What kind of family and what kind of people should be created?
Mr. Cai Yuanpei said:
"The family is the first school of life. The character of a lifetime, the so-called "all changes are inseparable from the root of the family, is probably the embryo in the family."
What kind of soil is it, what kind of flowers it blooms.
The family environment, the parents' words and deeds will subtly determine the future of their children.
As there is a saying, in the daily life of the original family, the child looks like 20 years later.
01
In a messy family, they cannot raise promising children
Harvard Business School once conducted a study and found:
"Successful people with strong sense of happiness often have very clean and tidy home environments; while unfortunate people usually live in messy environments."
In a messy family, they cannot raise well-organized children.
A primary school teacher told such a story. There is a boy in class
who always ranked at the bottom of his grades and is lazy and has no motivation to do things.
When the teacher went to visit his home, he pushed open the door and was stunned by the scene in front of him.
The coffee table was filled with leftover takeaway boxes, cigarette butts and paper scraps were thrown everywhere on the floor, and the sofa was filled with dirty clothes.
The child’s study was renovated in a utility room, full of express boxes, and the desk was also a mess.
No place is clean and tidy wherever you look.
The teacher couldn't help but sigh that it would feel suffocating to stay here for 10 minutes, let alone expect the child to study hard in such an environment.
Living in a messy environment, and the impact on children's growth is very different from a neat and orderly environment.
The former will only destroy the child's attention, while the latter will increase the child's sense of happiness.
Zeng Guofan's family has passed down from generation to generation "the key points of family management": early, sweep, exam, treasure, books, vegetables, fish, and pigs.
where "sweep" means cleaning.
Every morning, Zeng Guofan will get up early, clean all the rooms with the children first, and then sit down to read.
In this way, it not only cultivates children's hardworking habits, but also provides children with a spacious and bright reading environment.
Under the influence of a good family atmosphere, Zeng Guofan's sons are all very promising.
The eldest son Zeng Jize became a diplomat, and the second son Zeng Jihong became a mathematician.
Bian Lichun said: "Creating a clean and tidy environment not only makes people happy, but also cultivates children's sense of spatial order, rational logical thinking, concentration, time planning ability, and aesthetic ability." The environment of
homes is always affecting children's learning status and quality of life.
As a parent, you can create a clean and tidy environment for your children, so that you can give your children a steady stream of motivation and energy.
02
8 Families with disordered work and rest, they cannot raise self-disciplined children
Someone asked online, what does it feel like to have a parent who can stay up late than you?
A netizen replied:
"My father stays up late every day, and I feel that he is the kind of person who gives up on his own life. He has a great influence on me, which has led to me not getting used to going to bed early at home."
Parents are a mirror of their children, and their behavior is a reflection of their parents.
The fruits of children are actually the causes planted by their parents.
Professor Professor Qian Zhiliang A student of has been asked by his mother to go to bed early and get up early since he was a child.
Usually no more than 9:30 in the evening, she will definitely get up before 8 in the morning for breakfast.
It is time for bedtime, and parents will also walk into the bedroom to sleep on time, and they will never be able to sleep on the next morning.
This habit started from elementary school and continued until she went to college.
She has always been a little disgusted with her mother. She can’t even watch TV series for a while at night, and it’s impossible to sleep in in the morning.
But when she went to college, she saw that many of her classmates around her were upside down day and night, and her work and rest were disordered, but she still kept going to bed early and getting up early, and went to study and live in an orderly and planned manner, she suddenly understood the profound meaning of her mother.
In order to help children develop the habit of going to bed early and getting up early, many parents have thought of many ways, but the final result is often not satisfactory.
Because many parents ignore a key factor: Are their work and rest regular?
What kind of work and rest habits do parents have, and what kind of work and rest habits will their children develop.
Self-disciplined parents are basically not lazy; undisciplined parents are difficult to raise self-conscious children.
03
Family without rules cannot raise a grateful child
French educator Rousseau said one sentence:
"Do you know what method to use to make your child an unfortunate person? This method is to obey him."
The greatest sorrow for parents is to give everything but not raise a grateful child.
Some time ago, I saw a horrifying news.
Wenzhou There was a 35-year-old man who asked his parents for money to buy a new phone, but was rejected by his parents and threatened to kill his parents.
Every child’s problems can be found in their parents. After an interview with the reporter, he found that in order to make the child feel comfortable, the old couple always do their best to meet all their needs materially.
After graduating from university, the man refused to work and was at home with peace of mind. The old couple also chose to acquiesce.
But unexpectedly, the obedience of parents is exchanged for their son's selfishness and indifference.
Parents do not set rules for their children since childhood, and there is no bottom line satisfaction. When the children grow up, they will become ungrateful wolves who do not know how to be grateful.
As stated in the book "Rules and Love", grew up in love without rules, and the child lost his gratitude.
A home must have both warmth and rules.
Only when love and rules go hand in hand can we raise a child who is well-educated and well-behaved and grateful.
has a very wonderful metaphor: raising a child is like flying a kite, which requires it to fly high and keep it straight.
rules are that line.
Children can go to the vast world, and the meaning of rules is to let them keep their true hearts and be pure and good for their lives.
04
A quarreling family cannot raise a happy child
On Zhihu , I have seen a short story shared by netizens.
As long as I can remember, her parents have often quarreled, and when they are serious, they will fight.
The breakdown of her parents' relationship has had a great impact on her personality, making her become timid, withdrawn and cowardly. After working in
, this personality made her become out of place in the company and dared not interact with people too much.
The latest research of "Journal of Social and Personal Relations" shows that children living in families who quarrel over trivial matters of daily life will become too vigilant and anxious when they grow up, and will even affect interpersonal communication.
As a parent, the best gift to your children is a happy and harmonious family.
Yang Jiang Mr. recalled her parents' relationship and said that she had never heard of her parents quarrel since she could remember.
Her parents are more like old friends for many years, and there are never enough things to say together.
The father respects and loves his mother, and the mother expresses his understanding and support for his father's uniqueness. This kind of equal and mutually loving husband and wife relationship was rare in that era.
is influenced by the relationship between parents. Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu are also very loving after getting married.
Yang Jiang is virtuous and gentle, and strongly supports Qian Zhongshu's career. Qian Zhongshu is also considerate to Yang Jiang.
And their love also infected their daughter Qian Yuan .
Qian Yuan once said this to Yang Jiang affectionately:
"I have always felt that the children who are loving to their parents are lucky, so I am particularly grateful to my parents. Because you love each other, the piano and the sound of the zither, I feel that I am a particularly lucky child."
Qian Yuan, who grew up in the love of parents, has known how to love someone and how to run a family since childhood.
I have seen a very interesting formula: Parental love = family harmony = life happiness = sense of security = good child.
What kind of family and what kind of people are they shaped.
Parent love is the best nourishment for children's happiness.
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educator Makarenko said: "Family is the most important place. At home, people move towards social life for the first time."
The impact of the family environment on children is the most direct and far-reaching.
A clean, self-disciplined, warm and loving family atmosphere allows children to develop good habits and gain the energy to heal their lives.
Source: Invisible
Author: Invisible muye
Editor: Deng Ruomeng
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