text: Xu Xiaolai Photo: Daju Photography
"Xiaowei, Xiaowei, where is your mother?"
When I was young, I was playing in other families in the village, and they liked to ask me this question very much. After asking, they laughed again.
They knew I didn’t have a mother, they knew that my mother was tricked by my father, so they ran away after giving birth to me.
But they still like to ask this over and over again. Of course, I slowly learned the story of my parents from their mouths.
1
My grandparents died very early, and there was only a mentally ill uncle and an old bachelor's father left at home. In addition, small houses for poor households built by the village subsidies.
That year, my dad went to Dongguan to work. He met my mom who also worked there in a factory. My mother looks average, she is more introverted and silent, and rarely interacts with others.
My dad chose my mom, and he started chasing my mom and tried his best to be kind to my mom. I bought her breakfast, accompanied her for a walk in the evening, and bought some snacks from time to time.
But my dad is born in the 1970s, my mom is born in 1989, and he is more than teenager than my mom. If my mother knew her age, it would be impossible for her to follow him.
But my dad was too eager for his wife at that time, so he came up with a bad idea. He took out my uncle's ID card and said it was his. My uncle was 88 years old, so he was similar to my mother in age.
plus my dad is nice to her again, so she agreed. And I am pregnant with my dad's child, which is me.
Grandparents, whom I had never met so far, were extremely opposed, but my mother's " Love Brain " at that time was in trouble. I feel that I have met a man who is good to me and worth marrying.
So I am determined to marry my dad.
My dad never told my mom about the situation at home, only in a rural area in Hubei.
Now my mom is pregnant, and my dad thought that the cooked ducks could not fly anymore, so he took my mom back to his hometown.
2
After my mother came, she saw the situation at home. She had been so we had not eaten for the whole day. Lying in bed all the time.
She felt like she had fallen into the wolf's nest. The dilapidated and narrow house of poor households, a mentally ill brother, a closed and remote rural area with inconvenient transportation, and a man who is so unfaithful to himself.
And the more she looks at her uncle, the more she becomes suspicious that the person on that ID card is actually the uncle, not my father. My dad said that it was taken when he was very young, so it looked a little different. After
, he secretly found my dad’s real ID card and confirmed his thoughts.
She hated her so much that her heart ached, and she couldn't even cry, but the pain on her face increased dozens of times than when she cried. She smashed everything at home. After smashing
, she went on a hunger strike and said she wanted to starve me to death with her. I had been in her belly for more than seven months and it was difficult to abort, so she felt even more desperate.
Later, my father's relatives, aunts and grandmas who were married to each other, took turns to persuade my mother. My mother ignored them at first, but later she started complaining to them, and she cried as she talked. After
, my mother got better, at least she started to have a good meal, but she was like being angry. She can't do anything, and she can't go out, just lying in bed every day.
The only thing she has a good relationship with our aunt, and sometimes she holds hands and talks. The aunt was widowed very early and was very pitiful. Although their pity is different, they may be people with miserable lives, so they should appreciate each other.
3
Time is fair to anyone, no matter the pain or the happy person, time passes the same.
In the blink of an eye, I was about to be born, and my father sent my mother to the health center in the town for delivery.
Not long after giving birth to me, my mother ran back to Guangxi.
But my dad never gives her money, so what kind of travel expenses did she use?
According to some people's guess, it must be the travel fee given by the aunt. My dad went to question her, but she insisted that my dad bullied her orphan and widowed mother. Later, my dad had no choice.
He hugged me and returned home. For him, I am his only descendant and his hope. It was his biggest gain after he tricked my mother.
But for me, it is a life that is destined to suffer when I am born.
Our family is a low-income household, and my uncle is also a mentally ill patient, and there are hundreds of subsidies every month. So you can still afford a little milk powder, so buy the cheapest milk powder to drink.
Sometimes the milk powder has been gone, and the subsidy for the minimum living allowance households has not yet arrived, so I will drink some rice soup and continue to hold on for a few days. I heard that I refused to drink at first, but then I was so hungry that I could only drink it.
Wait for me to eat porridge for five or six months, and I basically don’t drink milk powder anymore.
Later, in such a harsh environment, I still grew up slowly. But I didn't go to kindergarten because I didn't have money.
At that time, I was playing around in other people's houses, and sometimes there were people who didn't know me. Another person would point at me and say, this is the child whose uncle is a mentally ill and her mother ran away as soon as she gave birth to her.
As he said that, he would deliberately ask me: "Xiaowei, where is your mother?"
I replied, "My mother ran away"!
I envy myself who answered like this, who was heartless and knew nothing.
Because as I grew up, I learned a lot of things and began to have inferiority and a lot of pain.
When I was in the first grade, my mother I had never met appeared in my life again. Not a person, but this name. It is said that my dad didn't know where to find out, but my mom has now found a good job with a monthly salary of 5,000 or 6,000 yuan.
So he wanted to sue my mother and give me child support. After receiving the court notice, my mother took the initiative to call her father and scolded her for being shameless.
My father specifically described me miserably and said that he hoped that my mother would give me some money every month to support me. Even if you give 500 yuan a month, it's only one-twentieth of her salary at most.
That was the first time I had such a close contact with my mother. Although it was just a sound, people were still separated by 108,000 miles. I held my breath and wanted to hear my mother's reaction after she knew what she was about me.
How I hope my mother says: Let my daughter answer the phone, and I will talk to her.
But my mother never mentioned me a word from beginning to end, as if I was just a person in a corner of this world who was completely unrelated to her.
After the phone was hung up, my dad was also cursing. I said my mother was cruel and lived a good life now, but she didn't care about me at all.
I kept working, tidying up the stove, picking up a lot of dirty clothes on the floor into the basin, etc. I tried my best to turn my back to them, just hoping that they would not see my face and see my tears that were about to burst out.
Not long after, my father went out. I stopped the work in my hand, squatted down, hugged the dirty clothes in my hand and cried loudly, and couldn't stop crying.
My stupid uncle came over and walked around in front of me, speaking incoherently.
Later in this lawsuit, my father won, and my mother had to pay several hundred yuan in a fixed monthly support. After all, my mother earns more than 5,000 yuan a month, and my father and uncle are still low-income households.
But after my mother gave it to me for the first month, she didn't give it to me for the next few months, so she also changed her salary card. My dad went to appeal again. During those times, he was busy with this matter.
Then I get along with neighbors and say that my mother is a cruel woman.
At that time, I often hid in the quilt and cried. I didn’t dare to make a sound, but only dared to cry silently.
Sometimes, I look at the children in my neighbor's house and love them as much as my parents. I kept looking at them, and I was both envious and hated.
Why are the same children? I was born in such a family and was destined to have no mother at all, have such a father, and an uncle suffering from mental illness. Other people's children are held in the palm of their hands by their parents and grown up carefree.
I don’t understand why everyone has to give birth, and why those who cannot love their children well have to give birth to them.
A few more years of study, and I dropped out of school. I just hope to grow up quickly and one day I can escape from it all. But maybe I can't escape for the rest of my life. After all, I am the hope of my uncle and dad for the rest of my life, but where is my hope?
