What should parents do when facing a child with "tempered"?
The "three principles" mentioned by famous psychologist Jane Nelson may help us deal with this problem calmly. The "three principles" of
are:
- 1. Seize the opportunity of education;
- 2. Try to let children cooperate;
- 3. Mutual respect.
When many parents meet children with temper, they often don’t know how to deal with them properly. Sometimes parents fail to control their emotions and will also have conflicts with their children, affecting the harmony of the parent-child relationship.
Teacher Brad also encountered this problem. He has a student named Jason, who is a typical "rare temper" who often roars in class.
Jason's actions gave Teacher Brad a headache, and he couldn't tolerate students' violations of classroom discipline. Although Teacher Brad was very angry, he tried hard to restrain his impulses and did not directly conflict with the students in class.
Teacher Brad finally made up his mind after thinking for a while. After Jason made another mistake, Teacher Brad still chose to restrain himself as usual, but unlike in the past, Teacher Brad asked Jason to come to his office after school this time.
In our past impression, once a student is invited to the office by the teacher, it is very important. Basically, he has to "enjoy" the "treatment" that was severely criticized by the teacher. Of course, Jason thought so.
However, for Teacher Brad, although the period before meeting with the student office was not long, it just happened to calm down his excitement. Soon his mood became calm, which was also considered a "active pause" in terms of psychological education.
Finally waited until get out of class ended, Jason came to Teacher Brad's office as promised. He was ready to be severely criticized by the teacher. But what surprised Jason was that as soon as he met, Teacher Brad said to Jason: "First of all, thank you for giving up the precious time after school and sharing problems with the teacher."
Teacher Brad's attitude surprised Jason. What Jason did not expect was that the teacher did not criticize himself, but instead expressed his gratitude to himself.
Jason was a little surprised, so he also gave a "return gift": admitting that his rant-like tantrums in class were wrong, and apologized to the teacher.
After the teacher and student reached a settlement, Teacher Brad next proposed to Jason to discuss solutions to the problem (wrong) together. Students become important participants in solving their own problems (wrong) instead of just unilaterally educating students, and teachers have the initiative, while students have only the obligation to passively accept them.
Jason obviously is not mentally prepared. At this time, he chose to tell the teacher why he had "caused trouble" in the past. He said: "I can't help but make other students always make me angry."
At this time, as a teacher, the ideal way to deal with it is to help the child remove the excessive psychological burden and let him take off the "bad temper" tag on himself.
Immediately afterwards, Teacher Brad said something beyond Jason's expectations: "I understand your feelings very much. Sometimes I am also angry with others!"
Teacher Brad is actually thinking of ways to empathize with the students " to ". Jason was very curious about this: "Can such a well-educated teacher be furious by others?"
Jason also got a psychological hint from the teacher's words: "Whether it is a teacher or a student, they will have a bad temper, but a bad temper is not innate and cannot be changed. As long as you work hard to change, you can change this bad temper." This psychological hint is actually equivalent to helping children "take off bad labels."
Teacher Brad also taught Jason a skill of "emotional control". He told Jason: "When a person loses his temper, his body will have a great reaction. Have you noticed it? For example, the shoulders will become hard, and there will even be hard stuff in his stomach! Next time, when you lose your temper, let's pay attention to the body's reaction together, okay?"
This is a skill to teach children to shift their attention from the brain to the body's reaction when they lose their temper. In fact, it plays a role in diverting children's negative emotions.
This is because, from a psychological point of view, when a person loses his temper, if he consciously shifts his attention to a certain part of his body and looks at his strong reaction, it will be easier for a person's negative emotions to calm down. Parents can apply this technique to their children as a training method of "emotional control".
After Jason went back, he was quiet for about a week, and finally couldn't help it. He completely forgot about the "emotional control" technique and got angry again. Teacher Brad stepped forward and placed his arm on his shoulder. This is a body language that can bring your relationship to your child in a short time.
Brad said to Jason: "Have you noticed what your body reacts now?"
Jason received a reminder from the teacher and immediately began to pay attention to the changes in his body. His attention had shifted to the changes in his body at this time, and his anger naturally disappeared quickly.
Temperament cannot be cured in one go. Teacher Brad used many methods to guide Jason patiently step by step.
After teacher Brad's efforts, the boy's temper improved a lot after a few months.
From the entire education process of Mr. Brad, it is not difficult to find that Mr. Brad used Nelson's "3 principles" of education: seize the opportunity; strive to let children cooperate; and respect each other. Finally, it effectively solved the problem of students' "hard temper".
We parents can also get educational inspiration from it, learn from Mr. Brad's method of using the "3 principles" of Nelson's education.
As long as our parents’ educational methods are right, children can ultimately achieve the goal of changing their "hard temper".
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