Author | Qian Zhiliang
Source | Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID:qzlgzs)
Every child is very eager to be appreciated by his parents, and some children even work hard to please their parents throughout their lives , I hope to get the approval and encouragement of my parents.
I have seen an old movie "The Sixth Sense of Supernatural". The most touching scene in the film is that the little boy who can see the ghost tells his mother that he can see the dead grandmother:
"You have been there before I went to my grandmother’s cemetery and asked her a question. She said that the answer is every day, what do you ask her?"
Mom said the question she always wanted to ask: " I...do you make her proud?" "
The boy said: "Grandma asked me to tell you that she saw you dancing. She said that you had a fight with her when you were a child. You thought she didn't want to watch you dance.
She went to see, she was hiding Behind, you didn't see her, she said you were like an angel..."
Mother heard it and she couldn't cry.
Children need encouragement, just like plants need water.
Parents’ appreciation and encouragement of their children are often the driving force for their children’s growth.
Dell Carnegie wrote in the book " Weaknesses of Human Nature":
I like to be encouraged from birth. Treating children in this way can make children feel relaxed and happy. Grow in the atmosphere, gain confidence, and become better.
Children who are constantly recognized and encouraged,It is possible to grow in a good direction, with confidence and courage in the heart.
Educate children, don't be too stingy with your encouragement.
01 "I know it's difficult, but it's only temporary"
Last year, a 9-year-old girl in Xi'an jumped down from the 15th floor because she couldn't finish her homework on time.
She wrote in her suicide note:
"Mom, I'm sorry, this is my decision."
"Why can't I do anything?"
img41 It is not homework, but her frustration and powerlessness have not been seen and understood by adults.In addition, she has received too many denials and blows in her family and school, and she has no energy in her heart.
Children without energy and hope are the easiest to collapse.
Encourage your child. If you just keep him working hard and don’t talk about the child’s inner experience, it’s hard to be effective.
There is a popular saying on the Internet: People only care if you fly high or not, no one cares if you are tired or not.
When a child is tired, he is eager to be understood.
To understand children is not to be infinitely tolerant to children, but to recognize the rationality of children's negative feelings such as anger, sadness, and disappointment.
So the first step in encouraging a child is to see the child, accept their feelings, see his fear, and see his struggle.
tell the child: "I know you are sad,Let’s find a way together" .
The feeling of being recognized and accepted will really push children to make positive changes.
02 "You are working hard, you are doing well...
In Western film and television works, many parents often say to their children: " I am proud of you".
So in these children, the most common temperament is self-confidence.
in China Parents are best at scorning anything about their children. In the process of education, the easiest message to send to children is: "You can't do it" .
They often feel that other people's children are so good, their own Children can't do anything well.
Parents should learn to be proud of their ordinary child.
Even if your child has poor grades and is a bit naughty, but from another angle, you can see the other side of the child. For example, he is very kind, considerate, and hardworking...
Every child is unique in the world, and you must see the child’s strengths, well-done details, and hard work.
for example Today, the child encountered a lot of problems in his homework, writing slowly and making many mistakes. You can say:
"It doesn't matter, you wrote your homework very well today, and you wrote it neatly!
Let the child realize that the process and the details are very important, so that next time he will pay attention to the process, change the final result through hard work, and develop a growth mentality.
03 "You can fail, but we can come again Once"
At the scene of a balance car competition somewhere in Henan, a girl of about 2 years old was scolded by her mother for running the countdown:
"What face do you have to cry? Walk there all the way!
Then kept tapping the helmet on the girl's head with his hands.
The little girl stood there trembling, and began to cry.
"The last corner is so overwhelming, what do you think! Ah? What do you think!"
The girl replied cryingly: "I will run well next time."
looked at the child Chu Chu Poor look, very distressed.
As parents, we are sometimes more afraid of failure than children.
You can't see your child's progress, you can't see your child's efforts, just look at the result, and then use a certain result to completely deny and beat the child.
In fact, the last child is more sad than adults. What they need most is the embrace and comfort, support and encouragement of their parents.
If adults cannot view failure and success in a calm mind, then children will become more and more nervous, and gradually they will not be able to face failure.
Hope that children succeed is the voice of all parents, but teaching children how to face setbacks and failures is a lesson that cannot be escaped on the road of education.
04 "No matter what, I will always love you"
In the picture book "David Can't", David is very naughty every day. The one thing his mother said the most to him is: can't .
One day when he broke his mother's beloved vase, he was scared and shrank pitifully in the corner, the color was full of guilt.
Mom found out. This time, she put him in her arms and told him: "Dave be good, I love you".
This sentence "I love you" is the warmest sentence in the book.
In fact, our children are like David, who can get into trouble, experience various setbacks, and have various situations.
We can criticize and educate, but don’t forget to tell him: "I don’t like your behavior, but I will always love you."
Love is the premise of education,It is also the biggest force to change children.
When a child grows up, he can feel: No matter how I behave, my parents will love me, and the child's heart will be full of security. This is the key to enhancing the sense of self-worth.
With the love of parents behind, children are fearless no matter what they encounter outside.
Today's interactive topic
What words did your parents say that moved you the most?
welcome to write a message. tell MaiCard~
Source: Qian Zhiliang Studio (ID: qzlgzs), dedicated to providing parents with professional and practical parenting knowledge and ideas.
The picture in this article comes from Tuworm Creative
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