No one alive wants to die, they all want to live. But some people live well and some live badly. People who live well live rich, peaceful, happy, and contented lives; people who live poorly live frustrated, depressed, distracted, bored, and hopeless lives. , live frustrated, live angry...
So, what determines happiness, and what determines the length and quality of our lives?
I often hear this sentence, saying that we should pursue the breadth of life, not the length of life, and we should pursue the quality of life, not the quantity of life. But people who actually live a long life tend to have a better quality of life.
For example, an old woman in the countryside lived to be over ninety or one hundred years old. Some people may say: Oh, why do you live so long in such a poor place? However, people don’t feel poor, they feel happy.
A sister in our church is over eighty years old. Her mother is still alive and well. Her mother is one hundred and four years old this year and still alive and well.
Pictures from the Internet
Recently I have been thinking about this question: What kind of people live long and what kind of people are not easy to live long? (It’s not that you can never live a long life, but this kind of longevity is a small probability, but there is a kind of person who has a high probability of living a long life, and they can basically live a long life) is a matter of worrying and not worrying!
Psychology is actually very limited. In any psychology textbook, any textbook written by a psychologist, if you look for the word "worry", there will be no good explanation, or even no explanation at all. This word may not be in the dictionary of psychology.
But in real life, we people either like to worry or we don’t like to worry; either we worry more or we worry less. Everyone is worried, but psychology has not studied worry . It can be seen that the study of human beings in psychology is not comprehensive. It does not involve all aspects of human behavior and psychology. This requires us to answer this question through our own observation and thinking.
Let me give you an example from around me: My mother doesn’t worry. My mother has never called us on her own initiative, and she hasn’t called us in decades. "Son, how are you doing lately? How is your health? How is your food? How is your baby going to school?" No spanking.
Ask my wife, ask my brother. My brother also works out of town, and my mother lives with my brother. You ask my brother, my mother never took the initiative to call anyone, nor did she take the initiative to tell my brother: "Please help me call the second child, call the third child, I miss the second child." No, there has never been such a thing. She doesn't worry.
miss, worry, always like to care, take care of, considerate, understand, help, you will worry. You feel as if your behavior is reasonable, but in fact it is unreasonable. What is unreasonable about
? Unreasonable for health.
You should worry less and take care of your own heart. If you can't take care of your own heart, you will want to worry about other people's hearts. Mind your own business, What is nosy? Things that have nothing to do with health and mentality are all idle things, and things that have nothing to do with life and death are all idle things. If you see it as important, it will become bigger. If you see it as unimportant, it will be as light as a hair.
There are two major events in life - life and death. My father passed away. For such a big thing, my mother didn't even shed a single tear. I was handling the funeral in my hometown. I was very busy and grieving at the time, so I didn’t ask about it.
Afterwards, I asked my mother: "Are you sad that my dad died?" My mother said: "Hey, it's time to die." Damn it, it's time to get old.
But if you say in your heart that it shouldn’t be, I don’t want him to die, he shouldn’t die, then you will suffer.
Not caring, not pitying, not thinking about help, not thinking about concern, seems to feel very heartless, but "the Tao is ruthless but affectionate", people with great wisdom understand this sentence, but those with little wisdom cannot.
Many people always think: Oh, if our children want to buy a house, we have to pay some money; if our children are sick, we have to take care of them; if our children have children or have grandchildren, we should help them take care of their children; If work is not going well, I will be unhappy; my child’s health will Not healthy, unhappy...
Putting your heart on others, other than yourself, too much, this is called worrying, and you have a bad mentality. My mother just doesn't worry, resolutely doesn't worry, resolutely doesn't worry, doesn't worry at all. If you don't worry, your heart will be light, and your heart will be very light. When your heart is light, it will be pure.
On the other hand, I have relatives in my family. For example, my second aunt is very strong and wants to be strong. My mother doesn’t want to be strong at all. People who don’t want to be strong don’t worry about it.
Worrying is directly related to being strong. People who worry overestimate their abilities and always feel that they can affect the fate of others and bring happiness and convenience to others.
Maybe if you don’t worry, others will exercise better through difficulties.
I don’t want my mother to worry about me either. Just keep yourself safe, you keep yours safe, and I keep mine safe.
We often hope that our mothers will care about us. We subconsciously say: "Oh my God", just hoping to get maternal love in difficult times.
In fact, in difficult times, you don’t need maternal love, because you will grow faster.
"Oh my God", this is a voice from the subconscious mind. Mom thinks you are calling her. This long-standing psychological habit of mothers helping their children is not good. Let your mother live more. It is better to live well and live longer than to worry about you.
There was a lady. Her mother and father were lying on the bed and could not move. She herself is in her fifties. The place where she works is very far, and she can't drive. She will take the shuttle bus, get off the bus and then walk. It takes three hours to go back and forth. Before going to work, she has to go to her parents' house to take care of them. When I get home from get off work, I can't go back to my own home, so I go directly to my parents' house to take care of my parents.
Many people suggested that her parents spend money to hire a nanny or caregiver to take care of them, but they refused to do so. Why? Save money! The two of them are quite rich, but they just don’t invite me. Why? They said they would leave all the money they saved to their children. As a result, the daughter who took care of them was not in good health. She was so sick that she looked like she was about to die.
Everyone who looks at her says: "Oh, how come your body is like this?"
She was diagnosed with three serious diseases: diabetes, extremely high blood sugar, and severe pulmonary nodules, seven percent There is fibrosis in ten places, and there are thyroid nodules .
Her parents wanted to leave money and more to their children. As a result, you did not die, but your daughter died. What kind of mentality is this?
Keep yourself safe. This is a good attitude.
In addition, it is the case of my aunt. My aunt is very strong, extremely strong, but what is the result? She is sick all over her body, and she walks like a slump. Not only is her health not good, but her mentality is also bad, and she is angry every day.
There are several people around me who love to worry. My mother-in-law loves to worry. As soon as I got married, I felt that my mother-in-law was too worried. When I came to my house, as soon as I entered the door, I asked, "Winter is coming. Have you stored the potatoes?" No. "Has the cabbage been stored well?" No.
This is all for you to worry about. As soon as you enter the door, you will be asked: "Is the coal ready?" At that time, Xinjiang had to store a lot of coal for the winter, and I said it was done. Then she went to the coal pile to see if it was enough. Once she saw it was not enough, she said, "Buy some more!" and she couldn't stop worrying. How is
now? Coronary heart disease , atherosclerosis, Alzheimer's disease are very serious, and there is also stubborn insomnia. It can be said that after the age of sixty, her only friend is illness, and insomnia hugs her every night.
If you like to worry, you may not live long and have little happiness. Of course, this cannot be too absolute. Worry less, have a good attitude, live longer, and be more happy. Even with such a simple example, everyone still can’t do it.
Sometimes, you really have to become ruthless. Being too emotional but lacking in rationality violates some of the laws of life.
The law of life is not to let you worry too much. If you ruin yourself in advance, you will either ruin your happiness or your life span. There is less happiness and shorter life span, but mentality is still the most important.
When it comes to longevity, the first is heredity, and the second is mentality.
Many people say: "Hey, look at Shanghai, Suzhou and other places with developed economies and long average life expectancy." People in Suzhou now have the longest life span in the country, which seems to be more than 84 years old. However, if you are financially poor and not rich in rural areas, you need to have a good attitude at this time and use it to deal with poverty and all kinds of troubles.
Although the average life expectancy of people in economically developed areas is relatively long, this is medical life span, which is actually not very interesting. Medical lifespan is a lifespan that is extended by modern medicine.
Ancient people lived to be over eighty years old, like I lived to be over eighty years old, which is equivalent to one hundred and thirty years old now. They had never seen a doctor. There was basically no medicine at that time, just simple traditional medicine. People like Kant and Russell also lived a long life. Basically, medicine was underdeveloped at that time. Unlike now, almost most hospitals have ways to treat you.
live a natural age, the age without medical intervention. There is an old man in Wuxi. His hometown is Hubei. I went to his home. He is now over ninety years old. He told me that he had not been to the hospital in fifty years and had not taken any medicine. This old man had a good heart and a very good attitude.
He may still be fine now. He held a meeting with his children and said: "After I die, I am not allowed to buy a cemetery or buy an urn. After burning it, I put it in a plastic bag and throw it away. Taihu Spread and that’s it.” has a very good mentality. Mentality is more important than anything else. If you have a bad mentality, being an emperor is not interesting. If you have a good mentality, being a tramp is quite interesting.
Pictures from the Internet
What is mentality, it is the state of your mental activity. If the state of mental activity is good, then it is really good, because we feel the world with our hearts, and feel happiness and pain.
With a good attitude, it is easier to feel peace and joy. Having a bad attitude and feeling are all bad things. You must have a good attitude, and you can reduce other things!
This article is reproduced from the "Different Psychology" public account
About the author
Wang Guorong, psychologist, independent scholar, writer, the founder of Chinese holistic psychotherapy and the first person of evidence-based psychotherapy in China. He used to be the chief academic consultant of Psychiatrist Magazine and a senior psychotherapist at Shanghai Boai Hospital. He is one of the most powerful and talented psychologists in China.
has published more than ten influential psychological monographs, among which "Breakthrough Treatment for Students' Psychological Problems" has been listed as a collection book by hundreds of domestic universities including Peking University, Tsinghua University, and "50 Kinds of Psychology" "Treatment and Adjustment Methods" won the Most Popular Book Award from the China University Press Alliance, and "The 10 Most Important Things in Life" "Relationship" was listed as a psychology master series by China Culture Publishing House, and "Shaking Hands with Depression" won the Most Popular Professional Book Award.
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-