In recent years, the rate of suicide in children has increased significantly. Why is this? Children sing the opposite tune, which is the clarion call for "seizing power". According to relevant research, the rebellious period of life begins at the age of 2. When children find them

In recent years, the rate of suicide in children has increased significantly. Why is this?

Children sing the opposite tune, which is the clarion call for "seizing power"

According to relevant research, the rebellious period of life begins at the age of 2. When children find themselves separated from the world, they become self-centered at an astonishing speed.

The existence of "self" makes them not want to be dominated by others, and they are eager to become adults like their parents who can "I have the final say". does not accept other people's opinions and arrangements, and always likes to talk about "no"; it is very autonomous, has his own ideas and stubbornness, and always loves to "fight" with his parents...

And from the senior grade of elementary school to junior high school, the second rebellious period begins, and from then on, the "great journey" of working against his parents: talks back, disobeys, and fights against his parents, and becomes furious when he disagrees, challenges his parents' authority without hesitation, resists the control of his teachers, and even commits irreversible behaviors such as self-harm and suicide when he encounters dissatisfaction.

Even if parents suppress their anger and calmly tolerate their unreasonable behavior, they will often feel disappointed in the face of reality.

Myocardial infarction is extremely humble and dusty. It is probably the most true portrayal of parents at this stage.

Picture Source丨《Youth Pi》

"I don't want you to think, as long as I think", in order to get rid of parents' control and seize autonomy. And the role of parents has to change. The former "guardian" must now be transformed into a "guardian".

Rebellion is the "standard configuration" of growth

seizure power, and what you want is independence. Independence means the struggle and pain of "breaking out of the cocoon and becoming a butterfly".

Whether it is the germination of self-awareness at the age of 2 or the maintenance of sovereignty during adolescence. The so-called rebellion is actually a sign of the gradual maturity of children's mind. "Confrontation" is a growth declaration, which indicates that he begins to break free from his parents' shackles and pursues independent thoughts and behaviors.

Every seemingly rebellious action contains strong vitality behind it. It is the child learning to control and manage himself, and looking for and establishing self-identity.

The book "You are the answer: Living a unique self" points out: "When you meet your child's rebellion, psychologists often tell their parents that this is a war of independence initiated by their children. You will definitely lose, and you'd better accept this earlier. Otherwise, you just seem to win, but in the end you will lose even worse."

It's a pity that many parents dare not let go, nor are they willing to let go.

You think those children who like to sing opposite tunes, challenge authority, and collide with the system are not deliberately trying to oppose their parents. Instead, they just want to show their personality through this behavior, attract people's attention, and find their true "self" through attention.

So, when the rebellious period children come in a fierce manner, parents, don’t panic and give way!

Image source丨"Little Joy"

Three psychological effects teach you how to deal with children in the rebellious period

Although the child has grown up physically, he is still psychologically fragile. If you want to be independent, you don’t have enough ability. I want to get rid of it, but I can't be independent.

Picture source丨"Xiaoshede"

So they can only "do" to test and test their parents, and what parents should do most at this time is to catch the children's work and then give the purest love.

What should I do?

. Dart effect:

The harder it is, the more it is counterproductive; the looser it is, the more it wins over the relationship

In psychology, the dart effect refers to "things go against your wishes", just like throwing a dart in one direction, but the dart flies in the opposite direction.

only stares at the target, but does not pay attention to the methods, and will not achieve the goal in the end. Wanting children to not be rebellious is the goal we focus on. Simply suppressing them seems to be the easiest way to approach the goal, but in fact it will only push the children further and further, and even become more rebellious.

What children who "disobey" need not be arrogant and direct, but put down their airs, talk equally, listen patiently, and give their children more time and space.

You take one more step back, and he will get closer to you one more step.

. Retinal effect:

As the eyes are, find more advantages

As the saying goes, parents are the mirrors of children. How a child sees himself depends on how his parents view his child.

This is also the inspiration that the retinal effect hopes to bring to everyone: when we own something or a feature, we will notice more than ordinary people whether others have this feature like us.

If parents are picky and difficult to communicate, their children will naturally be disobedient and difficult to get along with.

A child who has grown up in the face of parents' provocation and obstruction for a long time is vigilant and is always in a "wartime state" of refuting and self-protection, so their rebellion will look more violent. And their inner definition of themselves will gradually be limited to the negative traits that their parents often nag.

Picture source丨"Little Joy"

On the contrary, if parents can focus their attention on their children's strengths and reduce their attention to their shortcomings, each child will absorb more positive cognition and encouragement.

There is a very classic saying in the book "Teaching Optimistic Children": Children are like sponges. They not only absorb what you say, but also the way you speak.

You want your child to shine, and you must first see the light on the child's body in your eyes.

, Owner's effect :

First form an alliance and win over your own people

Many people complain that children in the rebellious period cannot speak well.

But the reason is actually that parents think that “communication = reasoning”, while children need “communication = heart-to-heart talk”.

Meishan, Sichuan once conducted a questionnaire survey of 4,000 primary school students. The results showed that only 1.6% of children believe that parents are willing and truly chat with them.

psychology professor He Lingfeng once put forward a "people" view: "If parents want to know their children more, they have to expose themselves more. The more parents expose themselves, the more they will expose themselves."

pic source丨"Little Joy"

Compared with the principle of being tempted by the principle of keeping in touch with children, opening up your heart to maintain " emotional resonance " with your children, let go of your parents' identity, chatting about the embarrassing things you had when you were young, the fallen one's lessons you learned. When the relationship is closer, the heart is closer.

This is what psychology calls "one person effect": let the other party classify you and him as similar people, and the words "one person" will be more trusted and accepted.

Image source丨Zhihu

Every child in the rebellious period is actually on the road of exploring himself.

What parents need to do is not a guide, but a guard. There is no need to issue orders, just escort.

Endure the calm for a moment - close the mouth that wants to nag, control the hands that want to help, and relax the anxious heart; take a step back and the vast sky - just give a smile of support, a positive look, and a tolerance embrace;

In the end, let children find the courage to move forward, their self-recognition, and their expectations for growth, and open up their own blue ocean of life.