At nine o'clock in the evening, after my daughter was sleeping, Pao dad said hello to his wife, entered the study alone, preparing for tomorrow's plan to take care of her children.
plan is very detailed. It includes three meals of complementary food and staple food production on the second day, game projects at home after breakfast, what time to go out for a walk, preparing to guide children to learn, and shooting parenting video scripts. In addition, he also summarized some of the problems encountered in raising children today, including finding that his daughter was not strong enough with children of the same age and did not like to eat a certain snack.
The habit of taking a dad has lasted for more than two years. My daughter was born at the end of 2019 and had just been promoted to her father's father, so she began her "full-time husband" career.
Talking about this experience, he concluded that there are two biggest problems: one is that social disconnection, and the other is that the wallet is getting thinner.
Papa followed an online survey on the post-90s generation: If the financial conditions allow, are you willing to be a full-time father? Or, are you willing to be your own husband to be a full-time dad? The survey results show that nearly 50% of men born in the 1990s are willing to be full-time fathers, but only 30% of girls born in the 1990s want their partners to be full-time fathers.
Image source @Tencent News Guyu Data
In the TV series " Our Marriage ", behind the female elite in the financial industry played by Jiang Xin , there is a husband who is a full-time father. In the play, this full-time father encountered various problems such as criticism from his neighbors, contempt for his parents-in-law, and his wife disrespects his work value.
But Pao Dad said that he cares more about economic issues than value.
Papa has calculated the calculations. For two and a half years, his wife's salary has never been able to cover the family's expenses. The family's savings are decreasing at a rate of 50,000 or 60,000 yuan a year. At present, the remaining deposits can probably be maintained until his daughter finishes kindergarten.
Pain in the workplace has also brought some workplace practices to the career of full-time fathers. , such as detailed work plan, and timely summary and review.
Before her daughter was born, Pao dad started a business with his friends in Wuhan to open a studio to take on some business of event planning and project execution. My daughter was born at the end of 2019. More than half a month later, the epidemic broke out. During the months of home isolation, the studio without business had to be dissolved.
Papa started his life as a "family husband" at that time. However, at that time, he thought it was just a transition. At that time, Pao Dad was planning a new entrepreneurial project while taking care of his wife and children. When his wife's maternity leave was over, the two of them went to work and the elderly took care of their children.
Life is not as smooth as planned.
During the months when the elderly helped to take care of their children, the two generations got along very hard, and the living habits and habits of taking care of children were too different. In the words of dad, it took too much energy to get along with generations. A group of people worked hard to take care of their children, and the results were not as good as one person.
The idea of a full-time dad appeared at that time.
During the epidemic, Pao dad and his wife discussed and weighed the pros and cons every day. The two first reached a consensus on the issue of "One person must resign and take care of the family" , believing that the care and education that parents bring to their children is irreplaceable to others.
After carefully analyzing the family situation, the two believed that the financial conditions were not too much hindered: before marriage, the elderly at home purchased the house in full with the help of the elderly. The two did not have too high consumption habits. With a little savings in their hands and the salary of one of them, they were expected to be able to support their children in kindergarten.
The two have been weighing the issue of who will take care of their family full-time. Most similar families have women quit their jobs and become full-time mothers, but at the dad's house, this solution does not seem to be the best solution. Pao dad’s wife is an elementary school teacher, and her income is not high but very stable. At that time, my wife spent a lot of effort on the teacher exam. Once she resigned, this "iron rice bowl" would no longer exist, and it would be extremely difficult to re-employment in the future.Pao Dad has been starting a business for many years and is more mobility. It doesn’t cost much to be a full-time dad. He originally had the idea of starting an educational institution. By taking full-time care of his children, he could personally experience some educational rules and gain something, and he would accumulate experience for his future business.
"I was starting a business, so I'd like to continue starting a business later. I don't need to consider how to compete with young people after returning to the workplace."
After the epidemic in the city where I am located eased, my wife returned to school to work, and Pao Dad officially started her career as a full-time father.
Papa’s daily life is perfectly divided into two parts evenly. My daughter gets up at eight or nine in the morning and goes to bed at eight or nine in the evening. She needs to take care of her children during the day, and the twelve hours of her evening is her own time. I get up in the morning to prepare breakfast, take my children to play at home, prepare lunch, take my children out for activities, and take early education classes. At night, the family goes to their parents' house for dinner and go home to sleep.
Summary of the father, there are only three things to do when raising children: eating, playing and sleeping.
For many new parents, taking care of their children's diet is a very troublesome thing, but this is not a difficult thing to spend time with dads. Since childhood, his parents took turns to do housework, and his father also cooked good food. In this family environment, he was accustomed to cooking and other housework. In the environment where Papa grew up, he never thought that it was a strange thing for men to do housework and cook. Although taking care of babies' daily life is much more meticulous, for him, who has been used to various housework since childhood, it can be easily mastered by spending more effort.
Papa focuses more on playing, and of course it can also be said to be on education.
What makes Papa very proud is that compared to the elderly and nanny taking care of their children, he pays more attention to education and communication with their children. The result of the education is to raise a "society" baby.
Since the daughter was one year old, Pao Dad would guide her to learn, actively express her ideas, share her toys in daily games, etc. Nowadays, the two and a half-year-old daughter is like a "little adult". No matter how many adults she faces, she can always talk to strangers. Although she may not understand what others mean, others may not understand what she is expressing. She can also imitate adults' tone, expression, and body movements, express her thoughts in words, and reason with others. When a guest comes to visit her home, she will take the initiative to "educate" the guests to wash their hands before meals, put out the shoes they took off, and throw the garbage into the trash can, etc., which often makes the whole family laugh.
But recently, as the daughter grows older, she goes out to play more and more frequently. She found that the children raised by her father have an obvious flaw. When dating children of the same age, the daughter is too regular and even a little "cowardly". The "society" daughter seems to be a "society terror" when getting along with children of the same age.
Papa reflected on it and believed that the daughter’s problem was caused by the lack of social interaction among her peers, and the root cause lies in herself. Children's earliest peers often come from adults. Parents who take care of their children gather together to chat, so their children naturally gather together to play. Children aged one or two don’t understand what social interaction is, but in this kind of contact, they will subtly learn how to communicate, get along and compete with children of the same age.
"The people who take care of children in the community are all old ladies, and occasionally there are a few mothers. I get along well with them, but I really don't have a common language. I usually say hello and leave. If adults don't get together to chat, the children will naturally have no chance to get in touch."
In recent days, Pao dad has been working hard to change this situation. On the one hand, he forces himself to take the initiative to participate in the chats of the aunts, and on the other hand, he cultivates his daughter's awareness of property rights. He fights when he should, and cannot give in too much.
html Post-180s female writer Maori wrote a book called "Full-time Dad", which comprehensively recorded the life of her husband resigning and raising his children full-time.
Before resigning, her husband was a white-collar worker with a monthly salary of 20,000 yuan. When he was taking care of his children full-time, his monthly salary was also 20,000 yuan. However, the person who paid him a salary changed from a boss to a wife. Maori wrote in the book: "Home means the mutual support between two people. Some people contribute money and some people contribute, and they don't have to distinguish between men and women, let alone winners."
Papa and his wife also have a similar consensus: full-time parents are a job, and there is no essential difference between being a teacher and starting a company. No matter who works and who takes care of the children full-time, they are running the family, and there is no distinction between high and low.
"This is a very important aspect. I recognize the value of a full-time father. I will not feel inferior to others, nor will I be too sensitive. The biggest problem of many full-time parents is that one of them is inferior because he cannot make money, and then he is extremely sensitive. He is worried and suspicious of his partner not understanding and despising himself, which leads to a series of family conflicts."
Papa also does not feel the "discrimination" problem at the social level. In the community where they live, when he was a full-time father, his neighbors' reactions were more about "It's good not to work", "Your wife is so happy", "My son and son-in-law want to take care of their family like this" , etc. Pao Dad thinks that the neighbors are of high quality and most of them are very open-minded. Even if someone doesn't understand him, he will never show it during a conversation.
. Many full-time parents can empathize with the real problems encountered by Papa, but there is not much discussion: . Taking care of children full-time is a lack of communication and feedback, while humans are social animals, and communication and feedback are necessary.
Outside, Papa’s social circle almost stagnated. As my childhood friends and classmates grew older and started a family, they communicated less and less. The original colleagues and entrepreneurial partners gradually broke off contact after they parted. If there is no occasional interaction in the circle of friends, Pao Dad may completely disappear in everyone's life circle. At home, Pao Dad has been facing a child who has just learned to speak for a long time and can only complete some simple interactions. He can only chat with his wife after the child falls asleep at night.
"I often see people complaining on the Internet that full-time wives like to chat about gossip and play mahjong together. Now I can understand that people need to socialize."
Not long after taking care of their daughter, Papa opened multiple self-media platforms with the name "Pupapapa", sharing his daily and experience of taking care of their children as a full-time father. The original intention of Papa to open an account is very simple, which is to think that the concept of a full-time father comes with traffic and can arouse others' curiosity. But during the account operation process, he found that the biggest gain was to get opportunities to interact and communicate with others. While decompressing, he could also receive a lot of likes, recognition and consultation, which gave him more confidence.
"A person must talk to others, otherwise he will be crazy. Some full-time mothers will play mahjong and gather in the community to chat. I broadcast live online, all of which are the same."
this year's During the two sessions, Guangxi CPPCC member Wei Zhenling's proposal to "make full-time housewife a legal profession" once topped the hot search list. The proposal mentioned that members who resign and return to the family to undertake full-time family services due to special reasons and special periods (absorbing for early childhood education period under 3 years old, taking care of disabled parents, spouses, etc.) can enjoy cumulative service in their work experience and labor and social security. If one of the couple chooses to return to the family to provide full-time services to the family, they can appropriately reduce and exempt the personal income tax of their spouses accordingly. Taking full-time home services at home is considered a legal profession protected by law.
As a member of full-time parents, Pao Dad naturally paid attention to this proposal. "The topics such as paying wages to full-time parents and housework compensation are all gimmicks, and they don't have much practical significance. The most realistic thing is to solve social security and tax cuts."
Since becoming a full-time father more than two years ago, the social security for dads is paid by someone, and the monthly fixed expenditure is more than 1,000 yuan. When employees of ordinary companies pay social security, they individually bear about 30% and the company bears 70%.Full-time parents do not have a job institution. Some people choose to stop paying social security, while some people will pay through personal payments or find companies to pay on their own (many are illegal) and bear all the social security costs themselves.
Papa is looking forward to the proposal becoming a reality. An institution can pay social security for full-time parents and bear 70% of the expenses originally under the responsibility of the company. "As for personal income tax, it would be great if it could be collected based on the family."
Papa's next plan is to build the self-media, strive to commercialize it as soon as possible, and obtain certain income to subsidize the household.
"In addition to a small number of wealthy and wealthy families, for most full-time parents, financial problems are always the most realistic problem. What I hope most now is to make more money while taking good care of my daughter, which is more important than anything else."
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