Hello everyone, I am Douma of two children, with many years of educational experience, and a certificate from a psychological counselor and a family education counselor. Today, let’s talk about whether children are obedient or not.
What makes parents most proud of in Chinese education is: "My child is very obedient". If they can add a sentence "My child has good academic performance", parents may be arrogant. A mother came to the consultation room. Her son, whom she has always been proud of, avoided her classmates, avoided study, and had a mess after going to college. The teacher asked her to accompany her. She couldn't accept it, and she often had insomnia at night and felt like she was about to feel depressed.
She repeated to the consultant over and over again: "My child is very obedient, my child has good academic performance, why did he become like this?"
In fact, her child's problem is that she was too obedient when she was a child and had no self. After going to college, she changed into a new environment. Without the company and command of her mother, she couldn't adapt, so she chose to avoid it.
Psychologist Piaget once said this: The more sensible and obedient children were more likely to develop personality defects when they grew up.
Children are too obedient, which means that the child’s self-awareness is either unaware of or suppressed.
Children who are taken care of very thoughtful often awaken their self-awareness slowly. This type of child has parental arrangements for everything, so he doesn't need to use his brain at all. Parents' arrangements will follow their children's interests, and their children's dependence on their parents is increasing without realizing it. Children like
often show obedience and act according to their parents' command. After all, if you listen to your parents, you will not worry about anything.
I have seen a child who is already in the third year of junior high school and asked her, "What do you like most among all your subjects?" She looked at her mother and shook her head. The mother smiled and said, "She likes every subject and has good grades in every subject." Indeed, this child has good grades in every subject, but are they all her favorite subjects? Or is it that her mother likes her to study every subject, right? Ask her again: "With your grades like this, you must sprint to the most powerful private middle school in the city's college entrance examination, right?" She still looked at her mother and responded: "I don't know, listen to my mother."
The child's answers and reactions are confusing and worrying: Although the child is studying hard, he has no goals and no feelings, and everything is listened to his mother. "What will such a child look like once he leaves his mother?
has excellent appearance, but is actually "hollow". This is a characteristic of overly obedient children. They are either numb or depressed.
's friend's child was diagnosed with depression as soon as he entered the third year of junior high school and had to take a break from school. But in the eyes of teachers, classmates, and many relatives and friends, the child is well-behaved, sensible, obedient, and has good academic performance. Until one day, the teacher was unintentionally I found that there were wounds on the child's arms, some of which had scabs, and some were still covered with blood. The teacher was shocked and asked the child's mother to take the child to see a doctor. It turned out that the child was mentally ill and was very ill. Being sensible and obedient is just an appearance. The child smashed too much dissatisfaction and discomfort into his heart, causing his mental loss of health.
The child is too obedient, and it may be too obedient. It is the children who want to cater to their parents, or give up on themselves or hurt themselves.
Many parents instill with their children from the beginning of their children's babbling: You must be obedient, only obedient can you be a good child.
Some parents always tie their efforts and hard work with their children's obedience, and always tell their children: I work so hard and pay so much is entirely for you. You must not go against me or hurt me. You must listen to me and make me happy and satisfied.
has seen such a scene. A mother kept yelling at the child while keeping shaking off her child's hand: "You told you to get up early, but you just dragged me, I was fined when I was late, you got out of here, you got rid of others..." The child grabbed her mother tightly and cried and promised, "I will get up early in the future, I will be obedient, you don't want me..." The child was obviously scared.
The child should be criticized, but it should not be done in this way.Besides, as a mother, you should set rules and arrange time for your child when he is a child, rather than venting your emotions to your child when something goes wrong.
Maybe the child will not dare to be willful and disobey his parents again in the anger of his mother. However, in the process of growing up, he will inevitably make mistakes and have negative emotions. After a long period of self-depression, the child will gradually become timid, timid, and selfless.
Especially those children who grow up in a bad family and whose parents have irritable personalities will be heartbreaking to cater to their parents.
An eight-year-old boy lives with his mother after his parents divorce. But after her mother was betrayed and divorced, she lived like a resentful woman. The little boy is like a man in the family. He not only consciously studies and undertakes housework consciously, but also often comforts his mother. He looks at his mother's eyes and speaks and does things every day, and does not dare to do anything that makes his mother unhappy.
Sensible children often leave laughter to others and pain to themselves. They lack security, are sensitive and inferior, and lose themselves.
Most children with mental illness are sensible and understanding children.
Children are too obedient and will gradually lose the desire and courage to express themselves and become a weak, unintentional and ineffective person.
A young man who graduated from Peking University came from the unit. Everyone looked up to him, hoping that he could bring more vitality and creativity to the unit.
But as soon as he came into contact, he was shocked and found that he was a person with no opinion and flattery. He was afraid of making mistakes and always afraid of gains and losses. He wants to work hard to do big and small things, but he grabs his eyebrows and beards; he cares about anyone or anything.
After a while, the leader was disappointed to comment on him: "I can only be considered a good employee." And completely gave up the plan to train him.
He has always ranked among the best in his grades from elementary school to university. His father had strict requirements on him and set many rules and regulations. He could only study well and be a good child. He is afraid of his parents and his teachers. Along the way, he has become accustomed to reading and being a human being. Even when he was admitted to a prestigious school, he felt that his grades were not high enough and he was sorry for his parents' expectations. He seemed to live for others, and obedience became his way of pleasing others and reflecting his own value.
Obedient children are used to serving others' wishes and gaining approval as their lives. They ignore or lose their true thoughts and needs, and lose their voices and behaviors to express themselves. Such people are destined to be difficult to excel.
"Be good" and "obedient" are not worthy of advocacy and publicity in this rapidly changing era.
The times are moving forward, and it is originally the old wave that pushes the old wave. If parents always stubbornly use their own experience to demand their children's obedience and obedience, the mild ones are at the expense of their children's creativity, the severe ones make the children timid and lose their ability to be independent, and in more serious cases, the children will develop personality defects and even suffer from psychological illness.
There is a saying circulating on the Internet: Behind every very obedient child, there is a pair of bear parents standing.
Parents should not be bear parents, force their children to be obedient with the so-called "for your good", and ultimately destroy their children.
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