text | Xiaohu
What is gratifying is that today's motherland has long been a garden, and there are all kinds of bright flowers in the garden. Sadly, our children, "everyone smiles on their faces" are getting farther and farther away from them. Children are angels who come to the world with love and begin to find a better self, but their confidence and motivation are emptied by the clutches of violence. They disappear prematurely in spirit, and even leave with hatred. How sad?
Our family education is quite ill. Just like having a hand, it has a natural resistance to scientific educational methods that are truly beneficial to children, but it is always supported and corrected. It can be said that it is a confusion of black and white.
Just in these two days, a short video made me very angry.
A primary school student has a score of 91 points in the midterm exam, which is quite good, but he was beaten by his father when he got home because his child did not do well in the exam and was careless. The child cried, but he could only blame himself and blame himself for not being successful.
The mother next to her was very angry and immediately stopped and condemned her father's behavior, and then comforted the child. But among the many comments below, few people really feel sorry for the child, while a lot of people support their father, and many people say that mothers should not intervene and stop them.
Screws like
are the accomplices who hurt children. Where is their conscience? How many children have broken their wings, seriously injured or even died? Whether it is educational reform or caring for children, the first thing to do is to eliminate such scum.
Today we are going to use this point to get to the topic of children's learning.
When it comes to children's studies, a lot of parents complain, blaming their children for not working hard, not being motivated, not being self-disciplined, careless and careless.
It is certainly necessary to study hard, and it is certainly not necessary to be careless and careless, but parents should figure out the reasons for these situations from the outside to the inside, that is, what is the truth about the child's "not working hard", how to fundamentally solve the problem, and then act resolutely, and everything is based on beneficial children.
The truth about the child "not working hard" is that he is emptied of confidence and motivation by the clutches of violence.
If a child is not motivated and does not know how to work hard, it is absolutely nonsense from any perspective.
Every child, from the first day he came to this world, has been curious about the world. A pair of small eyes, looking at the people and things around you every day.
From three turns and six sits to seven twists and crawls, the child uses his small body to perceive the world. I can walk, and I don’t worry about being tired every day. I am happy when I walk outside and walk in front of adults.
Seeing that adults could easily get things from high places, they also yelled to ask them to lift them up to get them. I want to do whatever adults do.
After he could speak, he began to ask the adults about the 100,000 reasons in his heart. Every time he did something well and learned a new knowledge, he would be happy for a long time. Which of these needs supervision? Which one is not automatically spontaneous? Isn’t these enough to show our children’s innate ambition and curiosity?
Before the child enters kindergarten, most of the parents’ education of their children is relatively normal. Children usually hold them up and coax them when crying, often squat down and open their arms to greet the child with their arms. The child threw himself into the adult's arms, and his bright smile was written on his face. The adult's smile gave the child the warmest response.
However, such a beautiful moment is too short. From the moment the child enters kindergarten and at the latest it is to primary school, the child gradually begins to find the happiness he used to be. Many children are not only not regarded as children, but are not even regarded as human beings.
Every age group of children has the corresponding ability to develop, learn various knowledge accordingly, and comprehensively cultivate morality, intelligence, physical fitness, aesthetics and labor. This is a necessary experience in growth. Children can constantly discover beauty from what they want to do, and have a spirit of persistence that adults do not have.
However, adults' surging anxiety, urgent utilitarianism and various discouragement complaints came like a tsunami, which was the beginning of a child's nightmare.
Every child is an angel with various excellent potentials. If parents and children are both teachers and friends, block all anxiety, carefully discover the child’s excellent aspects, strictly follow the child’s growth rules, believe in the child, and wait for the flowers to bloom, how wonderful it would be? Will children who grow up like this be bad?
But, for some reason, so many parents are willing to spend a lot of money, but they are unwilling to use more care where they really need to be attentive, completely forgetting the ancient sayings such as boosting growth, sacrificing the roots and going in the wrong direction. Force children to do things beyond their abilities and learn knowledge beyond their age.
Originally, according to the child's existing abilities, a certain knowledge cannot be fully mastered without the accumulation of ten days and half a month, but the child is required to teach him twice and have to have a plenary session. The child does not have this ability, but he still works hard, but where can he be seen?
is either being scolded for being decent, or being blessed with violence. If you fail to meet the adult standards, you will be criticized and denied to be worthless, and you will be labeled as being not working hard, self-disciplined, stupid, and careless. A violent clutch like
won't take long to emptie children's confidence and motivation. The value of life has disappeared. Whether it is learning or doing anything, there is no hope. I do it for some reason. How can I work hard in this state? What is the origin of the law?
Even so, the child can still persist for more than ten years day after day. How strong is this?
The "not working hard" and "carelessness" of children are actually all appearances, and the truth is that confidence and motivation are hollowed out by the clutches of violence.
people have an instinct, that is, they strive to do better for what they like to do, and they will only try every means to escape from the things they are bored from the bottom of their hearts. Confidence and motivation are the most powerful support for perseverance. As long as children’s curiosity and curiosity are protected, self-discipline is the natural result, otherwise it is impossible.
So please ask yourself, how long has it been since you praised your child? When you complain that your child is not hardworking, self-disciplined, and careless, first think about what study can bring to your child? Who took away the confidence and motivation of the child? Have you seen the child’s efforts day after day?
No child does not want to be better, because the child comes from various excellent potentials. The reason why the difference later depends on family education.
Education is a very rigorous science, and children's growth has extremely rigorous laws. If you ignore this, there will definitely be problems.
If parents know their role, are not anxious or impatient, keep empathetic to with their children, follow the rules of growth, be moderate and scientific, and continue to play an active role in the growth of children at different stages. This is the weapon used by children to defeat the "monsters" of growth. A very powerful educational force affects children, and children will definitely not be bad.
If you insist on doing your own way, make subjective conjectures, ignore the child's growth rules, ignore the child's personality characteristics, do not know how to enter the child's heart, be rude, and force the child to follow his own standards, it is a companion of the "monster" that hinders the child's growth. The huge destructive force will completely extinguish the hope of the child's growth.
For example, the dad below is an excellent role model. In the
video, the little boy was eating bread while answering his father's questions seriously. His father's encouragement made the child smile on his face.
"Which is the last time this time?"
"Which is the last time this time."
"What's the last time last time last time?"
"Okay, there is progress, will you get another ranking next time? Come on."
"Okay."
"Okay."
According to this father, this video was taken in the second grade of elementary school. From childhood to adulthood, the most important thing for children is physical and mental health. As for learning, it doesn't matter which place you get, just make progress.
Now, this little boy is in the fifth grade, and he has made a counterattack from the bottom of the class to the top of the class. Behind this is this wise father playing an active role.
Today, our children, who are averse to school, depression and even go to extremes, have increased and their hollow disease among students in prestigious schools is becoming more and more common. These are enough to show that there are very serious problems in family education today, and it is time to pay attention to it.
Can we still believe in the complete nonsense of "study cannot be happy", "never expect children to be self-conscious", "not let children lose at the starting line", "strict father and kind mother", "a filial son from the beginning"? No, of course not, absolutely not!
The author always believes that although words such as "children are the future of the motherland and the hope of the nation" and "a strong youth means a strong country" have been said for many years, the world is too unfriendly to children.
Just like the scumbag father mentioned at the beginning, there are countless similar behaviors. Every time I stabbed the child in the heart, but the voices of support continued to increase, and countless accomplices.
Children, it's really hard.
Where did not meet the requirements of adults, your own efforts will not be seen, and you will also be subjected to language violence and behavioral violence.
Adults are in a bad mood at any moment and have nothing to do with their children, but they often become adults' punching bags.
is pitiful?
Eating, clothing and use are material needs for children's growth, and spiritual wealth is the pillar of children's soul. If there is nothing but material but no soul, no matter how rich the material is, it will only be extremely empty and unable to get interested in anything, and there will be no beauty or happiness at all.
How cute and respectable the child is! Even though my body, mind and soul have suffered all kinds of torture, I still love my parents unconditionally.
As parents, don’t we feel ashamed of our children?
If you want to say "You don't know how hard it is to raise a child", then can you do whatever you want by working hard?
The wind and rain of delivering takeout come and go. In order to earn that little money to support the family, don’t they work hard? According to this logic, can they just rush around and ignore the safety of others' lives?
It is of course very hard to raise children, but the happiness you gain is far from what you have to raise a kitten or a puppy. Happiness or pain depends entirely on your own mentality, and only you can save yourself.
If you want to say "everyone is a parent for the first time", then can you be perfunctory when doing it for the first time?
Your job is to create value for the unit. Can you be half-hearted when doing it for the first time? You can obviously do it well but don’t do it carefully and bring losses to the unit? You said it was your first time doing it, can it be used as a reason? Will the leader agree with this explanation? No matter what, you must do your best. Some inevitable shortcomings are normal, but if you do it carefully, the nature will be completely different.
Everyone has a first time doing anything, but the result is completely different from doing it with care and not doing it with care. What's more, parents are their children's growth mentors. Is this something that is allowed to be done without care?
If you want to say "Although the method is inappropriate, the original intention is good", then will the original intention be supported if it is good?
In summer, children will also catch colds and fevers. If they wear thick cotton coats and pants on their children on hot days, the reason is that they are afraid that their children will catch a cold and fever. This original intention is also good, but what will happen? Can such a thing be done?
What is the original intention? It depends on the right or wrong. Children's education is different from other things. Education is based on happiness. Only by protecting children's happiness, adding happiness to children, and protecting their physical and mental health can we be strongly supported. Anyone who causes harm to a child, no matter what his original intention is, cannot be forgiven.
If you want to say, "We don't want this either, but the society is fierce, what should we do if we don't?", what is the contradictory logic?
Has society let you ruin your children? It is a fact that fierce competition, but since this is the case, we must work harder to protect our children's body, mind and spirit, so that our ideals, beliefs, self-confidence and self-improvement can accompany our children in order to be more competitive. What a pathetic paradox that it is to know that competition is fierce, but desperately destroy what can bring competitiveness to children!
Just like some young people who have bad living habits and ruin their bodies early, what they do is completely their own choice, and has nothing to do with others or society. Society is composed of people, just be yourself.
Children who are healthy physically and mentally are not allowed to work hard. It is impossible for a child whose confidence and motivation are emptied by the clutches of violence.
Nowadays, the world is undergoing unprecedented changes, the popularity of higher education is getting higher and higher, people’s needs are becoming more and more subdivided, and job demands are bound to usher in new changes. In the future, we will not be competing for high-scoring schools, but spiritual qualities. The main components are ideals, beliefs, self-confidence, and self-improvement.
Parents are resolutely changing in the direction of scientific parenting, which is the most urgent growth need for children today, no doubt about it.
*The pictures in the article are from the Internet
[Extended Reading 1] The increase in the number of students who hate school, depression, go to extremes, hollow diseases, and graduates are the tragedy brought about by the reverse effect of the utilitarianization of family education.
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