In my circle of friends, I often see people saying that the conditions in my hometown in Xuzhou are getting better and better. Someone said that almost every family in their village has cars, and many people have bought houses in cities such as Nanjing, Suzhou, Changzhou, Kunshan

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In my circle of friends, I often see people saying that Xuzhou The conditions in my hometown are getting better and better. Someone said that almost every family in their village has cars, and many people have bought houses in cities such as Nanjing, Suzhou , Changzhou , Kunshan and Xuzhou.

Seeing these, I felt very uncomfortable. I felt that my current state was really hard to say. It would embarrass people in my hometown.

I am exactly 50 years old this year and graduated from high school. According to rural sayings, people with this culture are too tender to eat and too old to eat. After graduation, I spent several years in the countryside. Since 1992, I have worked with the villagers everywhere, working as an grinder worker, warehouse manager, cargo collector, delivery driver, etc.

Until the spring of 2002, I opened a small supermarket in the suburbs of Nanjing. In a blink of an eye, I spent 20 years. At the beginning, I opened a small supermarket. When the business was good, if I had been doing all year round, I could still make more than 100,000 yuan a year. It was precisely because of the accumulation at that time that I bought an 89-square-meter house in the suburbs of Nanjing in 2013.

At that time, I was applying for a mortgage for twenty years and borrowed more than 200,000 yuan from outside. I always felt that I was still young and there were still opportunities in the future, but now it seems that my thoughts are so naive.

Nowadays, the monthly mortgage is 2,800 yuan, and it will take 11 years to pay it off.

Although my son graduated from college, he ran around and finally went to the workshop to work as a CNC shear worker. Last year, he talked about a partner. The whole family tried his best and it was only confirmed in May this year. If there are no sudden changes, we should get married this year on National Day.

The epidemic has lasted for several years, coupled with the urging of online shopping, my small supermarket now has a net income of only 5,000 or 6,000 yuan a month. I wake up early and go to bed late every day, and I have been holding on.

My wife is watching surveillance in a supermarket. The income of our two people is only 80,000 or 90,000 a year. Apart from eating and clothing, paying social security, pocket money for the elderly, medical treatment, etc., it is estimated that even 50,000 yuan will be left.

My son received 220,000 yuan in bride price, and most of the money was borrowed for his sister. The house we bought must have been a wedding house for my son, and we have to decorate it again. I don’t know where the money for the decoration is.

I also want to change jobs, but which unit is willing to take in a 50-year-old? Alas, I have lived my life for some reason. I blame myself for being incompetent and can’t sleep when I think too much. My heart feels like a big rock is pressing on me, and I can’t breathe. I feel that it’s so difficult to raise a son now. Only by experiencing it personally can I know why young people today are unwilling to have more children.

Every time I go home to the countryside, I will always be compared among my peers. After comparing, I feel that others are more capable than myself, and I can’t tell my true situation, for fear of others making jokes, and for being embarrassed in front of the villagers!