Lele has been smart and cute since childhood, and the whole family regards it as a treasure. Lele almost grew up with the praise of adults. He can walk, and the adult said, "You are awesome." He would have a meal by himself, and the adult said, "You are so awesome." He could wear

　　Lele has been smart and cute since childhood, and the whole family regards it as a treasure. Lele almost grew up with the praise of adults. He can walk, and the adult said, "You are awesome." He would have a meal by himself, and the adult said, "You are so awesome." He could wear his own clothes, and the adult said, "You are so smart."

　　Lele is very confident, he feels that he is the best child in the world. After going to kindergarten, Lele changed a lot. He is often unhappy and is unwilling to go to school, so it is useless to persuade him. When asked why, he didn't say anything at first, but later he told his mother that it was because the teacher always praised other children, but did not praise him.

　　Not only that, according to the teacher's reaction, Lele is very brave in kindergarten and dare not try new things. If something is not done well, his frustration will be very strong. For example, once a life teacher taught the whole class to fold quilts. Lele couldn't fold well. He cried very sadly, and the teacher comforted him for a long time.

　　The teacher told my mother that Lele's current performance has something to do with the praises he has given to him. Because adults always praise him for being great, smart and amazing, the child cares very much about the results. The child becomes unwilling to try things that he is not sure about because he is worried that he will not do well, which will make him look bad and not smart.

Children who are often praised will care very much about other people's evaluations. When they do things, they do not like the things themselves, but are eager to get praise from others. When they don’t get things done or get the compliments they want, they will feel very frustrated.

Children need to praise, but praise children requires methods and methods. Wrong ways of complimenting are not conducive to children's progress, while correct ways of complimenting can help children recognize their strengths and gain confidence and strength. So, how should we praise the child?

　　 First of all, praise the child must be specific. Many parents always use words such as "you are awesome", "so smart", and "so amazing" when praising their children. This expression is too general, making children unable to realize where they are doing well, and it is not conducive to their continued good behavior.

　　For example, if a child is learning to use chopsticks, the adults should not just say "You are awesome" after seeing it, but should be more specific: "Baby, I found that you can pick up food with chopsticks, and it has not fallen off, and you have gained skills again!" Such compliments will make it easier for the child to understand and will help them continue to maintain good behavior.

　　 Secondly, we should praise our children's hard work and diligence. If we always use words like "good" and "smart" to praise children, on the one hand, it will make children become conceited, and on the other hand, it will easily retreat and avoid when encountering challenges. They are only willing to do things they are sure of to prove that they are great, and doing so is not conducive to their progress.

　　American researchers once conducted a study. They asked the kindergarten children to solve some problems, told the children in the first group that they were very smart, told the children in the second group that they worked very hard, and then assigned some tasks for them to complete. As a result, most children who are praised for their smart choices choose easy to complete, while most children who are praised for their hard work choose challenging tasks.

　　 Finally, praise the child to be sincere. Although there are many ways to praise children, the most important thing is sincerity. Children are very sensitive. If adults’ praise is perfunctory and exaggerated, they can feel it. Such compliments will make the child feel stressed or disgusted.

　　 So, when adults praise children, they need the facts. There is no need to praise what children should do, such as completing homework carefully, organizing their own schoolbags, etc. Don’t be too purposeful when praising your children. In order to help your children study hard, some parents will say, “Baby got 90 points in math this time, keep working hard. I believe that you can get more than 90 points in other subjects.” Children may not accept this statement.

　　 In short, remember that the purpose of our praise for children is to let children know themselves correctly, keep positive behaviors, and give them confidence and courage. If you deviate from this direction, you need to make changes.

　　This article is original by "Guo Lifang Psychological Studio". You are welcome to follow, like and comment. The article is not reprinted.