Between dreaming and waking up - the old man was talking in his sleep
Civilization
During this time, my face was burning with pain. It was reality that gave me a loud slap in the face -
At the end of November 2022, I felt inspired and wrote an article titled "Facing Helplessness. The main theme of the article "Calm and Confident" is: I am proud to be Chinese! When the Western world fell to the ravages of the epidemic, and tens of thousands of creatures shrank to the ground without dignity, and "thousands of households were deserted and ghosts sang", we spent three years sincerely practicing the zero-emission policy, united as one to stick to the epidemic prevention position, and unswervingly safeguarded people's lives and health. With admiration, I wrote an article to express my heart. After the article was published, the enthusiasm for loving the party and the country fueled the enthusiasm of all readers. Within a few days, more than 5,000 people read it, and they all left comments and likes for our epidemic prevention policy.
What is quite dramatic is that a week later, our epidemic prevention policy also made a reversal adjustment, aligning with the Western world: no matter who is controlled, people with or without illness can move freely, no more health codes, and no more nucleic acid tests . On the fourth day after the epidemic was released, that is, on the evening of December 11, 2022, I was unprepared. The epidemic embraced me ferociously. I began to contract a fever. No one in the family, old or young, or the housekeeper who worked at home, was spared. It was as if I had been thrown off the roller coaster of life, feeling helpless and abandoned, with a sense of emptiness and no place to go. I was in constant physical and mental pain!
I was confused and dozing for a while, as if I was dreaming and waking up - the turbulent and unpredictable tide of life enveloped me, a pawn of life, and made me dizzy and unable to find the north, as if I was in a state of dreaming and waking up.
I firmly believe that the operators of the epidemic prevention policy must have made careful scientific calculations, repeated and careful deductions, and weighed the situation before deciding to adjust the epidemic prevention policy; I also firmly believe that our party, which has not forgotten its original aspiration and kept its mission in mind, and our governments at all levels with the purpose of "serving the people" must have made orderly and layered deployments, carefully arranged level-level mobilizations, understood the situation with reason, and used emotion to clarify the national situation. The international situation, the public sentiment and public opinion, the political and economic needs of the people, the changing trend of the epidemic, and the understanding of the changing trend of the epidemic, so that the people are fully aware and convinced, and are mentally and materially prepared for contingency; I also firmly believe that the people at all levels must be the country's government. Servants must have measured one-third of an acre of land under their jurisdiction with their footsteps, must have understood and understood their fathers and fellow villagers with true feelings, and must have written the answers to their actions with "worry before the world's worries, and be happy after the world's happiness".
Unfortunately, I have very little perception!
I don’t know whether it is the chaos of reality that gives me the answer to chaos, or whether I am too old and too chaotic to be confused with the clear reality?
I am just a member of the lower class of society, a grassroots party member with 50 years of party experience. My position is too low and I know too little. I have seen those figures who are working hard for the country at the center of the political stage from the news broadcast on TV; I have also heard the voices of the party and the government from CCTV mainstream media . However, I have not been able to watch TV for more than three months, and I cannot connect with reality - it is said that the county is going to build a civilized county or a sanitary county. The messy network lines are unsightly and have been cleared. Since September 2022, there has been no TV signal, completely blocking my window to connect with reality.
I didn’t see the festive atmosphere in front of Tiananmen on National Day, I couldn’t feel the enthusiasm and grandeur of the 20th National Congress of our Party, and I heard about the death of the third generation leader of our Party... At every time point, I called the TV manager and begged to say, cut off water, power, and Internet. This is a sensitive political event, hurry up and repair it! The woman who answered the phone seemed to know me and was very polite to me. She said I would rush me every time and I would register for you.I'm afraid I won't be able to watch the Spring Festival Gala, so I've been urged to , she said helplessly, after the reform, the Internet company became an enterprise and could not pay wages, and the wiring workers were also "yang" and could not make a living...
In desperation, I had to pick up the mobile phone, but what was transmitted to me on the mobile phone was not the green of spring, but mostly the desolation of winter - relatives and friends all became sunny; the hospital was so overcrowded that even the corridor of the surgical department was occupied by medical patients; several familiar people All my friends who were younger than me passed away one after another this time; a high school teacher I worked in the city passed away, and the funeral parlor in the city couldn't accommodate him, so he had to be cremated in the county seat; in December, the Republic lost many academicians in succession, and the Qing Dynasty Dozens of professors at North China University died in droves; a Sword of Darkness hung above their heads, and there was anxiety and panic on the negative side, and unbearable suffering on the positive side. Everyone was preparing for reality, but everyone was feeling lost and anxious. It seemed that the north wind was blowing and the cold was blowing everywhere.
There are also some joking with each other, both playfully and sadly: In order to avoid infection, the work unit gathers the positive people into an office called the Yangjian, and puts the negative people into an office called the underworld. Some people call the leadership office in advance to ask whether the leader is in the Yangjian or the underworld; there are some self-media that are inexplicably noisy and prosperous, singing and singing, and for no reason they are filled with the joy of the wedding room. There is a festive atmosphere; from time to time, experts use fake wisdom to show their erudition and compassion for saving people. Some experts say that the new coronavirus is just like the flu, and you can turn to yin in three to five days and recover...
We have a vast land of 9.6 million square kilometers, with 56 ethnic groups and a population of 1.4 billion. How can one expert cover and guide everything in one sentence?
In the world of mortals, there are not only comprador financial oligarchs and monopoly capitalists with astonishing wealth, but also people who carry burdens like chickens on carts. Not only are there wealthy people with luxury cars and houses, but there are also lonely widowers and prostitutes in back alleys. How can an expert treat all kinds of people in one fell swoop? It’s not that I don’t trust experts, I’m just afraid that experts may be kidnapped by interest groups and mislead the public. Experts can only serve as advisers to policymakers and cannot replace the government in guiding the overall situation of epidemic prevention. I trust our party, our government, and our mainstream media more!
I became positive this time, and it seemed that I had aged many years suddenly. It was definitely not like the flu that experts said. Twenty days had passed, and I still felt unsteady on my feet, tired and had tightness in my chest, and no longer had my usual energy. Fortunately, family affection is like fire, warming the heart and lungs - brothers are like brothers and sisters, they care about each other; sons and daughters-in-law are very filial, and grandchildren are very pleasant: they rush to buy eggs, meat, food and milk, medicines are all in front of them, and the family is as harmonious as spring and we can fight the epidemic together... People have three thousand illnesses, but only family love is the most pleasant!
But I have been staying at home for a long time. I can’t watch TV and I don’t want to watch on my mobile phone. Even my habit of reading without letting go of the book has been bitten by the disease. I eat, sleep and bask in the sun every day. I am bored and look like I am waiting to die. Life and death are the integral parts of life, and birth and death are also the original meaning of life. I'm not afraid of death, but the process of waiting for death is too boring.
I want to indulge myself in having a few good dreams, indulge in dreams, indulge in the anesthesia of dreams, and waste time avoiding reality. Wouldn't it be beautiful? But I am in a state of dreaming and waking up every day, so will my sweet dreams ever come to me? Youxia Chun Yufen 's Nankeyi Meng, Lu Sheng's Huangliang The beautiful dream is exactly the same dream of wealth. In the end, the dream will wake up, and life will be empty. It's okay for me, an old man, not to do it; Jiang Yanmeng wrote this This kind of dream has nothing to do with me. Jiang Yan dreamed that someone took back his colorful pen. From then on, Jiang Lang's talent was exhausted and he could no longer write good articles. I am just a literature lover. I only express my feelings without expressing my feelings. There is no risk of fame or fortune. How can I use up my talent if I have no talent? Li Bai It is certainly a good dream to dream that my writing skills are like a waterfall of flowers, and that my writing skills produce flowers. How can I, a sick person, have such an opportunity? December 26th is the anniversary of Chairman Mao’s 129th birthday. I took an early lunch break and wanted to dream about Chairman Mao and see how the old man conquered nature and continued to write a new chapter of " Sends the God of Plague " with a pen that can swallow mountains and rivers like rafters.Maybe I missed Chairman Mao too much and couldn't bear it. I never dreamed...
Literature is the savior of a boring life - I sat down in front of the computer and typed on the keyboard. My wife came after me and asked me lovingly: "It's so cold in the house, you don't want your life? Life is more important than anything else! Why are you writing nonsense?"
I glared at her: "What can I write nonsense? I'm not a member of the Propaganda Department. I can't write a commendation. I can write that being sick is beautiful? Writing about being sick is beautiful. Can it stimulate the economy? I can't even moan a few times as a sick old man?"
In fact, what she said is quite reasonable. Those power seekers who like to be officials don't like my words. They don't like me telling the truth, and they don't like me speaking for the people. I stared at my wife's face, trying to find an area without wrinkles. I failed. I looked at her hunched body and swallowed her words again.
My wife is right, there is no heating at home, the ice is 80 degrees cold and the cold is biting. Old people in Yanghou are afraid of the cold. It would be nice if spring comes -
How far is spring?
where is spring?
while awake?
in a dream?
Still between dreaming and waking up?
About the author: Duan Wenming is from Jiankou Township, Luoning County. The "old three students" from high school returned to their hometown as educated youth. He worked as a farmer before the age of 36 and worked as a minor official after attending college. He loves literature and is a member of the Henan Provincial Writers Association. He has published the first and second volumes of the essay collection "Years Are Like a Song", the short story collection "Incomplete", the novella collection "Not Just for Love", and the essay collection "Walking and Singing". His works have won many awards.
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