Perhaps because we are too close, we ignore each other's feelings and needs, and use violent words to cause pain to ourselves and others.
As the preface of the book says: I once thought that my life would be dedicated to responding to the pain of life. But such a heavy and gloomy life is not what I want. "Nonviolent Communication" made me discover that my life can respond to the beauty of life. Since
has discovered the problem, we can naturally solve the problem based on the problem found.
Express yourself honestly using nonviolent communication
First, pay attention to what is happening. What do we observe at this moment? Like it or not, just say what people do. The point is to express observations clearly without judgment or evaluation. Next, express feelings, such as hurt, fear, joy, happiness, anger, etc. Then, name the needs that lead to that feeling.
A campus version of the "fandom war" once broke out in my middle school dormitory. Even though everyone reconciled later, there are still knots in my heart, just like the reunited mirror that always has cracks.
When faced with other people’s misunderstandings about people with whom we have a good relationship, our instinctive reaction is to explain. Then I hate this person who talks nonsense, because the explanation of the speaker's dissatisfaction will inevitably be filled with the smell of gunpowder.
would think about it afterwards, if his approach had been more appropriate, he wouldn't have had to make the relationship so ugly. After all, his original intention was not to enmity.
has a saying: Self-blame will make us feel guilty, ashamed, and even disgusted with ourselves; while refuting the other party will make us feel angry and escalate the quarrel.
In fact, many words can achieve the same explanation effect, but it will not make everyone stand down. Without personal emotions, just stating the facts objectively, you can also make yourself look grand. A madman makes a racket, which makes onlookers feel unreasonable even if it is reasonable.
Use non-violent communication to generate positive responses from people
People are very strange creatures. A hundred pounds of their weight is and anti-bone .
As Dr. Luxemburg said: Once people think we are forcing them, they will be less willing to fulfill our wishes.
Just like in school, you can obviously do some tasks by yourself. But if the class committee arrogantly asks you to go, you will feel uncomfortable. I couldn't help but want to play devil's advocate, "Who are you? Don't you know how to speak well?"
Non-violent communication is also essential when getting along with friends.
I have a friend, because when we are in love, her boyfriend is longer than her boyfriend, and she spends all her time hanging out with her boyfriend.
Sometimes it was clearly the two of us, but after meeting her boyfriend on the way, she abruptly changed it to a threesome. The most difficult thing to accept is that I am not familiar with her boyfriend, but she, the middleman, only cares about chatting with her boyfriend and ignores me. This makes me very embarrassed.
For this reason, I even thought about giving up this friend. Later, after some psychological struggle, I decided to have a good talk with her.
I told her that her behavior made me very embarrassed, and could she take care of me when she meets her boyfriend again in the future. Don't ignore me as soon as you see your boyfriend. I'm not familiar with your boyfriend. If you continue to ignore me, I really don't know what to do. I'm glad I had this conversation, it saved me from losing a good friend.
Through an afternoon of conversation, I expressed my requirements. It also made our friendship closer, and she told me that talking to me helped her understand why another friend of hers suddenly distanced herself from her.
At that moment, I just felt that I had a great sense of accomplishment.
We need to clearly express our wishes so that others can respond to us. If you keep expecting others to figure it out, the relationship will fade away long ago.
We use the correct language to express our emotions and express our wishes in the language of love.It will not sound like a strong complaint to others, only in this way can the relationship between each other be further improved and the two sides get along more comfortably.
Use nonviolent communication to talk to yourself and accept yourself
At the beginning, I didn’t expect to learn much. However, after reading this book, I discovered that the way I motivated myself was unintentionally promoting self-hatred. Because I thought I ‘should’ be able to do many things, I kept blaming myself, ordering myself, and demanding myself. This inevitably leads to inner division and dissatisfaction. And NVC reminds me to listen to the different voices within me and the needs they reflect—which promotes self-understanding and inner harmony.
Oscar Wilde said: Loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
Our sometimes extreme words are entirely because we do not accept ourselves.
Lin Qingxuan once said: "Nine out of ten things in life are unsatisfactory. You often think about one or two, but eighty-nine times if you don't think about it, everything goes as you wish."
In the face of unsatisfactory life, it is difficult for us not to complain. Complain that the teacher assigns too much homework, complain that the test papers are unreasonable, and complain about the unnecessary face-saving projects.
When these things become what we have to do, a deep sense of powerlessness will sweep through the body. But if these things become our choice, they are not so hard to accept.
Since these things cannot be escaped, it is better to face them with a different mentality. At least this will not make you angry. If you think more about their benefits, it will not be difficult to accept them.
Let love lead our learning and growth. Learning and growth will lead to more harmony and less complaints.
Although everyone has different values and lifestyles, they all share common feelings and needs as human beings. In this way, when conflicts and conflicts occur, using non-violent communication, we will be able to focus on each other's feelings and needs, thus promoting listening, understanding and heartfelt mutual help.
I firmly believe that love can heal the wounds of the soul!
