In the past, I always thought that when I matured, got a family, got a job, had food, and a place to live, those thoughts from my youth would disappear and time would change everything...
What I didn't expect was that I always felt that the more mature I became, the more I thought and understood, or... Naturally, there are things that I never thought of before...
The most important thing is that I slowly learned to be tolerant and hide my heart, and unknowingly understood what restraint was. I didn’t know whether I was hiding my capabilities and biding my time or wasting my life internally!
I now try my best to live in the moment every day and enjoy the moment, no matter whether it is pain or happiness. All my expectations and worries are all unfounded worries, regardless of the big or small...
I can’t decide which day I will live to. All I can do is to do my best in the current things, and I have no other ideas.
When I had thoughts and thoughts in the past, I couldn't help but want to share them. When I really wanted to say them out, it was only a matter of a few words. Sometimes I said hundreds of words, or thousands of words but couldn't explain them clearly. The times were too many, and I felt like I was always causing trouble to others. I felt very uncomfortable and was at a loss for many years. I always felt that I was ruined, but I also felt that there was still hope. The so-called hope was just an illusion.
Now, I don’t want to explain anything too much, and I don’t want to say anything. If I have any thoughts or inner thoughts, I just choose to turn them into words. If I can write it out, write it down. If I can’t write it down, put it aside.
I don’t want to talk about these things in real life. I am always surprised to find that many things keep happening over and over again, which makes me tired.
In the past, I kept explaining and sharing my thoughts because I felt that good things should be shared and I also wanted to be recognized by others. Later, my father passed away and I didn’t seem to be recognized by the people closest to me, at least in my opinion. My father also devoted his whole life to me, but I always feel tragic after being grateful!
Sometimes I feel that my efforts are in vain, recognized or not, it still seems to me to be in vain, empty...
In the past, I often worked hard to study and think, but the efficiency and results were unsatisfactory. Now I always study and think naturally, and I find that it is much better than before.
This feeling makes me feel in a trance.
I have been like a person without roots since I was a child. I have been trying to fly higher. Sometimes when I am tired, I can only rest for a while in the mess.
I always feel that I want to have a home, a home that is similar to my base, but every time I think about the people and things in my hometown village, I want to escape there. I can't love it but can't love it, hate it but can't hate it...
I came to the city with the purpose of escaping from my hometown, but the city is probably not my place to stay. I can only compare the two and choose a place that suits me better.
All I can think of is that the place where I feel at ease is home, and the place where I have my family is home...
After running a takeout business for a year, I slowly discovered that my colleagues who complained more and more were secretly working hard to deliver orders in private. What a mouthful. He can deceive people, his body is the most honest, and he usually sells a lot of orders. It gives people the impression that he is doing it for money rather than his life. All kinds of complaints can easily make some unsteady newbies easily give up. Those who keep silent and run orders will not pay attention to these complaints. From this perspective, I seem to understand why positive energy is needed...
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