I took my daughter to a toy store a few days ago and unexpectedly saw this scene. A young mother held several Ultraman toys in her hand and scolded her husband in front of her son: "I spend all day buying these useless things for my son. There are a lot of them at home, and there

I took my daughter to a toy store a few days ago and unexpectedly saw such a scene.

A young mother held several Ultraman toys in her hands and scolded her husband in front of her son:

"I spend all day buying these useless things for my son. There are a lot of them at home and there is no room for money." Flowers, right?”

In front of the public, passers-by looked sideways.

I saw my mother with an angry face, and my father hunched over, expressionless.

Although I don’t know what happened to this young couple and how much mistake my father made, my mother’s merciless scolding made me see the sadness in many families nowadays.

In the eyes of children, everything about the way parents get along should not be like this.

Maybe his parents think it’s okay to attack and accuse each other in front of him, but in fact, the harm caused by this behavior is subtly affecting his life.

01 Three points of trouble, nine points of damage

"Parenting Wars" also has a pair of such parents.

’s mother has a bad temper and has high demands on her son. She can’t help but raise her voice when she sees that her son is not doing well in piano practice.

As long as the mother is a little harsh, the father will always stand up immediately and speak out to save his son, while "criticizing" the mother: "Children are not forced to do this."

Unexpectedly, the father spoke uprightly, which made the mother extremely angry. dissatisfaction.

In order to prevent her father from interfering in her education, her mother even stared at her and said, "Can you stop talking?"

This situation happened more than once.

The son found an excuse to sneak out of the room to relax. The father thought it was okay and even looked at his mobile phone with him, talking and laughing.

Soon after hearing the news, the mother came over and forced her son to stand. The reason was that her son had lied to her, and she was furious.

Faced with the father's eagerness to protect his son, the mother simply changed the direction of the attack and shouted to the father:

"I am educating the child now, okay?"

The implication is, "Dad, shut up and don't interfere with my love for my son." Discipline, where are you enjoying the cool weather?"

In fact, what these parents did seemed to be for their son.

One hopes that his son can maintain a high degree of self-discipline and not fall behind in his studies. The other does not want his son to work so hard and take a break when he can.

But they attack each other and accuse each other of "insufficient" education, which deeply hurts the fragile hearts of the children.

In a "disharmonious" family atmosphere, children feel panic, fear and separation.

It is obvious that his parents are trying to undermine each other, and he is the starting point.

In the end, he was the one who was hurt ten thousand times.

Han Feizi said:

If a family has two nobles, it will be in vain; if the husband and wife are in power, the children will not know what to do.

If you always feel that you are doing the right thing, you will slander your partner in front of your children and unceremoniously tear them down.

This is laying a hidden mine for the family that can explode at any time, and it is a huge hidden danger to the growth of children.

02 Parents’ attitude towards their significant other determines their children’s future life direction.

A netizen on Weibo once asked:

It has been many years since I graduated, and I would rather choose a job far away from home. I don’t want to go home to face my parents during the holidays. Am I being unfilial?

discovered from his sharing that he also has a pair of parents who like to undermine each other and say bad things about each other.

When he was a child, whenever his father took him out to play and came home late, his mother would definitely scold him, angry that his playfulness would lead him to bad things.

would even complain that his father made less money and was unable to find a good job that could support the whole family like his neighbors.

Although his father often swallows his anger and gives in in front of his mother, in private, his father will keep reminding him:

"Don't listen to your mother, you haven't read any books, and you are giving orders all day long like a commander in chief.

I have a good temper and don’t argue with her. If you have something to do, don’t let her know. Just tell dad.”

For a while, he really couldn’t stand his mother’s behavior. He tried to unite with his father and stand on his mother’s side. opposite.

But when he became more sensible, he felt that his father was as unreliable as his mother said and couldn't even solve a small problem.

Who should I trust? Who should I choose?

This kind of "choose one" problem has become a problem for him as he grows up.

I really want to respect my parents and understand their situation, but when I think of their negative comments about each other, I unconsciously raise a question mark in my heart, and it becomes difficult to trust either party.

So much so that after leaving home and entering the workplace, he would always have doubts about his colleagues and friends, unsure whether they were sincere to him, and unable to fully open himself up to get along with others.

It is said that the attitude of parents towards their significant other hides the future direction of their children's life.

Disrespect from either party to the other half will inevitably destroy the prestige of parents in the hearts of their children.

When a child loses respect and admiration for his parents, his sense of identification with intimate relationships and rules will disappear little by little, completely.

03 The key to protecting your partner lies in these three things.

Speaking of the ideal family structure model, German psychologist Hellinger said:

"The couple stand closely side by side, and the children stand in the front and middle of the parents. Only in this way can a stable isosceles triangle relationship be formed."

This means that putting the other half as important as oneself, respecting them and loving them is an important source of security for children.

If you want to maintain your partner's sense of authority and protect him or her, the key lies in these three things:

1. Don't belittle your partner in front of your children.

Many times, the reason why parents like to expose their partner's shortcomings in front of their children, or Forcing the child to join the team is just to let the child see how unbearable the other party is.

But doing so will undoubtedly force children to become victims of family wars, which is not worth the gain.

You must always learn to solve adult matters in an adult way.

On the road of educating children to grow up, the other half is the only comrade and traveler.

Save some face for your significant other. Even if you don’t agree, please talk about it behind closed doors.

Be more respectful and decent in your language. Even if you seem to "lose", the children will win in the end.

2. Don’t blame the problem on the other half.

Every parent is faced with a critical situation. It is the first time they receive the stick of "education". Everyone has done something imperfect and imperfect. No matter what happens, as long as the bottom line is not touched. , parents should work together as husband and wife to find ways to face and solve the problem together.

When a child has difficulty learning, everyone should sit down and calm down and see what they can do to help the child;

When the family's economy is in crisis, it is even more important for everyone to work together and work hard to get through it.

Blindly throwing the blame away and blaming the problem on the other half will not only fail to solve the problem, but will also bring heavy pressure to the child.

Therefore, knowing how to put yourself in the other person's shoes, and facing the various challenges encountered in running a family together is the way for high-quality parents to do things.

3. Say more words of affirmation and praise your partner

Former chief interviewer of China at MIT Ms. Jiang Peirong shared in "Pei Rong's Mother's Scripture":

Since I learned to appreciate my husband, I expressed my affirmation and recognition of her husband. Afterwards, not only did the marriage become full of passion and take on a new look, but the children also learned to respect their husbands more and more and regarded their father as a "hero".

In her opinion, even if some "sweet words" sound disgusting, she is too embarrassed to say them out.

But if you know how to express love and are willing to say words of praise to your significant other, your children will gradually get used to it, and one day, they will treat their significant other in this way.

Relax your mind and take the initiative to discover the advantages of each other. When sweet lubricants are injected into the relationship between husband and wife, the whole family will benefit.

As the saying goes, What is the relationship between parents and what is the fate of their children?

The best education for children is for parents to keep each other in check.

As long as the father loves the child's mother well, and the mother appreciates and respects the child's father, and does not undermine or blame each other, the child will feel the warmth and love in the intimate relationship.

Every parent should use their own good behavior toward their partner to work together to set a benchmark for their children's growth.

Children who grow up in love will one day receive special love from the world. Author

| Oh Mom, I am willing to use my heart and pen to open up the spiritual world of children.

picture | Visual China

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