Hello everyone, I am Guo’s mother~
There is a popular saying on the Internet: "The collapse of adults often happens in an instant."
Such words can actually be applied to parents: "Parents' rage often happens in just one moment." In a moment. ”
Children have two sides, one side is an angel, which makes us love them endlessly. On the other hand, he is a little devil, leaving his parents helpless. Parents who are impatient, or have exhausted their patience, become "irritable".
The child lingers on not going out in the morning, and when he finally goes out, he realizes that he didn't bring his water bottle. You leave in a hurry, but the child is not in a hurry;
When doing homework, you tell the child three or five times, but the child still doesn't know how to do this. Forget it, I suddenly found that the child was still in a daze while you were talking;
When it's bedtime at night, he needs to drink water, go to the toilet, listen to stories...all kinds of things come together, but he just doesn't want to sleep!
Seeing this, as a parent, are you already angry, or have you already figured out how to communicate positively with your children?
Often, parents will choose the former - anger, using their own majesty to make their children obey them.
Just, what kind of children will such irritable parents raise? There are mainly 4 types. After reading it, Guo’s mother felt distressed. At the same time, she also felt distressed for herself.
The first type: the "good old guy" who can't refuse others
There is a little "good old guy" in Pistachio Kindergarten class.
The little girl had a pair of small leather shoes with many pearls on them. Then a classmate asked her for pearls, and the little girl picked them. Later, more and more people asked for it, and finally all the pearls on the shoes were picked out.
At first, Guo’s mother thought that this little girl simply loved sharing, but later she realized that she had just turned into a little “good old person”. Because when school was over, my mother saw that the little girl’s shoes and pearls were all gone, and she started scolding her. The little girl didn't dare to speak. Later, when the teacher came to mediate, the little girl said: " They want it, but if I don't give it to them, I'm afraid they won't like me! "
There are irritable parents, and the children have no sense of security and are afraid of being beaten. Abandonment and obedience are skills they have developed since they were young to survive. When children like
grow up, they will not only not be able to reject their parents, but also their classmates. The word "obedient" seems to have been engraved in their bones.
is a "pleasant personality" and a "good old guy". Their lives often do not get better because of their "tolerance". On the contrary, their tolerance will become a reason for others to take advantage of them!
The second type: Afraid of conflict and constantly trying to “please others”
Think back to the moments of conflict between you and your children.
After you yelled at your child, your child was sad and sad, but he still came to hug you? Or, find something you like and give it to you to do something you want it to do?
Parents should not think that their children have become sensible after you got angry. This is very possible. They are just afraid of being scolded by you and afraid that you will continue to be angry, so they are thinking of ways to please you.
Children with angry parents feel responsible for everyone's feelings to please others and ignore their own feelings.
Sometimes, children cry uncontrollably and unscrupulously in front of their parents, which just proves that the children cry "happily". Children with irritable parents will gradually become afraid of "conflicts" and yearn for peace. Therefore, for this peace, they must please others even if they ignore their own feelings.
However, this often results in the child's own depression. Because, children digest other people's bad emotions, but their own bad emotions remain.
The third type: very sensible, taking good care of everyone except myself
Once in line, I saw a girl about 10 years old holding a baby less than 1 year old. It could be seen that the little girl was holding her very well It was difficult, but she still struggled to hold her. The parents behind the little girl were talking and laughing while playing with their mobile phones.
An old lady next to her said: "Your sister is really sensible!"
Mommy said with a proud smile: " That's for sure. In the future, they will still support each other, and their relationship must be cultivated from an early age. "
The little girl looked back at her mother in grievance and said: "Mom, I'm tired."
The father scolded from the side: "When you were a child, we hugged you for 1 or 2 hours, and you only hugged me for 10 minutes. I’m just tired.”
The little girl could only change her position and continue to hug her brother.
This reminded Guo's mother of a friend. She was really good to her younger brothers and sisters, and took good care of her parents, elders and children. Then her husband asked her: "You have taken care of everyone, but yourself?" The friend burst into tears.
Yes, her husband is tired when he sees her busy with her family.
Children who have irritable parents will be particularly afraid of being disappointed by others.
They hope that their parents will recognize them and be less angry with them. Therefore, they will take care of their parents' emotions and do what their parents want them to do, such as taking care of their younger siblings.
It’s just that in this process, the child gradually neglects himself.
The fourth type: I am sensitive and prone to overthinking, which can lead to anxiety.
Guo’s mother also has an irritable father. Therefore, my mind has been very sensitive since I was a child and I am prone to overthinking.
Sometimes, even if it is someone’s casual remark, I can think about it for a long time: Does he have a problem with me? What I'm doing is wrong, what should I do? What should I do to save...
In fact, people may no longer remember this incident.
Some people say that Mom Guo takes herself too seriously. In fact, I just have "low self-esteem", self-doubt, and a very glass-hearted attitude. I am afraid of making mistakes and I am afraid of being criticized by others.
has irritable parents, and his children are very easy to be jealous.
Because when facing irritable parents, we always think about what we should do to prevent our parents from being so angry. Therefore, we think more than others.
When doing something, it is easy to be meticulous and anxious, fearing that some details will destroy the perfection.
Sometimes, the pursuit of perfection is a spirit.
But sometimes, the pursuit of perfection is a kind of psychological pressure.
I was not allowed to make my own decisions when I was a child. Now that I have grown up and can make my own decisions, I often feel anxious about my decisions. We are afraid of being disappointed by others, but in the end we are still disappointed with ourselves.
A message from Guo’s mother
It is difficult for irritable parents to raise happy children.
Psychologist Adler said, "Fortunate people are healed by childhood throughout their lives, and unfortunate people are healed by childhood throughout their lives." It is true after all.
Therefore, as parents, no matter whether we have lived under the shadow of irritable parents or not, at least we should not let our children live in an "irritable" environment, and let the children survive carefully. See It makes people feel distressed!
Learning to control your emotions and learn to speak well is a required course for every parent!
