Dear son: Time flies so fast. In the blink of an eye, you are already in the third grade of junior high school. Over the past ten years, you have grown from an ignorant child to a handsome young man. You, who is much taller than your mother, have become silent. And restrained.

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Dear ’s son :

Time flies so fast. In a blink of an eye, you are already in the third grade of junior high school. Over the past ten years, you have grown from an ignorant child to a handsome young man. Now that you are much taller than your mother, you have become silent and reserved. There were dark beards around the corners of his mouth, and his eyes were quiet and deep, showing an independent distance.

But my mother doesn’t know how to communicate with you now, because although you have the height and weight of an adult, and have the understanding of “I have grown up” in your heart, you are actually still a child, and many of your ideas are immature or even Childish and without regard for consequences. At this point, you will definitely say, "No, I have grown up." Well, let's talk about whether you have grown up today.

I remember that since you were very young, you were used to looking for your mother when you had something to do. You always say:

Mom, my clothes are dirty, please help me wash them.

Mom, let’s go on an outing tomorrow. Please help me pack my luggage.

I have always been used to listening to your instructions. I always thought that you were still young, and I was also used to taking care of you all the time. However, now that you are living in school, you are an older child. You are the sports committee member of the class, the little star on the basketball court, and the class publicity committee member. Moreover, he frequently won prizes in municipal physics competitions and was hailed as a "Master of Physics" by his classmates. Dad and I are so proud of you.

But son, no one is perfect, and no gold is pure. Don't you think so? Your self-care ability is particularly poor in life. According to the life teacher, your bed is always the messiest, with shoes and clothes lying around, and the quilt is often not folded after getting up. Every Friday after school, you have to pack the dirty clothes from the week home for your mother to wash. Even in summer, you are like this. Some clothes are piled aside and smell like sweat stains, causing roommates to protest against you.

Even at home, if I don't tidy up, your room will always be a mess. Every time I go in, I will be shocked by the messiness of your room, but you don't take it seriously, thinking that this is a man's personality, and a man should be informal.

On weekends, the situation in our family is basically this: I wash clothes in the bathroom, dad prepares delicious food for you in the kitchen, and you, who is lying on the sofa playing with your phone to relax, always do it while I mop the floor and wipe the table. Lift your head. I used to think that as long as you study well, your parents will do anything for you.

But now, I have discovered that 's way of sacrificing itself and doing its best for you has not cultivated the child who knows how to cherish what we want. Instead, has created a child whose wings have deteriorated and his will has been severely weakened.

The more we love you and indulge your endless dependence and demands on your parents, the more selfishness and laziness in your heart will grow endlessly...

I believe that Chinese mothers love their children best in the world. From the time their children go to kindergarten, primary school, middle school, or university, to finding a job, getting married, or having children, mothers are worried about them all the time—even if they worry about their children, they have no complaints.

Son, let me share with you an article I once read:

Shala, a Jewish descendant who was born in Shanghai, has two sons and one daughter. She later divorced and moved to Israel with her three children. When he first arrived in Israel, Shala supported his family by selling spring rolls.

At that time, Shala was still used to thinking according to the thinking of Chinese mothers: no matter how hard is, it cannot hurt the children. So, she sent her children to study every day, and then started making and selling spring rolls herself. When the children came home, she was busy cooking alone, while the children gathered around the warm stove and waited for their mother to bring the food to the table... Her only request for the children was: as long as they can go to college. .

This situation lasted for a while, and finally a neighbor aunt couldn't stand it.One day, she came over and said to Shala's eldest son: "You are already a big boy. You should learn to help your mother instead of watching your mother busy and looking like a waste." Then the aunt said dissatisfiedly Sala shouted: "Don't think that you are the mother after giving birth to a child, and you can dote on your child as much as you want. You are not loving the child, but harming the child!"

Sala later discovered that in Israeli families, there are no children. Exceptions must be made to participate in housework, and the richer the children, the more their parents push them out of the house to experience a hard life. So Sarah sincerely accepted the neighbor's aunt's opinion.

In order to cultivate children's survival skills, she asked the children to help sell spring rolls for a fee, and they could get a commission of 20% for each spring roll sold. It was in the process of selling spring rolls that the children learned to deal with strangers. Shala also drew a schedule and hung it on the wall at home. The schedule stipulated who should wash clothes, cook, and clean the room on which days. After a "family meeting", everyone unanimously decided to establish a "parent on duty" and stipulated the tasks of the "parent on duty".

On his first day as the "parent on duty", Salad's eldest son mopped the floor early in the morning, bought bread nearby for breakfast, and announced that dinner that day would be stir-fried cabbage and soup. Because the three children take turns to be on duty, Salad can sleep in every Sunday morning, and the child who is on duty that day will go to the refrigerator to take out yogurt, bread, fry an egg, and then arrange breakfast.

Everyone can pamper children, even hens. However, learning to love children so "cruelly" is not something ordinary people can do.

Today, both of Sala's sons are successful diamond dealers. In a book she wrote, Sarah summarized the secrets of Jewish mothers educating their children: "A soft heart is harm, and a cruel heart is love. Whoever dotes on his children will one day bandage their wounds."

Son, I am yours Mom, however, love is not a substitute. Hope you can understand.

Love your mother

Growth bag

In recent years, through empirical evidence and repeated practice, the Western education community has come up with a communication method that can make teenagers willing to open their hearts, actively pay attention and respond - "strength-based approach " )": That is, when the communicator communicates with teenagers, family members, and children's formal or informal "key players", the content should focus on exploring how to bring into play the teenagers themselves, family environment, and available resources. strengths and weaknesses and avoid constantly talking about the shortcomings, flaws, problems, and abnormalities of adolescents. Communication of the "Focus on Strengths Method" can start from these three aspects:

1) Understand each of their perspectives

2) Increase the possibility that they will view teenagers from an optimistic side 3) Maximize the possibility of improving some aspect of teenagers' transition to adulthood Help them

Correspondingly, you can use the "focus on strengths method" to do a "strengths discovery assessment": about the environment, needs, aspirations of the young person and them, as well as those informal important influencers. This approach can also uncover untapped and unsolicited natural support systems for young people and families, such as when a child is confused about a problem and someone in the family has successfully solved the problem or has resources to help. Solve it, which will be of great benefit to improving children's adaptability and physical and mental health.

Note: Whether a person is an important influencer will be judged by the actual degree of influence he or she has on young people. Formal important influencers include teachers, coaches, parents, relatives, male and female friends, etc., and informal important influencers include friends, neighbors, acquaintances, alumni, etc.

References

Hewitt, B., Clark, R., Hart, K. (2009). Navigating the obstacle course: an evidence-supported community transition system. Transition of Youth Young Adults with Emotional or Behavioral Difficulties, 2, 50- 54 .

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Sunshine departure, education foundation

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