Original Muen Han snail's study 
022-10-05 18:06 published in Guangdong
included in the collection #Book article 9
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Adler once said: "Lucky people are cured by childhood all their lives, and unfortunate people are cured by childhood all their lives."
In life, how many people always live in the shadow of childhood. Sometimes we are anxious, restless, and have weak feelings, which is closely related to our original family and childhood experiences.
We all know that the original family and childhood experience will have a great impact on our future lives, but we don’t know what impact and what it will affect! But you will get some inspiration from the book "What Have You Got Through".
"What Have You Experienced" The author of the book is the famous American talk show host Oprah and the child psychiatrist Perry.
content originated from a discussion of two patients on trauma, brain, resilience and healing for more than 30 years, and used dialogue and real cases to illustrate the scientific logic behind this.
helps you understand yourself, empathize with others, and get the opportunity to rebuild your destiny.
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Some unpleasant experiences when I was young will affect our growth.
It is said that life is hard! Yes, being born as a human does not mean that you will be able to grow up smoothly.
In the early stages of our lives, we may be ignored, treated indifferently, lack support and care; during our growth, we may encounter violence, betrayal, hurt, loss of relatives, etc.
The trauma formed by these bad events or experiences can be indelible.
It was already past 11 o'clock in the evening, and the helpless girl was curled up in the corner, and the door was suddenly kicked open. A rude man rushed in with alcohol, cursing, throwing things, beating his wife and children.
The girl was kicked a few times, and she was like a leaf in the wind in the push and shook, with despair, trembling, palpitations and heartache, and poor breathing... This is Xiao Min from childhood.
For many years since then, whenever she hears footsteps on the stairs, she will involuntarily sweat and fall into fear.
This is Xiao Min, a girl who was abused by the drunkard's father, and
This is the trauma of childhood.
Due to parents' verbal humiliation or belittlement, or other mental abuse, it will become the fuse for depression, anxiety or schizophrenia , and even directly affect physical health.
What we have experienced in the past determines our current appearance, behavior and motivation for doing things.
If you have been lacking love since childhood, being ignored and impatience-oriented, or growing up in a family with negative impacts such as violent quarrels, brokenness and intactness, when you grow up, you will become a person who is indifferent, introverted, inferior, difficult to integrate into, feel that you do not deserve love, and even in serious cases, you will be autistic.
If you have experienced certain specific events and hurt you, you will automatically act to resist, rebelliously fear or escape paralysis when you grow up.
There is a parent-child program. After watching it, people sighed deeply: the video of a junior high school boy looks like a junior high school boy in
. He wants to go out to play, but he hasn't finished his homework. My mother didn't let him go, "I can only go after my homework!" said my mother. "I'm going now!" The child was a little impatient.
"Then I will lock you at home alone." Mom threatened.
"Then I will beat you to death." The child became irritable.
Immediately afterwards, the child threw something and beat his mother. The parenting expert next to him was surprised.After communicating with my mother, I realized that when I was a child, when my child wanted to share her thoughts with her, she was busy watching TV series and watching videos, and letting the child go away without raising her head.
The child plays with his friends and asks other children to give in to her children everywhere. The child accidentally did something wrong, and he yelled at the wrong side, and he still had to preach him afterwards;
When the child cried sadly, she felt annoyed, threatened the child to send him away, or threw him out of the door, and let him enter the door after crying, watching the child crying heart-wrenchingly...
As you heard it, you are the same as me, and your heart tightened, feeling that this child's childhood has no warmth and no boundaries?
This is a problem with love, and the child’s heart has never been nourished by love. A selfish and indifferent child has experienced so much sadness and disappointment to become like this.
has not been loved correctly, how can he know how to love his lover?
So, when the child is still young, we must let him learn to understand others, give love, and take responsibility.
When a person experiences trauma when he is a child, he will have obsessions and behaviors that accompany him throughout his life
The trauma we have suffered since childhood will not be forgotten because of the passage of time, but will be deeply remembered by the brain and body!
Pain will not disappear out of thin air, and time will not dilute everything. Our negative emotions, negative mentality, and abnormal behaviors today all have their origins. If you want to be healed, you must trace the root cause and no longer question what is wrong with yourself, but review "what you have experienced".
Just like planting a tree, you must first plant a seed. If people want to try to solve negative emotions, dark mentality or abnormal behaviors in adulthood, they may have to learn to trace the root cause and not question what is wrong with themselves, but reflect on "what I have experienced".
In the book, Oprah told her tragic childhood story from the beginning. She was always beaten by her grandmother, and her body was drawn with blood marks. She almost couldn't stand firm after being beaten. She was forced to shut up or even smile, pretending that nothing had happened.
Childhood trauma is actually repeatedly denying oneself.
If you cannot accept the past rationally, you will force yourself to cover up and escape from memory, and these traumas will become eternal pain.
The more we deny ourselves, the more we cannot reconcile with the past, and fighting the past will consume our huge energy.
If a child is cared for and loved and affirmed from an early age, he will become a confident and sunny person, because his brain is developed soundly, and the neuromodulation network is normal, and his psychological tolerance will be much stronger when facing setbacks, and it will be easier to achieve good results when doing things.
Therefore, we should not stay on the surface of the problem and be entangled in the problem itself. We need to understand what we have experienced in the past in order to face trauma, discover the essence of the problem, establish resilience , gain the opportunity to rebuild life and wisdom after trauma.
Even if you have these bad effects, don’t be afraid. You can eventually guide yourself to heal by scientific methods
When you experience adversity, you can review, reflect, learn, and grow from experience.
If a person has not experienced adversity, it will be difficult for him to understand others. Adversity, challenges, despair, loss, trauma - all of which can drive a person to develop strong empathy and become smarter.
People will never be able to get rid of the past in their entire lives, because what is called the past must be eternal, but they can choose to love themselves again the day after tomorrow and restore themselves little by little through positive adjustment. In short, If no one becomes our light, then we will be our own light and heal ourselves.
If you have ever experienced trauma, are not understood by others, are always labeled with all kinds of annoying labels, and cannot get out of the predicament, this book may inspire you.
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022, it is destined to be an extraordinary year. Wars continue, epidemics are raging, natural disasters and man-made disasters are constantly happening, and black swan events are frequent... In such difficult days, it is too difficult for everyone. We need to light up the light in our hearts again, illuminate others and warm ourselves. As long as the light in your heart is still there, you can be reborn without fear of darkness.
All this is happening, all this we are going through. Is it a crisis and a turning point? If you still live well after experiencing these things, you will undoubtedly be happy. You and I are the lucky ones who survived after passing countless misfortunes. We should all be grateful for all this.
May each of us heal ourselves and love ourselves well for the rest of our lives.
