The arrival of a child is the beginning of parents’ hope. They hope that their children can become better people than themselves. Many parents are very willing to pay the price on the way to educate their children. However, no matter how much they pay, if the direction is wrong, it will It can only be the opposite effect.
I have read a story before: Wenwen, a female college student, has been living at home for a year. One bedroom is her world. She does not wash, change clothes, go out, or see anyone. She sleeps and plays in the house all day long. Playing games, eats, drinks, and poops in the house. One year after graduating from college, my weight increased by 40 pounds. changed from a young and beautiful girl to an unkempt "aunt" .
Later, with the help of a mediator, Wenwen expressed his feelings because after graduating from college, he was very dissatisfied with the job his parents arranged for him, and he became like this because of conflicts with his parents.
After diagnosis by a psychiatrist, Wenwen needed to take antidepressant medication. However, her mother refused to give her daughter the medication because she felt it was not good for the child. This was the second time that she refused to be treated by a doctor. It was really It feels incredible. We can also see that the mother has reached an abnormal level of control over her daughter. She refuses to listen to professional doctors and stubbornly insists on her own ideas. No wonder she raises her daughter like this.
Parents want their children to be good and use their own life experience to guide their children. This is the right thing to do. However, if you always impose your own wishes on your children, it may cause your children to have a rebellious mentality.
In the once popular drama " Xiao Huanxi " , there are two completely different mothers. One is the mother "Tong Wenjie" played by Hai Qing, and the other is the mother "Song Qian" played by Tao Hong .
Tong Wenjie’s son Fang Yifan is a scumbag who often comes last in the exams. However, under the education of his parents, he has a high emotional intelligence and with the support of his parents, he took the art exam and finally got his dream. of university.
And Song Qian's daughter, Qiao Yingzi is a veritable academic master. Under her mother Song Qian's high-pressure discipline, almost committed suicide due to depression.. When the child's mental health already had problems, fortunately the mother came to her senses and did not push her daughter to a dead end.
Shouldn’t parents discipline their children? Of course it should be, and this is the unshirkable responsibility of parents, but this "control" must also have a certain degree.
When children were young, they could not eat, drink, poop or sleep without their parents, and we had to take care of everything. However, if a child graduates from college, his parents are still reluctant to let him go. If the child does not rebel and run away, he will be treated like a waste by his parents.
Parents educate their children, from the initial handrail stalemate to the time when the children grow up, they should watch their children go away . When a child grows up, the driving force for his progress is not his parents pulling him from the front or pushing him from behind, but comes from his parents' correct education of their children in their early years.
Children who are motivated to grow up and have full stamina, parents give them these three most valuable things in the process of educating their children.
① The unconditional love parents give their children is the driving force for him to move forward.
The more parents control, the less likely the child will dare to move forward because he is afraid of failing and being condemned by his parents. Those children who are good at innovation and brave to try, most of them have parents who love them unconditionally and are not afraid of your failure. No matter what you are, they are my favorite children.
When the child has grown up, we must learn to let go and accept , accept that he must live by himself, accept his mediocrity or failure, give the child unconditional love, allow him to fail in the exam, allow him to make mistakes, have Only with the support of parents can children have the motivation to move forward.
② Parents shape their children’s sense of value, and children are willing to work hard for it.
What is the sense of value? A child's sense of value has two aspects: the sense of self-worth generated in the family, " I am the most important ", and the sense of value generated in collective life " I am Not useful ".
I have worked hard since I was a child, and have continued to grow up, because I have always felt that I am very important. I am the expectation of my parents and a role model for my younger sister. In their minds, I will always be the best and always needed. Very hard.
In society, maybe I am just a very ordinary person doing a very ordinary job, but I am a unique life and play a role that no one can replace.
To cultivate a child's sense of value , parents are the most important people. If you always hit him and criticize him, he will think that he is worthless and will lack a sense of self-worth when he grows up. He will feel that he is in the hearts of his parents and in society. It's not important. Children deny themselves and give up on themselves.
Parents should give their children more encouragement and support, help them understand their own value, appreciate the advantages of others, be confident but not proud, humble but not inferior, and become a generous person.
③Create children's growth mindset so that children will not flinch when encountering difficulties.
What is growth mindset? Let's take an example. A child fails an exam. He feels that he is stupid and doesn't think about how to improve. This is a fixed way of thinking.
Children with a growth mindset first accept that they failed in the exam, then observe and think about what caused this, and finally find the reason and urge themselves to change.
Children with a growth mindset will not give up easily when they encounter difficulties. They can manage themselves. When facing failure, they are not afraid of others’ ridicule. They will only learn lessons and do better in the future.
's strong heart and clear thinking logic allow children to quickly adjust their mentality, constantly surpass themselves, and achieve the goal of continuous advancement.
Interactive topic : Have you given your children the above three most valuable things?
