Click to send a private message to a netizen: Muyao, how have you been these past few years? A long-lost warmth instantly melts the softest heart. I am extremely grateful to you, whom I have never met, for making me feel that there is always a meter of sunshine around me. He replied "It's pretty good" and sighed, bringing his thoughts back to reality.
The fact is that due to depression these years, I am no longer suitable to be on the stage, but to manage books. The fatal thing is that I, who originally loved reading, could never find the necessity to live in the huge library, which made me feel even more inferior. Giving up the podium felt like I had been abandoned by the whole world.
1. My boss always wanted to hurt me
After I got depressed, I knew how terrible depression was. Sometimes life and death can be a matter of just a thought. So I have been silently working hard to strengthen my heart, and I am determined to come out. In 2018, I could barely go to school and work alone. However, communication with my colleagues is extremely limited. In my mind, I classify my colleagues and leaders into good guys and bad guys. I think most leaders are bad people who want to harm me and kill me.
One afternoon, I just arrived at the school gate and suddenly received a call from the union chairman. He said: I saw that you have arrived at the school gate. Please come to my office...I didn’t say a word. I dare say that after I put down the phone, I was completely stunned. Despair and pain wrapped me tightly. Endless fear attacked me fiercely. My eyes were filled with tears. I thought painfully: It turns out that he has been following me. Watch me! He knows where I go! I will definitely die in his hands today, he will definitely kill me.
The school gate is only a few minutes away from the administrative building, and the labor union is on the second floor. I moved my steps little by little with difficulty. I wanted to delay my farewell to this world as much as possible. Suddenly I found that the door of the gymnasium room on the left was open. I walked into the gymnasium room as if I was grasping a life-saving straw. I don’t know what I said to the gymnasium teacher, because this gymnasium teacher was not what I thought was a "good person". I just remember She said "I don't want to deal with the boss" and expressed the same feeling. I walked out of the sports room hopelessly and continued to move towards the road of death. In just a few minutes, I just walked out of a century.
finally arrived. I stood helplessly at the door, waiting for the union chairman to kill me. I would just die. Living is too tiring anyway. I saw him take out a big envelope from the drawer, take out a card from the envelope, and say: The Mid-Autumn Festival is here, each teacher has a cake card. Oh, I slowly breathed a sigh of relief, but still didn't dare to approach him. He handed it to me and asked me to sign it. I took the card without saying a word, quickly wrote my name, turned around and ran away. When I went downstairs to escape life and death, I realized that my palms were all wet.
A long time later, I told this matter to a good colleague. The colleague said, since it is so painful, you don’t have to go. Yes, if I were to say this today, I would say the same thing. However, due to some strange circumstances, I would not have thought so at that time, let alone do this. His phone call is an "instruction". He is like a man in a daze, and you must follow the instruction whether it is through mountains of fire or sea.
2. Vice-Principal’s Office, Experience Life and Death Again
One year, I was doing preparatory work for balanced development, and I needed to go to the Vice-Principal’s Office to print out some information. That office is also on the second floor. There are four leaders in it, including two "bad" ones, one "good" one, and a new one who I can't figure out yet. When I went in to prepare for printing, both the "good" and "bad" people were there. After a while, the "good" ones left because of something.
At that moment, I felt like I was facing a powerful enemy. My whole body was shaking and sweating profusely. They were like demons taking my life at any time. I was like a lamb waiting to be slaughtered. Every minute and second was torture. I felt I was about to have a breakdown. I struggled to control my emotions, clutching the printed materials tightly, sweating like rain. Once again, I felt strongly that living was too difficult and it would be better to die. When I was on the verge of collapse, a colleague suddenly came in, a "good person". I immediately grabbed her, like a life-saving straw. She looked at me in surprise: Oh my God, is it so hot? Your clothes are soaked... I followed her out of the vice principal's office, feeling like I had narrowly escaped death again.
This was the darkest time in my life. I buried everything deep in a dark corner that no one knew about. From time to time, I planted some beautiful flowers and plants around to cover up the traces. Later I found out that my husband secretly led our principal to uncover a dark corner. With the principal's silent tolerance and care, I calmed down day by day and tried to start accepting the sunshine.
