I have heard people say that raising children should have the mentality of raising plants and wait for the flowers to bloom, but when the surrounding environment constantly hears various sounds, this kind of gentle and peaceful idea seems to be a luxury. , we are wrapped in these sounds and change the speed and direction.
Pixar 's short film "Gone with the Wind" expresses this tangled mentality most vividly. Although it is only a few minutes, it directly touches people's hearts.
The scene at the beginning of the short video takes place in the small garden outside the house. Dad is playing with his son on the lawn, playing high throwing games, teaching the child to walk, and enjoying this intimate parent-child time.
Dad took off the dandelions on the roadside and blew them into the sky. He originally wanted to let the children see the magic of nature, but he made a more unexpected discovery - the children wanted to catch the scattered dandelions, but they floated up.
Seeing the child's special skills, Dad was startled at first, but then the corners of his mouth rose, revealing an appreciative smile.
But that appreciation was interrupted by the sudden appearance of a neighbor.
Dad glanced at the child in the neighbor's arms, and suddenly felt that his son's special skills seemed so out of place, he quickly pulled the child back, and under the surprised eyes of others, he "escaped" with his son in his arms and returned home.
At this time, the child still has an innocent smile on his face, full of curiosity about everything, but the father is no longer amazed and delighted by the child's skills, he becomes very anxious and fearful, the child's Being different gradually became a burden on his heart.
When going out, the father will tie the child's backpack with a rope, and put stones in the backpack to make him look like other children with the help of external force.
When I went out to the children's playground, the child actually took off his schoolbag and reappeared outside the home in a floating way. When my father found out, his eyes were full of horror.
It took a lot of effort for him to catch the child, grab the basketball in his hand, and angrily pull the child by the collar, pulling the child towards the home.
The child, dissatisfied with the rude treatment of him by his father, yelled and tried to resist and break free.
"Why can't you be an ordinary person?"
, Dad's roar in his heart was like a blow to the child.
After he was shocked, he silently fell back to the ground, lowered his head in frustration, put on a hat to hide himself, his face was full of grievance and forbearance, his eyes were tightly closed, and he was at the mercy of his father.
Seeing his son's state, his father felt distressed and guilty.
Finally, Dad realized that the children in his eyes are more important than the children in the eyes of others.
cares too much about the children in the eyes of others, and some standards that are not suitable for their own children will control their own emotions and anger. Compared with the attitude of outsiders, the attitude of parents will hurt the child more.
On the contrary, seeing the child in your own eyes, appreciating their specialness, and accompany him to fight against the pressure, the child always has a tolerance and support to "beside him", which is the light in adversity for the child, with warmth and warmth. Guidance will not be too desperate for the world.
The most difficult love for parents to give to their children is to restrain anxiety in their hearts
One of my friends, since the child went to kindergarten, has enrolled and taught her children for classes, which occupies most of her daily life. .
She enrolled her children in more than ten extra-curricular classes, just because other children have learned them.
She said; "Looking at how other children are better than mine, I can't help but want to enroll my children in classes. Sometimes before going to bed, I also think that I am not from a famous school, and I am not good enough. Maybe The child’s life is also very ordinary, don’t press the child, but the next morning when I saw the message of saving lessons in the group, or the circle of friends who posted the baby, I fell into a fighting state again.”
My friends also love children very much. But she was accustomed to collecting the criteria for the evaluation system from other children, and always regarded the excellence of others as a yardstick to measure her own children, and her focus was trapped elsewhere.
It is too late to see the advantages of one's own children, and they are always chasing the strengths of other children's children. The bright spots of the children are gradually dimmed, and the parents are becoming more and more anxious, and they are increasingly unable to recognize that their children are excellent individuals.
Of course, the anxiety of parents because of love does not only exist in the matter of learning. Some parents are worried about having a daughter like a skin monkey, and some parents are worried that their little boy is always sentimental shed tears.
When a child differs from the image we usually recognize, some parents will also feel at a loss, and they will care whether their child will receive different judgments from others, and link these imagined judgments with their own educational responsibilities , making strict demands on children.
Every child has his own temperament
The famous French thinker Romain Rolland once said:
Everyone has his hidden essence , which is different from any other's essence, it makes people have their own smell. The essence of
here can be understood as personal characteristics, and it can also be understood as human temperament.
And this temperament has been with us since childhood, affecting the way we think and act. Not every child voluntarily makes the same choice in the same event, so children show different results. It is sending a signal to the parents, "This matter does not conform to my temperament". Unfortunately, some signals are overshadowed by the parents' anxiety. Parents who cannot receive the prompt turn to the "back" of the child's temperament to deny it. , forcing children.
When it comes to the temperament of a child, you may still be a little confused. Is it the grace shown in gestures that we usually say?
Quote a sentence, you may have a clearer understanding.
wrote in "Discovering Children's Innate Temperament":
"Children are born with a pattern of response to internal or external stimuli, which we call temperament, which can also be said to be a child's innate character trait. ”
For example, some children are “familiar” when they see anyone, while some children are very slow, or directly show shy, discomfort or resistance, this is because children have this different tendency to avoid .
Another example:
The son went to kindergarten, and he stopped crying for a week, but his colleague’s son was a month old and still dragged the crying child to the door of the kindergarten every day. The colleague was very annoyed, but when he knew This is related to the child's adaptability. He began to understand that it is not that the child is too squeamish, but that some children can quickly adjust their state in the new environment, while others need to adapt slowly and have a longer process.
Some children show different response intensity when facing irritable and exciting things. Some children are very excited. On the contrary, some children are happy or angry, and their expressions do not have much ups and downs, and they seem very Quiet.
Children with different response thresholds will also have different sensitive performances. Children with high thresholds will only be aware of strong external stimuli, while children with low thresholds will be caused by a little disturbance or change. of discomfort.
can be seen, but it is only to require children to be based on external standards. Sometimes it is really embarrassing for children. Their grievances and desire to be loved are especially hoped by their parents to see.
Instead of blindly looking for goals to set expectations, it is better to follow the temperament to push children. Only if they are willing to move forward, the road ahead will be smooth and can go on forever.
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