"I'd drink it if I knew it"
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My mother and I are examples.
In order to let me live a good life, my mother took me to marry an old man.
But unexpectedly, the suffering was not over and a new nightmare began.
1
My mother is a mouse crossing the street that everyone shouts and beats.
At that time, I had no father yet, and I depended on each other for life and lived in a smoky tube building.
There are many people in the tube building, there are many rats and cockroaches.
My mother often tells me that you should read more and leave here after you have read enough.
She also asked me what kind of person I want to be in the future.
I was too young at that time and didn't know what she was doing to support me.
didn't know what to say to make her happy.
I just said my truest thoughts -
"I want to be the same as my mother."
That was the first time she hit me. She cried, over and over again, told me:
"Don't be the same as me! Where did you read? How can you be the same as me!"
I don't understand.
I just want to be as gentle and beautiful as my mother.
I will love her as much as she loves me.
But she didn't allow it.
I was sobbing and said I knew, and I would never say such things again in the future.
That group of people broke in at this time.
"It's just this fucking vixen! I took my gold ring!"
The one who spoke was a fat woman in red clothes.
To this day, I still remember the feeling of saliva flying into my eyes.
Mom pulled me behind me: "I didn't take it..."
Her defense was stopped by a loud slap in the face.
Usually I don’t even dare to say loudly, but this time I don’t know where the courage comes from.
ran out from behind my mother and bit the fat woman’s forearm.
slap fell down and made me confused.
She scolded me for the little vixen and said that I was the same as my mother.
Mom pounced on her and wrestled with her.
They searched for boxes and cabinets in my house, tore my homework book and tore the sweater my mother knitted for me.
I told them to get out of here, this is my home.
No one listened to me.
The short man stood outside the door and said timidly, "I am willing to give it to her. Shufen, don't make trouble."
I have seen him. Every time he comes, my mother will give me 50 cents and ask me to go downstairs to play.
He used to always use me, asking me to buy cigarettes, and asked my mother to massage his back.
But what about now? Why is his voice so small now?
so no one listened to him.
My mother was trampled on the soles of her feet, begging and crying.
I suddenly realized that in the eyes of these people, we are no different from cockroaches and mice.
But my mother, what can she do?
She just wants to live, live for me.
But soon, she couldn't survive.
2
That day she wore a beautiful white dress with light steps, shuttled between the kitchen and the living room.
She made a big table of dishes.
There is also a bouquet of fresh jasmine flowers on the table.
Mom was singing,
"What a beautiful jasmine flower, fragrant and beautiful branches, fragrant and white, everyone praised..."
I ate obediently, my mother sat behind me and braided my hair.
"Mom, don't you eat it?"
"You have been sleeping for too long, and my mother is full by herself."
"Eat slowly, no one will snatch it with you."
Mom woven a garland with jasmine flowers: "Let me pick you off and give it to someone else's house, jasmine flowers, jasmine flowers..."
I asked her, "What festival is mom going to celebrate today?"
Otherwise, how could there be so many dishes?
My mother put a garland on me: "My Xiaojie, I'm going to visit the world. You can't eat anything good, right?"
I have a bad feeling.
I said I was full.
Mom brought two bowls of chicken soup from the kitchen, one bowl of her, one bowl of me.
That was my first time, and I didn’t listen to her, and it was also my first time, wasting food.
Mom hit me again, and she made me open my mouth.
I gritted my teeth and said I would not drink anything.
The garland fell on the ground, and my crying was loud.
She suddenly hugged me and tears flowed into my collar.
"Okay, if you don't drink, you won't drink. We don't drink, we don't drink."
We are as humble as grass, but we still live strongly. After
3
Grandma Wang always comes to our house.
"You don't want your husband, but the child wants a father! Do you want her to be stabbed in the backbone for the rest of your life?"
"He is a bit dirty, how many men love to clean up? He is rich, and lives in such a big yard alone."
"He doesn't have a child yet, you give him one, you'll be your own."
After a long time, my mother said, "Let's meet first."
"You are the only one who chooses this!"
Mother took me to see the man, with a dark face, yellow teeth, and a look like a cargo.
I don't like him.
But Grandma Wang told me that after my mother married him, she would never be beaten by others, would not be pulled by others, and would not be scratched by others.
So I nodded and quickly shouted "Dad".
Grandma Wang praised me for being a smart child.
I hate myself so much, why should I trust her? Why do you believe her?
But at that time I wanted my mother to live a good life. I couldn't do it, so I put my hope on others.
Stepfather took us home.
As soon as I entered the village, someone said to my stepfather, "Old Zhang, are you fucking promising? Have you found a woman outside to come back?"
The man saw me hiding behind my mother and said with a yellow teeth: "I also brought a little woman, I'm so fuckingly developed!"
Mother pulled her stepfather's sleeve.
He patted the man on the head: "Your fucking virtue, put your mouth cleanly."
After saying that, he smiled and kissed his mother's face.
Mom covered my eyes and refused to let me see it.
Go home, and there is an old lady in the house.
"Xiaojie, are you happy? We have a new home, and there is a new dad and a new grandma..."
Mom wants me to be happy.
So I pretended to be happy and followed her around.
Stepfather always has to go out, sometimes it takes ten days and half a month to go.
When he was not here, his mother would listen to her grandmother, pour her urinals, do farm work, and wash her feet and clothes.
Mom is so tired that she always forgets to sing for me, so I sing for her to coax her to sleep: "What a beautiful jasmine flower, fragrant and beautiful branches..."
Mom ages quickly, like a withered jasmine flower, with yellow petals and leaves falling off.
But I am growing up quickly.
4
One day, the stepfather came back from the city and his mother was busy in the fields. He pulled me into the house and said he had bought me a gift.
It was a white skirt with bright red buds embroidered on the chest and beautiful lace edges at the end of the skirt.
"Switch it to my dad."
He refused to leave and even took off my clothes.
It hurts so much when he hits someone.
person's fist is so hard?
I begged him not to hit him anymore. I listened to him and changed my clothes.
His hand reached in from under his skirt, staining my lace edge.
I don’t know how long it took, but my mother broke in, screamed, and shook her head on her stepfather with a hoe.
"Marl, don't be excited. Anyway, she will play with others in the future. What's wrong with me playing with me? I worked hard to raise her, and it's amazing to touch her?"
Mom pulled the hoe that fell into his hand and told me to leave quickly.
I don't seem to hear any sound.
"Fuck, I'm telling you well, you don't listen, and I insist on touching my fists, right?"
"You're a fucking bad guy! I brought you back, you should thank me!"
Mom curled up on the ground, protected her head, told me to leave quickly, and leave quickly, don't come back.
I cried and hugged his legs: "Don't hit you anymore, I'll touch you, don't hit my mother... I beg you, don't hit you..."
My voice was hoarse, and I was knocked down by him.
Mom crawled towards me and climbed onto me, and she told me not to be afraid.
But she was bleeding, she shed so much blood, wet her pants and dyed my skirt red.
He finally stopped, muttered his mouth, carried his mother and rushed out.
Mother has a miscarriage.
The first thing she said when she woke up was to ask me if I was okay.
I nodded and she let me lie beside her.
Stepfather and grandma come in.
"Zhang Lao Er, let me tell you, if you still want to live with me, don't touch my daughter, otherwise we will die together, and you can ask someone else to give birth to a baby for you."
Grandma grinned and said yes quickly.
5
Stepfather brought back a group of children. The youngest one is still in her arms, the oldest one is eight or nine years old.
They all keep in the pigpen and I will deliver them food.
I dare not talk to them.
When they first came, the mother pulled her stepfather into the house and begged him to let the children go.
Beats and scoldings quickly spread.
"Did you let these children go? Who the hell is supporting you? Who is supporting you two blood-sucking wives?"
"What you do will be punished by God!"
"Divine punishment? I will kill you first!"
I slapped the door, and no one opened it for me.
Grandma put her hands on her waist: "If a woman is disobedient, she should be beaten! Beat harder! This woman is strong-willed!"
Mom was beaten hard again, her teeth were knocked down and her eyes were swollen.
She told me not to cry, she told me to be good, she would take me away.
The children in the pigpen were sent away one after another, some went to the lame Lao Pu’s house, some were sent to the neighboring village, and some went to another mountain. They are all young and become mature as they raise them. There is only the last one in
. The largest one.
He looks good, better than the children in the village. He had some flesh on his face, his eyes were big, and there was light inside.
is not like me, dry, thin and black, like smoked bacon.
I was afraid that he would be bored, so I caught a few crickets for him.
But he grabbed my hand: "Can you let me go?"
I looked around, my stepfather went to Longzi's house to drink, and my grandmother was gossiping at the entrance of the village, and no one knew that I was here.
"I can't run out."
Here is a valley, surrounded by mountains on all sides, and I can't get out.
There was tears in his eyes, but he was stubbornly not crying.
I comforted him clumsily: "You are a boy, and the place is very good."
Boys are brought to pass on the family line and will not be beaten to death.
He shook his head, tears also fell, and two traces were drawn on his face, revealing the white and tender skin under the mud.
"He will break my legs and ask me to ask for money."
"No!"
"I heard them say that it's too big to keep it, and the buyer will come in a few days."
It seems that he has felt the pain of the broken bone, and his legs shrink inside.
"You let me go, don't your father hit your mother often? After I run out, I will definitely tell the police about this and they will come to save you."
will really come to save me?
Last time my mother called the police by borrowing someone else’s cell phone. The police came and my mother begged them to save us, but the stepfather took out the marriage certificate and said it was a family matter, so they ignored it.
I accidentally broke one of the cricket's legs: "Will you really save us?"
"Yes! He is doing bad things, he is trafficking children!"
He is obviously younger than me, but he seems to know more than me.
"Can my mother and I live a good life?"
"Yes, as long as you let me out, my parents will give you a lot of money, enough for your life."
I was moved.
He said that his name is He Dai, he was only nine years old and he was already in junior high school.
He also said that when I go out from here, I can continue to study.
He praised me for being smart and told me about the situation in the city.
These are worlds I have never seen before, and I yearn for it very much.
The sound of footsteps came outside the yard, grandma is back. I quickly left the pigpen.
But I didn't tell my mother about this.
Mom fell into a ravine some time ago. Her leg injury has not healed yet, so she can't run.
If you stay, if your stepfather knows that He Dai was let go, he will beat us to death.
6
But a few days later, my mother suddenly asked me to let him go.
Stepfather went to the neighboring village to have a wedding banquet, and only grandma slept at home.
I know that He Dai told my mother everything he said to me.
"No!"
"Xiaojie, you take him to the stream, it is the stream where my mother often takes you to wash clothes, do you know?"
I shook my head wildly: "I don't want it!"
"Be good, mom will accompany you, mom will get some dry food first, and I will meet you at that time."
I still don't believe it.
Mom patiently coaxed me: "If mom doesn't arrive, you won't leave. Are you relieved?"
I nodded.
My mother asked me to apply feces to He Dai. When I asked everyone, I said that it was a dog that fell into the pigpen.
Goudan is a child in the village and is about the same height as him.
I did what my mother said, and saw her by the stream, and she still had a small bag on her hand.
The three of us ran into the mountains.
Mother urged us: "Hurry up, it will be dark later."
As she ran, her body tilted and she knelt on the stone.
She couldn't move and asked him to take me to continue running.
"Xiaojie, remember, He Dai will be your younger brother in the future."
"You will have a better life, and his parents are your parents.Right He Dai? ”
Mom looked at him, her eyes were a yearning I had never seen before.
-This article comes from Zhihu "I'll drink it if I knew it"
