Hello everyone, I am Cuckoo Mom~
At the corner of the street, I saw a little boy jumping behind his mother. He raised his neck and asked excitedly, "Mom, guess how many points did I get?"
It's a pity. Before I could hear my mother's answer, they disappeared at the corner.
This question of boys has aroused my great interest. I also want to ask you, how will you respond when your child says this?
1, the first question: "Mom, guess how many points did I get?"
I happened to see a speech video by Wang Jiqiong, Dean of the Heart Times Parents Research Institute, and I was deeply touched.
His son also asked happily, "My grades are out, dad, how many points did I get in math?"
My son is usually around 70 or 80. Judging from his excitement, he must have done a good job this time. If it were you, what would you do?
is not appropriate to say that 100 points are combined? Of course,
is not suitable. People are still very happy, but when you come up, you are full, and the child immediately becomes weak and his smile gradually disappears: "That's not."
Teacher Wang Jiqiong answered: 80.
The child's eyes lit up and he was anxious: "No, no, guess a little more."
Wang Jiqiong added another one, 81.
The child was so anxious that he stomped his feet: "No, guess a little more."
Wang Jiqiong continued to add, 85.
The child's head was shaking like rattle : "Oh, guess again, guess again."
The child's expectations are increasing little by little, and his pride is also increasing little by little. He is more anxious than you!
When you guessed a little bit from your child's usual grades, he was very energetic. Finally, he was extremely proud to announce the answer: "I finally got 90 points!"
Usually only get 70 or 80, and this time I got 90. What would you react?
I have met some parents. Although they are happy, in order not to make their children proud, they pretend to be calm and said, "Although there is progress, you are not allowed to be proud, have you heard?" Or maybe I have a little regret: "90, in fact, if you have to be more careful and serious, you can do better in the exam."
Why do many parents complain that their children are unwilling to talk to me?
Why don’t you want to talk to you?
because it's boring.
You can guess and chat to death when you come up. What else does the child mean? How could he be willing to make things boring?
We often say that chat is an art. It is really an art to chat with parents and children. Only when a conversation with a child is interesting and can arouse his interest can he be willing to talk to you, rather than just taking a detour when he sees you.
When you hear your child’s progress, please cooperate with him with your wisdom and excitedly: “Wow, is that so good!”
2: The second question: “Mom, are you happy?”
child’s grades have improved, and you are also happy in your heart. So the child then asked the second question: "Mom, are you happy?"
He did well in the exam, are you happy? How to answer? Happy, or unhappy?
is it right?
is wrong! Why is
not right? Come and see the "standard" answer.
Wang Jiqiong looked at his son very seriously and told him: "Son, Dad is very happy to hear you, so Dad is very happy."
I read the comment section, many people said that when they hear this sentence, they burst into tears without realizing it.
Does parents love their children? Of course love. But does the child know? uncertain!
Many children, from childhood to adulthood, think that what their parents love is only their scores, their grades, and their achievements, but what they don’t love is the child himself.
We are happy because the child is happy, not because he has passed the exam for 90. So, we are happy for his joy. What are the differences between
? Of course there is a difference between
, and it is a world of difference!
You are happy because he is happy. What you convey to your child is: I love you, not anything other than you.
If you are happy because he scored 90 points, what you tell your child is: I am happy for this score.
Every time the child does not do well in the exam, you will be unhappy, and if you do well in the exam, you will be happy. What will he think after a long time? It turns out that I did well in the exam to make you happy!
Then one day he gets angry with you and rebellious, and he won’t study hard or take the exam hard. It depends on how happy you are!
As Teacher Wang said, many children are disgusted with learning, but what they hate is not learning, but parents.
So, your answer determines his future achievements.
" Non-violent Communication " also said that when communicating with children, please use your senses, such as "I see" and "I hear".
When the child gets good grades, when you come back to report good news to you, please tell him:
"Mom sees that for this exam, you have been preparing for several months, looking for information, remembering knowledge points every day, and constantly training, and mom is happy for you.
Hearing you say, you are very happy, so mom is also very happy."
Please convey your love to him in the form of encouragement rather than praise. Children’s path forward will be easier and more motivated!
3, the third question: "What is the reward?"
children get high scores, and most of them have an idea: "What is the reward?" What is the reward for
? Reward money? Award toys? Or is it a prize?
is not!
What Teacher Wang said to his son was: "Dad will give you a big hug when you go back."
What do you want to hug? It's too unreal, so it's more realistic to give some material rewards. The child will have his own thoughts: "I don't have high requirements, I want to drink the milk tea I drank last time."
The child is not greedy, and this requirement is indeed not high. Then what do you want to say? Refreshly answer "Okay"?
not!
He did well in the exam and asked you for material rewards, you agree. Then this matter has become a transaction. Every time he makes progress in the future, he needs to rely on material to maintain it, and you will spoil him.
Teacher Wang’s answer to his son, I especially agree with:
"Child, you are my son, I am your father. Even if you are not in the exam, you can tell me that it has nothing to do with the exam. And, Dad also decided to give you a big hug."
The child drank milk tea, but he would not think that this was "in exchange for" his high score, but because his parents loved him. So, he can drink milk tea.
And, if you do well in the exam, what you get is not material rewards, but hugs, and the inner support of your parents. Only children like
will have what we call "internal drive" and "sense of security".
Actually, if we think about it carefully, is this the case when we treat children?
Even if the child is the last in the exam, do we just want him? Is he not allowed to enter the house? Don’t buy him clothes or give him food?
does not!
Just like my nephew quarrels with my brother and is angry and refuses to eat. My brother will still leave the remaining shrimps on the table in his nephew's bowl.
No matter what the child is doing in the exam, we will still try our best to meet his requirements, provide him with life guarantees, and do what we should do.
Because, he is our child. We give for him because of family affection, not because of his high scores.
4: What affects a person's sense of happiness?
Harvard took 75 years to track and survey 724 people to study where a person's sense of happiness comes from. Among these people, there are top talents who graduated from Harvard, and there are also the most ordinary and even poorer.
Researchers found from this 75-year survey that what affects a person's happiness is his intimacy.
The child establishes love connection with his parents and establishes a close and intimate relationship. His brain function will be more active, his body will be healthier, and his sense of happiness will be stronger.
has a protective effect because of its good and warm relationship.
Especially for children, they need to build a sense of security and parents need to give him a sense of security. Only by feeling safe and loved can he grow up with peace of mind.
And he is more likely to live a happy life.
Teacher Wang said the last sentence, I agree with it very much, and I want to give this sentence to everyone:
"I would rather have a child with a conscience than a child who takes the exam first, but has no love for me."
encouraged me together!
[Pictures are from the Internet, invade and delete]
Author profile: Cuckoo's mother, a mother who is good at observing, thinking and has a way. Focus on children's psychology , understand the easy raising of children, follow them if you like it~
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