filial piety, we often hear, meaning that children are obedient to their parents and do not violate their parents' will. Filial piety is often hailed as a virtue. There is one thing I agree with about filial piety: it is to care for, respect and support parents.
But I think there are conditions for the so-called obedience to parents and not going against their parents' will. For example, if parents say something wrong or suggest something wrong, children should have their own judgment and choices instead of blindly obeying.
clearly knows that the suggestions given by parents are wrong, but because I feel that I want to be "filial", I obey and execute them. That is not filial piety, but digging a hole.
In my opinion,
The good "filial piety" should be that parents and children care about and love each other, respect and understand each other, and maintain independence from each other.
Image source: Unsplash
Whether a child has such good "filial piety" when he grows up depends on whether we have established a good parent-child relationship with his children.
Regarding establishing a good parent-child relationship, you can try to do the following three things for children since they were young:
01. Building trust and respect
Whether it is a parent-child relationship, a husband-wife relationship or a friend relationship, trust and respect are very important. In the first few years after the child is born, it is particularly important to establish a trust relationship between children and us. Because once children trust their parents or other raising people, they can feel more sense of security; if they have more sense of security, they can have more courage and confidence to explore and understand the world and love the people around them.
promotes trust and respect between parents and children. You can try:
1. When children need it, we are always there, providing support, love and protection in a timely manner. For example, if the baby falls, we help it up in time to see if there is any injury and comfort the baby; if it is an older child, they will go out to play with friends, and when it is time, we drive the child home.
These sound very fine, or these things are nothing to us, they can be done or not. But these small actions are a manifestation of care for children, which allows them to realize that as long as they need them, parents will always help them.
2. Keep your promises and do what you promise your child. For example, if you promise to take your children to the park on weekends, then on weekends, you must go as long as it is not a special reason such as weather.
3. Respect the child's personal preferences. For example, if a child likes to play football, he should accompany them to play football more often and talk to them about their favorite players. Respecting children’s personal preferences and feelings can make children more willing to share and communicate with us. It won't make us feel that although we are together every day, we seem very strange and don't know what we are thinking about.
4. When children express different opinions from us, don't rush to interrupt, deny, or even get angry. Try to be patient and listen to what the child is talking about. Listening to children’s lectures can actually make children feel listened to and respected.
5. Grow up with your child. Children’s needs and hobbies will change, and we will change accordingly. For example, when children were young, they liked us to be by our side and watch them play; but when children grew up in the future, they may prefer to play with their friends, and they do not need parents to be guarded by them at all times, so we should "retreat with tactfulness."
6. formulates family rules. When making rules, it is best to have children participate together to ensure that the rules are fair to everyone in the family and to ensure that everyone in the family complies with family rules.The existence of these rules allows children to know that as long as they do things according to the rules, they will get similar results, that is, foreseeable results. This experience helps the trust relationship between children and parents.
If there is no rule, the child will be taught a lesson this time, and the next time it will be fine. Such experiences are chaotic and uncertain for children because they don’t know what the result will be like if they do the same thing.
Image source: Unsplash
02. Think and look at problems from the perspective of children, don’t always think about directing or changing children
Entering the world of children, thinking and looking at problems from the perspective of children can let children realize the feelings of parents and what they value. This is the basis of a high-quality parent-child relationship and the basis for a good "filial piety" relationship between parents and children in the future.
Specifically:
- Don't always try to change your child, or always ask your child to do things according to his own standards or wishes. On the contrary, accept children more and allow them to try according to their own understanding. For example, if a child wants to imagine a stool as a car, he can be allowed to try it as long as he is safe; there is no need to emphasize or preach to the child. This is a stool, which can only be used to sit, and cannot be used as a car.
- When you are with your child, observe more about what the child is doing, respond positively and participate, but do not make judgments or comparisons. For example, you can say to your child, "Is this the steering wheel of a car? What are you doing when you drive a car?"; don't say to your child, "You are doing this wrong; this is wrong."
- Listen more to the children's words, observe their behavior more, and experience their feelings. For example, when a child is "nagging" about what happened in the kindergarten, he may find that the child is just expressing which child he likes to play with and what things he thinks are very dealt with. Through observation and listening, we can understand the true feelings of children.
Entering the world of children, looking at and thinking about problems from the perspective of children, sometimes it is actually giving children the opportunity to "make decisions" and "be a little leader". For example, let the child decide how to play and what to play by himself, obey the child's "command" and actively participate in the play process. For example, when a child wants to do something, we just need to ensure it is safe. Even if it seems boring and worthless to us, the child can be allowed to do it.
All these little things make children feel that they are seen by their parents, heard by their parents, and respected by their parents. With this feeling, children and adults will naturally become closer.
Image source: Pixabay
03. Paying attention to parent-child companionship may not be long, but paying attention to high-quality
Good parent-child relationship is naturally inseparable from high-quality companionship time. The time spent with your child is relatively more important than the length of time.
High-quality companionship is actually not a special arrangement of a whole piece of time to accompany the children. Quality companionship can happen in every detail of life. For example, when taking a bath with your child, have fun together; when driving together, you can interact and communicate during the process. These fragmented time can all become high-quality companionship time. As long as we communicate, play and interact carefully, we will be high-quality companionship.
High-quality companionship time emphasizes: is not disturbed or disturbed by the outside world.
people are by their children, but they keep playing with their phones or busy with other things. Even if they stay together for a long time, it will not be able to promote the parent-child relationship.
As parents, we usually have a lot of things to be busy with. In addition to work, there are also housework, and of course we also need some of our own time. Therefore, don’t be demanding how long you spend with your child. Try to ensure that you have a short period of time every day, which is exclusive to your child, which is great.
Image source: Unsplash
The above is today's sharing, I hope it will be helpful. I am Shanshan, and I follow me to raise my parents scientifically.
-END-
If you think it is useful
Welcome to share with those in need
Previous push selection:
youmiao Health
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-