Generally speaking, if the elderly have Alzheimer's disease , it will be endless torture for their family. But the feelings of this son-in-law in this article are different from those of ordinary people.
I?
After getting up every morning, the old mother-in-law would ask: "What should I call you (name)?" Not only did she ask me, but she also asked my wife, which is her second daughter. Sometimes she would ask: "Are you old or me old?" She refers to age. I think she did it to make sure that she didn't make mistakes in the name. Once (and only once) she even asked, "Have I been married?" Her feeling of waking up as if she was a different life once really fascinated me. Could it be that when we start a new day, she actually started a new life?
chat
One day I tried to chat with her and asked without saying a word: "Sometimes when you are alone at home, will you feel scared?" She replied, "I am afraid but not afraid, but no one is talking." I was shocked when I heard this. On weekdays, I am used to seeing her sitting expressionlessly among the noisy children and grandchildren in the house. She rarely speaks, and it seems that she is not hearing us, but she ignores that she actually has the desire to talk to others.
, but she has forgotten what she chatted yesterday, today, let’s talk from the beginning again, never tire of it. In fact, it's not annoying at all.
Her understanding has not been lost. Occasionally showing a clever move will make you realize that the old man in front of you has lived for nearly a century.
Sometimes I even have an imagination, feeling that that state is like getting lost in the wasteland of consciousness.
Sometimes she seemed to be exploring the way, and she was wandering there after three times and four times. Looking at her wandering three times and four times may be a glimpse of the scene in the wasteland? I use this literary language to say something that makes people feel a little irrelevant, but I really cannot describe more accurately some strange feeling of talking to her every day.
In fact, the conversation that reiterated three times and four times is not without progress. Let’s talk about re-checking the qualities every morning. It seems to be a simple repetition, but in fact, there have been subtle changes over the past few months. At first she was very serious and seemed a little nervous every time she asked. Later, a smile began to appear on his face, and the smile was easy to interpret: half was guilty, and half was because he thought this was fun (I want to say it was naughty but I was afraid of being a little too much). Sometimes she would add, "I remembered it in bed just now, but I forgot it when I got up." Once she called me Brother Zhu, and then explained with that smile, "I really can't remember your name, so I might as well call you Brother Zhu." I regard these smiles as rewards because the most important meaning is that there is a communication between us. This is undoubtedly the result of a daily conversation over the past few months.
. Now she often calls us. When we run to her and ask if there is anything, she says it’s okay, then pointing to the sofa beside her and saying, “Sit here for a while.” We know that she just wants to talk to us. In our eyes, this is of course a kind of commendation.
is never tired of it? I said it a bit earlier, but I am not annoyed at all. I'm used to her rhythm, so I'm always waiting in a hurry. Sometimes I can't bear to steal the chore to avoid disturbing her slowly flowing consciousness. What surprised me a little was that when I sat next to her like this, my heart was surprisingly quiet and stable, as if my consciousness had also become slower, and gradually integrated into the same rhythm as her consciousness.
body surface
If you pay attention to it, you will find that the old mother-in-law actually shows some kind of caution at all times and everywhere. For example, when eating, she always approaches the edge of the bowl and eats slowly with the bowl bite, for fear that the rice grains will fall on the table or the ground; when picking up the dishes, she always wants to stop the chopsticks above the bowl, for fear that the soup will sprinkle them all the way... You can think that this is a good habit that has been developed over the years. But when her eyesight is poor and her hands are not good, her performance is obviously a kind of effort. I realized that that kind of effort comes from the self-love of an old man. She doesn't want to be decent in front of us younger generations, and she doesn't want to be annoying.
trust
However, as we spend time together, a kind of trust is gradually accumulated. Her defensive psychology seems to gradually relax, and her attitude towards me is also quietly changing. Once, after my wife helped her take a shower and put on clothes, she suddenly shouted my name in the bedroom. Her wife asked her what she called me through the bathroom door. She replied, "I'll let him take me out." According to my wife, my treatment was upgraded to another level.
At the same time, the dull and stiff expression on the old mother-in-law's face gradually decreased, and she became much more vivid, and she also joked with her daughter from time to time. On the day of the closing of the 18th National Congress, the newly selected Central Committee members were broadcasting on the TV. The mother suddenly said to her daughter: "You will take me to vote tomorrow." The daughter asked: "Who are you going to vote?" "Select you." "What are you going to choose?" "Select me as the chairman." She turned around and said to me with a smile, "I'll joke with her." Then she added: "We are actually all people without names."
participated in
In addition, she became a good manager. "Don't turn on so many lights", "Did you turn off the electric stove?", "You go to bed early too"... It seems to be a bit of a sense of ownership. One day my wife went out for dinner. She was taking a nap and hurriedly got up from the bed in advance, saying that she wanted to cook for me. Another time, I told her a few words about online shopping, but she didn't expect that she would ask about the details later, as if she wanted to buy something online by herself.
These "changes" of the old mother-in-law also bring us a misunderstanding. We always think that we are here to take care of the elderly, so our kung fu is naturally focused on the word "care".
Little do you know that the elderly want to live with their children, and she wants to participate in "family life".
No one takes care of her. She really can't live, but her life cannot be equated with being taken care of.
If you have enough sincerity and patience, she may open her heart to let you see. No request does not mean no intention, and no comments does not mean no opinion. Also, if you take it for granted that she doesn't understand, she can actually understand things; if you take it for granted that she doesn't care about things, she is actually interested in them... On the contrary, she is closed and wandering alone in the wasteland of consciousness, but you may rashly label her "Alzheimer's disease".
external Sun
Her sense of rejection of "outsiders" sometimes surprises me secretly. A while ago, my son came back from the United States for a meeting and went home for a few days. The reaction caused by her was unexpected. Speaking of which, my son lived in the house of "mother-in-law" (who always calls her that) for several years when he was a child, and he has always been close to her. When she first heard that her grandson was coming back, she was also happy for a while and said to herself that she was "healthy sick." But on the day when my son was about to get home, the wife accidentally said that her son had gained weight now and was probably 200 pounds. After hearing this, the old mother-in-law suddenly asked to go back to her bedroom to hide. When the wife asked why, she said, "I'm afraid, he's too big." We laughed for a while and didn't care too much, but when we went out to welcome our son back, she really pulled the nanny and took her back to the bedroom. The son went into the bedroom to say hello to her, but she ignored her, closed her eyes and pretended to be asleep. She actually didn't dare to watch it. After a while, she squinted her eyes and glanced at her son, then slowly opened her eyes. When we took our son back to the living room, we heard her shouting, "I want to see! I want to see!" Then we helped her to the living room and asked her if she was still afraid, but she said she wasn't afraid anymore.
The next day, she looked at her grandson, and her face was full of confusion. Her son was still obedient. Every time she met her, she would shout loudly: "Hello, mother-in-law!" She was obviously a little happy when she heard it. She asked her if she knew her big grandson. She actually replied with a smile: "I know, he called me mother-in-law." However, every time she passed by the door of her son's bedroom, she could not help but look at the giant lying on the bed with a hint of suspicion.By the time she was truly adapting to her son’s living at home, it was time for a week to leave for the next day and her son was about to return to the United States. That night, she lay alone on the bed and shouted: "I have no outsiders! I have no outsiders!"
Discover
However, there are exceptions. At the beginning of this month, a couple came from Beijing. As soon as they entered the door, the lady naturally moved a small stool and sat next to her, and started chatting with her in a whisper. When it was time to say goodbye, the old mother-in-law actually raised her hand and waved her like a little girl. The next day, the couple came with a group of friends from Beijing again. The lady still moved a small stool and sat next to her, asking, "Do you still recognize us?" The answer was: "I know you, but I don't know them." He asked, "There are too many people?" The answer was: "There are too many people and it is lively." After that, she seemed to be listening to us carefully, while constantly asking the ladies beside her what we were talking about. The lady has also been explaining to her patiently. Later, when I heard the lady say that she once wanted to get up to do something, but the old mother-in-law grabbed her and said, "Don't leave, just sit here." I was wondering, what made the old mother-in-law and that lady hit it off at first sight? Just because of the very natural action of carrying a small stool sitting next to her? Just because of the gentle tone of whispering? Or, the old mother-in-law has a mysterious discernment and can tell at a glance that the person who came is not an "outsider"?
family?
The old mother-in-law always asks, "Where am I?" We always answer, "You are at home. This is your home." After hearing this, she always nodded silently, as if she believed it, but often after a moment, the question was raised again. Our answers obviously didn't really solve her problem. We repeatedly and patiently tried to convince her that this was her home, but she changed the problem and asked repeatedly: "Where is my home? Where is my home..." One day she sighed for a long time: "I don't know where is home!"
There were still a few times, she lay alone on the bed, and suddenly she sang loudly: "My home is on the loess high slope!" Just like this sentence that was repeated and repeated. Afterwards, she denied that she could sing the Loess High Slope. It turned out that the song was bursting out when she was in a daze?
The problem of "Where is Home" was not solved. She still has the same old me and will make requests to go home again from time to time. Recently, it has become even worse. Every day after dinner, she asks us to take her home. So, pushing her around the community in a wheelchair was almost a ceremony for her and us. For some reason, many times I pushed my wheelchair like this, and I actually remembered the famous quote from the poet Romantic : "I am always looking for my father's old house on the way home."
