over time, the child will really develop towards negative development.
psychologist Beckor said: "Once people are labeled with some kind of tag, they will become the people marked by the tag."
so, when the elderly unknowingly use this bad educational method, we must communicate with the elderly.
should stop this negatively labeled preaching method as soon as possible, and should affirm and encourage children more.
03
Old people who like to label negative tags generally have another characteristic, which is that they are very long-winded and love to interrupt children. This is the case with the grandmother of the classmate above
. For example, when the child wants to deny his grandmother’s negative comments on him, he is often interrupted before he finishes his words.
Once, the child didn't want to eat fish steamed by his grandmother, saying that he had thorns and ate it slowly.
Grandma said, you are not afraid of thorns, you are not delicious.
The child said, no, there are still many homework that I haven't written and want to finish my homework as soon as possible.
result before the words were finished, grandma said that the child was picky about food and found so many reasons. The fish is so nutritious, and it is smart after eating.
kept talking nonstop, and the child had to finish eating slowly before writing.
This grandmother not only likes to interrupt her children's speech, but also likes to interrupt her children's work. Although she is not intentional, her impact on her children should not be underestimated.
Their sister is still in kindergarten and she especially likes painting.
Grandma likes this little granddaughter very much. After finishing the housework, she will run to the child to see how she draws it.
But often this time, it is a painful "critical scene" for the child. The paintings drawn by the child will be guided by her in various ways, and the lines are not in line with the color.
Grandma "has kindness" to make the child draw normally, but what she doesn't know is that the child is still young, and it is normal to draw poorly while constantly exploring.
grandma does this and only plays a negative role. One is to destroy the child's creativity, and the other is to affect the child's concentration.
And over time, the child's interests will gradually be wiped out.
has a great impact on children.
To sum up, there are elderly people who spoil their children, love to take care of them, love to put negative labels, and love to interrupt children. We must communicate with the elderly in time.
Handle a space for the child as soon as possible, so that he can learn to grow independently and focus on doing what he loves.
It should be noted that when communicating with the elderly, you should pay attention to methods.
It is not easy for an elderly person to give up their comfortable elderly care life and experience a life of raising children again.
And the old man is indeed kind-hearted, and his original intention is to be good for the children, but she doesn't know that now, he can no longer use the previous method to take care of children.
praises the old man's good work first, affirm her selfless efforts, and then slowly solve the problem.
questions are raised one by one, solve one, and then mention the next one, don’t come together and talk about it, it’s not good if the old man is angry and leaves.
Does your elderly have a bad way to take care of their children, and how did you solve it? Welcome to leave a message to share.
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Author introduction:
Lin Xiaoqing, a working mother born in the 1990s, writes parenting, chats about life, likes reading books, and hopes to "read with the feelings of life, and live with the gains of reading."
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