Finally got to the point where you can go to school, but what should you do if your child is unwilling to go to kindergarten?
kindergarten is the first social environment for children to enter. That is to say, from the moment they step into the kindergarten, our children have entered a small society .
Although this process is a very important step in the growth of children, the babies at home cannot understand the good intentions of parents sending them to kindergartens. Even many children will be very resistant to going to kindergartens. No matter how parents coax them, they are unwilling to go to .
especially the scene in the classroom every time the kindergarten starts the school season. It is really thrilling. Some children cry loudly, crying so hard that they can't catch up with their breath, , till they keep calling their mother till they keep calling their mother .
Some children reacted more intensely, screaming desperately, and even rolling around the ground .
There are also children, very quiet, sitting in a corner of the classroom, silently crying, , ignoring the teacher, ignoring the children, and even not eating or drinking .
In short, children are expressing their resistance to kindergarten in their own way, and this situation often does not end in one or two days .
For example, a mother said before that her daughter is Duoduo , three-year-old 8 months every day when she sent Duoduo to kindergarten, because Duoduo always looked aggrieved, and often cried and said that she didn't want to go to kindergarten .
I believe many mothers have actually had similar experiences. Standing at the door of the kindergarten, the child's little face was full of tears. He hugged you hard and said, "Mom, don't leave." Although the child will be successfully pulled into the kindergarten by the teacher in the end, you may feel uncomfortable on this day.
Then we need to solve this problem. First of all, we must understand why the child is unwilling to go to kindergarten?
children's separation anxiety
and generally has two reasons for this. The first .
Many children have less contact with the outside world before going to kindergarten, and most of the time they spend with their parents or grandparents, so their children's sense of security and self-control over the outside world will be weaker. Then when he was in kindergarten, he would feel a lot of stress and anxiety .
For example, Duoduo mentioned just now, is the case. Duoduo has had very little contact with the external environment since he was a child, and has been excessively attached to his family since he was a child. When facing the forced separation situation of going to kindergarten, it is normal for Duoduo
Generally speaking, if the child's situation gradually improves within two months, there is no problem, so don't worry too much about .
But , you , if the child's separation anxious has not improved for 3~6 has not improved for 5 months, and after separation from parents, it will last for two or even three hours, and it will appear like sobbing , which is very depressed, even motionless, and is very uncomfortable in such a state, not eating, drinking, not playing, ignoring people, etc., or the child starts to think randomly, always worried that the mother will come to the bad guy? What should I do if my mother doesn’t come to pick me up? Will my mother have a car accident outside? Will it die? Wait .
If the child has these conditions, you must pay attention, because the child is likely not to have separation anxiety within the normal range, but to have separation anxiety disorder .
then at this time t.
adaptive difficulties
The second reason why children are unwilling to go to kindergarten is is that children have adaptive difficulties, that is, children cannot adapt to changes in life, resulting in emotional problems and bad behavior problems .
For children, the difference between family life and kindergarten life is quite big. .
You You can imagine that your child has arrived in a completely unfamiliar environment, without his parents around, without his grandparents chasing him to feed him, and he cannot eat, drink and have fun as he pleases.
There are only next to it. Strange teachers and strange children have to listen to the teacher's instructions, learn to eat by themselves, etc. These changes are . is actually a big challenge for these children who are usually protected at home and lack self-care ability. Many children will not be willing to go to kindergarten because they cannot adapt to such changes.
I just talked about two common reasons why children are unwilling to go to kindergarten. One is that children have separation anxiety , and 2 because children have difficulty adapting.
What should parents do when children are unwilling to go to kindergarten? There are 5 key points:
The first key point is to help children complete separation
Generally speaking, children go to kindergarten at the age of three, do you know why they are three years old?
Because three years old is a socially sensitive period for children's development, that is to say, children of this age begin to be interested in the collective and have a certain ability to cooperate with others.
so you can develop in a socialized environment. So if there is no special situation, parents must insist on sending their children to kindergarten, but you can allow their children to cry.
At this time, you can tell your child in a gentle and persistent tone.
For example, you can say this, mom understands that you are reluctant to part with your parents, and you will never see your parents for a day. In fact, you really miss your parents, right? You see, you go to kindergarten, your mother works and works in the company, and I miss you very much, so the happiest thing for my mother in the day is to pick you up at the kindergarten gate. Are you happy to see your mother when you come out? Then every time I go to pick you up, you run towards your mother, and I run towards you too. Let's have a big hug, let's see who has the strength.
Then you should say this, let the child have such a picture and expectation, and then the mother must pick up the child on time and form a sense of security like Ta.
must remember that a safe attachment relationship is the confidence for children to face the world independently. Of course, our children must experience separation and face a new environment. But in this process, please insist on gently, give a safe attachment relationship, and help them face it independently.
The second key point Active hypnosis suggests the growth and progress of children
Parents, consciously remind children frequently, Ta has grown up.
Because the process of children growing up by their parents is inertia and hypnotic, sometimes both children and parents are unaware of their children's growth.
so we should always remind children to have this awareness and help parents to prepare for separation. However, when reminding, we should have a positive and powerful language, and use a suggestive language or a tone like the surprise discovery.
For example, we can say this often, wow, mom suddenly found that your pants are much shorter, it turns out that you have grown so much taller. You had a meal with chopsticks last month and had a full table full of food. These days, my mother found that you could handle it so steadily that you didn’t lose any rice grains. Do you know that you didn’t want to play with little girls last year, but this year you can help little girls.
When you say this with this surprise, the child will feel that he has grown up and is very proud. You can do so many things yourself, which is positive and implied that your child will develop in the direction of independence.
The third key point You must be curious about your child’s kindergarten and give a little task to divert his attention. You need to pay more attention to your child’s situation in the kindergarten.
However, don’t ask this, don’t ask if you perform well in kindergarten today, be good or not, have the teacher praised you? Please don’t ask this, because this will make the child feel pressure and evaluation.
You should show that you are particularly interested in some details about your child in the kindergarten. You can tell your child this way. I heard that your kindergarten has a big classroom. Mom is very interested. What does that classroom do?
Can you do your mother a favor? Please help your mother observe tomorrow. Do all the little girls in your kindergarten wear beautiful skirts?
I heard that your kindergarten has many beautiful flowers, what color do they have, and so on.
If the child says I don’t know, then you say that the mother is interested and I want to know, then can you help your mother see what colors they have tomorrow?
In this way, let the child focus on these interesting things to divert his anxiety and gradually adapt.
The fourth point you want to help your child establish relationships
If you want your child to be happy in kindergarten, you actually want to help your child establish two kinds of relationships: relationships with teachers and relationships with children. If these two relationships are pleasant, then the child will be more adaptable to going to kindergarten as a whole.
Therefore, the most important task in kindergarten is not to educate children to learn knowledge and establish rules, but to guide children to develop friendships and make friends.
You need to observe more, and ask the teacher to help observe more to see who the child gets along better with, or has a more suitable personality. Then you can create more opportunities to get along with these children.
You can also remind your children consciously and unconsciously, and your mother finds that it looks like you. You all like Iron Man, haha, you also have curly hair.
Or you can help your mother tell her children that her mother likes him very much, or do you want to tell him that you actually like to make friends with him.
You can also ask the teacher to help and give more encouragement and affirmation, and help children build a sense of belonging in kindergarten, so that children can have more exclusive small items.
When the child just went to school, you can ask the child to bring his toys he likes, etc., and let the child take him to kindergarten to help him build a familiar feeling in kindergarten.
The last key point is that you can tell your children some false praises, or occasionally tell some authoritative lies.
For children, parents are authoritative teachers are authoritative, so you can often say this. Just now, my father secretly told me that your performance today is particularly manly confident. The teacher told me quietly today that he thought you were very good and did a very good job of doing exercises.
Then you can also often bring out a toy and say that the kindergarten teacher asked my mother to come home today to give you a small prize, because you did your own things in the kindergarten very well, etc.
This is actually the expectation effect mentioned in psychology. When a child feels that the authoritative person has been quietly paying attention to and likes him, it will stimulate his potential and do better in the direction we expect.
You should know that the environment for children leaving home and entering kindergarten is not only a physical separation from parents, but also a psychological separation. Therefore, an important step in helping children adapt to this life is to lay a good foundation for their long-term development.
