A few nights ago, I went to a steamed bun restaurant for dinner. There were many people in the store and it was also very noisy. I ordered my meal and found a table to sit down at. At this time, a woman's voice was heard quarreling with her child. At a table near the window, a boy of about ten years old was doing his homework with his head down. A woman, who was wearing store clothes and seemed to be a waiter in the store, was yelling at the child in a loud voice and accusing him. He was slow and stupid, and the argument lasted for four or five minutes, sounding like he was doing math problems. The child didn't speak, didn't look down at her mother, and wrote on the paper. The people eating next to her didn't seem to be surprised and didn't care.
I suddenly felt uncomfortable all over. I felt like I was that boy and I needed to do something. I walked up and quietly said to the waiter's mother, "Don't disturb the child here. There are so many people and the child is so embarrassed." The mother seemed to feel that it was inappropriate for her to noisy the child like this, so she left the boy to serve customers.
I returned to my seat and sat down, observing the boy while eating. From the time I entered the store and saw him until I left after finishing the meal, he was always in this posture, with his head lowered and doing homework. After walking out of the hotel, I was still thinking that just because a boy didn't say anything, it didn't mean he wasn't resisting, and just because he didn't speak didn't mean he didn't have an idea. Maybe such scenes were already commonplace for him, but this kind of education method was definitely counterproductive.
The late John Wanamaker (1838-1922, American businessman, philanthropist) once said: "Thirty years ago I understood that blaming people is unwise, even stupid. I Even if I don’t complain that God does not distribute intelligence evenly, I am already resentful that it takes a lot of effort to control my own shortcomings.”
Criticism and accusation will not help, because it will only put people on the defensive and make them desperate. Defend yourself. Criticism and accusation are dangerous because they can dampen people's precious pride, hurt their self-confidence and self-esteem, and arouse their resentment and anger.
The same is true for children's education. Too many accusations often fail to achieve good results. In the midst of constant criticism and scolding, some children become introverted, while others hide the blame in their hearts and develop feelings of resistance and resentment. Just imagine that it is not easy for the boy to do his homework in a noisy bun shop. His mother is quarreling with him in front of so many people. Doesn’t he have any self-esteem? Will he be resistant and resentful of learning? If such a consequence occurs, it will be a terrible consequence, and it is definitely not what the mother wants.
Facts have proved that children who grow up with encouragement and love have a more positive attitude towards life and are more caring for others.
Therefore, when we want to criticize and blame others, we should think about the following two questions before speaking:
1. Is blaming useful?
2. Is it better to deal with it in other ways, such as changing yourself?
