Text: Xiao Heng
Pictures: From the Internet
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"I saw your dad," my grandma said to my aunt thoughtfully, "He is wearing a straw hat, and his appearance in the water is getting clearer and clearer." Then, She sighed, tears flashing in her eye.
Grandma has only one eye.
I heard from my aunt that when my grandma was a child, she was infected with "smallpox" (a very serious infectious disease). She had a high fever for several days. After the high fever subsided, her family found that she could not open her left eye. Slowly, the eyeball began to shrink, and finally the left eye was completely blind. Grandma basically relies on her right eye to perceive things around her.
In the eyes of many people, one-eyed people are ugly, but I never thought there was anything wrong with her face. In fact, I always thought she was a particularly good-looking old man, always so kind and warm.
My parents work in other places, and I have lived with my grandma in the countryside since I was a child. I have never cared about whether her eyes are disabled or not. I think my grandma should be like that - I can always see full of love in that eye. When she talks to me, the corners of her mouth are slightly raised. , there is always happiness and joy in his tone.
I have never met my grandpa who passed away, but my grandma always mentioned him and told some stories about his life, so he is no stranger to me.
My aunt once mentioned that every year after my grandfather passed away, my grandma would go to the mountains to worship a lake called "大yehai". People there say that the "Daye Sea" located on the top of the mountain is very magical and responds to the requests of worshipers. Grandma missed her grandpa, so she went to the mountain to "meet" him.
When I was young, I once curiously asked my aunt: "Can I really see my deceased grandpa?" The aunt's expression was a bit mysterious. She lowered her voice and said: "Of course I can see it. Your grandma threw it into the center of the 'Grandpa Sea'." After a while, your grandfather came out wearing a straw hat. "
I was very excited and couldn't wait to ask: "Then. What did grandpa say?" My aunt glared at me and said, "Of course I can't speak! I can only watch." I approached her again and asked, "What are you doing, grandpa?" ?”
The aunt was a little impatient, and said: "You kid, why do you talk so much? Then you can't see clearly in the end." I was dubious about what the aunt said, and pestered her to ask more, but the aunt refused to do anything. Go on.
I have always wondered, how can it reappear when a person dies like a candle extinguished? Now that I think about it, it must be an illusion that occurred in my heart because my grandma missed my grandpa so much. I always believe that true love will not disappear just because one party leaves. It is like strong wine, the longer it lasts, the more people will remember it.
二
Grandma was born in the old society and had a rough childhood. First she became blind in her left eye, and a year later, her mother passed away.
Later, her father married her stepmother and returned home, and her grandmother became a thorn in her stepmother's flesh. In order to get rid of this "thorn", the stepmother often found some excuses to abuse the grandma who was only seven or eight years old.
When grandma's father was at home, her stepmother restrained her beatings. Once her father was not at home, her stepmother's insults and beatings were outrageous. Grandma lived in fear every day, walking on thin ice. Grandma did not dare to tell her father this, because once her stepmother found out that grandma had "complained", she would be tortured even worse by her stepmother next time.
Once, her father went out early, and her grandma went to the kitchen to cook. Because it had just rained that day, the firewood for cooking was damp. Grandma failed to light the firewood. The stepmother rushed over angrily, holding up the firewood and shivering with anger. Grandma, like an eagle catching a chick.
Then, the stepmother picked up the shovel used for cooking beside the pot, hit it on grandma's head, once, twice...blood flowed down grandma's forehead like a spring.
Grandma was so frightened that her survival instinct made her try her best to break away from her stepmother's hand. She fled to a neighbor's house for help, and finally escaped the disaster.
Anyone who commits unjust acts will be punished by death. The stepmother's cruelty aroused public outrage. Grandma's father and the villagers were all filled with righteous indignation, and they drove the stepmother out of the house.
From then on, grandma lived a peaceful life.
My grandma once told my aunt about these past events. My aunt burst into tears after listening to them, and my grandma also burst into tears when she told them. But my grandma, who has always talked to me about everything, never told me about her sufferings. Maybe it was because I was young, or maybe she didn’t want to let me see the ugliness and evil of human nature and the suffering of the world prematurely. And cruelty. All she is willing to give me is warmth, laughter and hope.
Therefore, in my impression, my grandma always had a hearty smile on her face. She tried her best to live a life of hardship and suffering, which made me feel that she had never been harshly treated or unfair in life.
All kinds of experiences made my grandma sensible very early. At a young age, she took on adult responsibilities, such as washing and cooking, raising chickens and pigs, farming and weeding... even those spinning linen and weaving, tailoring and embroidery Even the delicate work is not a problem for her.
Grandma's ability made her a famous "smart girl" in the village. But there was one thing that made her neighbors feel sorry for her, and that was her face with only one eye.
When she reached the age of marriage, all the girls around her were getting married, but her daughter's marriage was far away, and her father was very worried.
Fate is so wonderful sometimes. When the family was worried about my grandma's marriage, one man came to propose marriage. This man was my grandpa.
三
Grandpa has thick eyebrows, big eyes, and is honest and steady. Grandma’s father is very satisfied with the young man in front of him. What makes him even more satisfied is what grandpa said to him: " I admire your daughter's diligence and intelligence. If I marry her, I will definitely treat her well."
The marriage was settled quickly. According to custom, grandpa used a donkey to marry grandma back. When they got married, there was no decent furniture in the house, which made my grandfather feel guilty. He muttered to his grandma: "When I save money in the future, I will buy you a good set of furniture."
In the 1950s, it was a good life for people to have enough to eat. As for buying furniture, it was really A luxurious thing. When grandpa said this, grandma just smiled and didn't take it seriously.
There was a carpenter on the mountain in the neighboring county. The wardrobes he made were beautiful and cheap. My grandfather secretly found someone to sell the old scalper that the family had raised for a long time, and went up the mountain with the money.
He wanted to ask a carpenter to build a latest wardrobe for his grandma.
Grandpa was very happy when the wardrobe was ready, but looking at the beautiful wardrobe, he began to worry again: How could such a heavy thing be transported down the mountain?
The mountain roads at that time were basically very narrow dirt roads. To transport things down, you had to find someone to carry them on your shoulders or use mules to carry them. When my grandpa inquired about it, he found that both methods were quite expensive. In order to save money and rely on his youth and strength, my grandfather gritted his teeth and decided to pick out these dozens of kilograms of wardrobe by himself.
There was still thick snow on the mountains in winter. My grandpa, who had been walking for a long time while carrying the wardrobe, was already sweating profusely and panting due to the heat. He sat down to take a rest and looked around. It was such a deserted place. Except for a few squawking birds that occasionally flew over on the road, there was not a single person in sight. He was tired and hungry. Looking at the clean snow next to him, he couldn't help but grab a handful and ate it hungrily.
This handful of snow quenched my grandfather’s hunger and thirst, but it also posed hidden dangers to my health. The snow water was too cold and seriously irritated my grandpa's trachea and lungs. Not long after he returned, my grandpa started coughing and couldn't stop it for several days and nights.
My grandpa was forced into the hospital for examination by his grandma, and the diagnosis was pneumonia.
Grandma held the diagnosis certificate and blamed grandpa with red eyes: "Why can't you distinguish the importance? What is more important, things or life?" But grandpa smiled nonchalantly: "It's okay, it doesn't matter, I The promise I made to you has finally come true. "
My grandfather's pneumonia later developed into emphysema . This disease had almost no cure in rural areas in the 1980s. Many years later, my grandfather finally passed away due to lung disease. My grandmother was only 45 years old at that time.
The love between grandma and grandpa does not have a touching vow of eternal love, nor a moving story. However, they truly care about each other, understand each other throughout the three meals and four seasons, and have a heart-to-heart connection.
Nowadays, my grandma’s house has been renovated from a mud-walled and tiled house to a two-story house with bright and clean windows. A lot of furniture has been added to the house, but the wardrobe that my grandpa picked back is still placed in the most conspicuous position in the bedroom. The paint on the wardrobe was already mottled and the style looked rustic, but my grandma regarded it as a treasure and wiped it clean and spotless every day.
Grandpa’s portrait has always been placed on the table in the main room. Before every meal, grandma would place the bowls and chopsticks for the meal in front of the portrait. Grandma taught me: before eating, we must ask grandpa to eat first so that we can use chopsticks.
When I was a child, I didn’t understand my grandma’s intention of doing this. Later, I finally understood that it was a way for her to miss my grandpa. This approach has not changed for decades.
Some people say that the real death is not the disappearance of life, but being forgotten. My grandpa has never been forgotten by my grandma. He has always been there, just like he has never left her. And this kind of nostalgia is deeply rooted in my young heart, just like my grandfather has never left me.
四
My grandma has three children. My aunt is the eldest, my mother is the second, and my uncle is the youngest and the third.
Among the three children, my uncle and my mother are often busy with work and rarely go home. Only the aunt often comes to visit grandma. Among the three children, the aunt spends the most time with grandma, but she is also the one who makes grandma feel guilty.
Auntie and her generation grew up in the era of eating from a big pot. In rural areas in the 1950s and 1960s, each household had to arrange labor to work in the production team to earn work points. Since the three children are still young, my grandmother and her family of five have to earn their daily meals alone. If a family does not have work points and , the whole family will be hungry.
That year, my aunt was nine years old. One of my mother and my uncle had just learned to walk and the other was babbling. Both parents had to work in the fields, so taking care of the younger siblings naturally became the responsibility of the aunt.
Looking at the children of her own age, all carrying their schoolbags to go to school, my aunt was extremely envious. She also wanted to go, but her grandma had no intention of letting her go to school. My aunt cried and made trouble about this, but it didn't help.
The stubborn aunt was not willing to give in, and her desire for school made her secretly run to school and eavesdrop on the teacher's lectures while taking advantage of her younger brothers and sisters. The aunt didn't dare to let grandma know about this, for fear that grandma would scold her if she found out.
The thin back of my aunt, carrying her younger brother and holding her younger sister, stood outside the classroom and listened intently to the class. This moved the principal of the school. The principal personally went to my home to do some ideological work for my grandma, so that my aunt could go to school. Unexpectedly, my grandma politely refused.
In this way, the younger brothers and sisters were brought to school age by their aunt. By then, the aunt had grown into a slim girl and had no chance to enter school.
Whenever my uncle and my mother didn't do their homework well, my grandma would scold them: "Your sister wanted to study, but I didn't let you study. Now I'm offering you study, but you are so greedy and unsatisfactory!" My mother My uncle and I looked at the aunt with red eyes and went to study obediently.
Later, the factory came to the village to recruit workers. Because my mother and uncle were literate, they were successfully recruited. My uncle joined the county towel factory, and my mother joined the grain and seed factory.
The two of them changed their destiny through knowledge, while my aunt has worked hard in the countryside all her life.
My grandma once said to my mother and uncle: "You must be good to your sister in the future. Your sister has sacrificed a lot for you!"
五
I grew up next to my grandma. She always took me with her wherever she went. People who knew her made fun of me as my grandma’s “broken belt” (dialect: little tail). They asked me: "Your grandma cares about you so much. When you grow up and earn money, will you spend it on her?" My little chest straightened up, and I blurted out: "Of course I'll spend it on you!" Grandma standing nearby heard it. , I was so happy that I couldn’t open my mouth from ear to ear.
This is grandma's love. Although she knows that children's words may not be credible, and although it is still far from the future I promised, she is still sincerely happy because of my words. She believed that one day, her beloved grandson would repay her with true love.
The clothes I wear are all made by my grandma. During the day, my grandma had to work in the fields, so she used her evening time to make clothes for me. There were frequent power outages in the village, so my grandma would use her one eye to cut clothes meticulously under the dim light of a kerosene lamp, and she would be busy late every time.
Grandma’s hands are so skillful that the clothes she makes are very beautiful. She loved to dress me up, and I remember, she made me a dress. In that era, there were very few girls wearing skirts. My grandma said that girls should wear skirts. When they put on skirts, they would look like little fairies.
That skirt is very beautiful, with a light green upper body, a light pink skirt, and two beautiful plush colored balls pinned to the heart. The puff sleeves have embroidery patterns on the edges. I like it very much.
My grandma looked at me happily putting on the skirt and smiled broadly: "My pretty girls (beautiful girls) look better when they put it on than the people in the New Year pictures!"
When I was a child, I was frail and sick and worked in a village clinic. Regular customer. Once, the doctor at the clinic inserted an needle into my sciatic nerve and . Suddenly, my right leg was so painful that I could no longer walk.
My parents rushed back and took me to a large hospital for treatment, but the treatment effect was not good. My grandma looked at me walking with a limp and said distressedly: "If my baby becomes a lame, I will never let go in my life!"
Grandma was not resigned to this, and decided to try it herself. Grandma is a well-known "bone pinching expert" in our villages. People often come to my grandmother to pinch their bones if they twist their feet or arms, and she can often heal them quickly.
This attempt was too difficult for her and me.
Grandma’s hands are very strong. Whenever she touches my leg, I will cry out in pain, so I try my best to resist every time and prevent grandma from touching me. Later, my grandma thought of a way. She put me to sleep first, and then took the opportunity to knead my legs while I was in a daze. But after I woke up from the pain, I was thrashing again, so my grandma would knead my legs once and I would be so tired that I would sweat profusely.
After persisting in these painful days for a period of time, my leg miraculously returned to normal. I could walk without pain or crookedness. Looking at me jumping around, my grandma finally breathed a sigh of relief.
Now that I think about it, it was my grandma’s “cruel heart” that led to my healthy legs now. Therefore, in addition to love, I also have gratitude and admiration for my grandma.
My grandma likes to be the "Yue Lao". People whom my grandma connects and find successful marriages will often give her a pound of sugar or a pair of embroidered pillowcases to express my gratitude.
Once, I watched my grandma tidying up those pillowcases curiously and asked what they were. My grandma didn’t answer me. Instead, she asked half seriously and half jokingly: “When you grow up and find a son-in-law, will you give me some sugar?” Being ignorant, I didn’t know the meaning, so I nodded and agreed: “ Eat! Of course I’ll give it to you!” Grandma laughed after hearing this: “Okay, then I’ll wait to eat your sugar.”
The aunt next to me also burst out laughing. She pinched my nose and said, "Why aren't you ashamed, baby?"
六
As I grew up, I never thought that my grandma would also grow old. .
One day after I started working, I received a call from my mother saying that my grandma suddenly lost sight in her right eye. My mother said softly: "As people get older, parts of the body are prone to problems."
We went to several hospitals, and the doctors concluded that my grandma's eyes were no longer worth treating.
This means that grandma will have to face boundless darkness in the future. Grandma comforted me: "This eye has been with me all my life, so I should take a rest."
After becoming blind, grandma was still so strong-willed and refused to let her uncle and the others take care of her. She fumbled her way around washing her face, combing her hair, and making the bed. She learned to use her feet to measure her surroundings. She knew that to get to the door of the room, she had to walk a few steps along the east wall to get to the door. How many steps do you need to walk outside?
She still talked and laughed with everyone, except for mentioning my aunt.
My aunt is very ill and has to go to the hospital two or three times a year. When I thought of my aunt's condition, my grandma's expression became sad.
I talked to my grandma on the phone, and she blamed herself on me more than once: "Your aunt is too tired to be like this. Your aunt has a hard life. If she had been allowed to go to school, maybe she would not have the results she has today."
Grandma's worries were not groundless. A few years later, my aunt passed away. Grandma was already 80 years old at that time. She no longer had the energy to pay attention to many things. Only her aunt kept talking about her.
We were worried that she would not be able to accept what happened to her aunt. After discussion, we decided to hide it from grandma. As time went by, my grandma never saw my aunt coming, so she became anxious and asked us. We coaxed her with the same words we had agreed on long ago: My aunt went abroad to treat her son.
Grandma was very happy at first, but gradually she became less happy. She had many doubts. I went to see her, and she asked me impatiently and worriedly: "Is your aunt seriously ill? What's wrong with her?" even You didn’t even call me? It’s your cousin who talks to me on the phone every time.”
Looking at this gray-haired old man with an anxious face, I was speechless and tears were already flowing down my face. His eyes welled up wildly.
Grandma wriggled her lips and murmured in a low voice: "My eyes are blind, but my heart is bright."
Grandma got up and walked to the door. I wanted to help her, but she pushed my hand away. I knew, She was angry with me. She groped her way out of the door, and then stopped in front of the big stone pier in front of the door. She groped her way and sat down, facing the direction of my aunt's house, and began to be lost in thought.
That day, she sat there all morning. I know that she was waiting for my aunt, waiting for her worried eldest daughter to suddenly appear in front of her, and then shouted to her with a smile: "Mom!" I think she must be very happy after hearing this, just like when I was a child. She shouted outside the gate: "Grandma, I'm here to see you!" At that time, her face was like a blooming flower.
My grandma’s health was deteriorating. In those last days, she could not remember anything, including me, whom she loved most, and the aunt she cared about the most. The last words my grandma left for us were: "I want to take a nap."
Yes, grandma, who has worked hard all her life, can finally sleep peacefully and without worries. In her sleep, there is no more pain or sorrow.
Looking at my "sleeping" grandma, I burst into tears. I knew that the most precious piece of jewelry in my heart was gone. This time, the person who loved me the most truly left me. How I want to go back to my childhood, back to her side, and listen to her singing those nursery rhymes and telling those stories to me.
Looking up at the blue sky, I seemed to see my grandma, aunt, and grandpa getting together. At that moment, grandma was very happy. She hugged them tightly and never separated them again.
