brushes a certain Hu, and I found a question and answer from a post. After reading , I felt a sense of anger rushed out of my spiritual cover.
The question was asked by a boy, and the general idea was this:
"I am going to get married at the end of the year when I was in love for two years, but at the engagement party a while ago, I met some of her classmates and friends. When I was chatting, I realized that she had been in love many times before!
always thought that her girlfriend was quite simple, but when I thought of her with so many men If you have fallen in love, you feel very disgusted. Should you still get married? "
Someone said, " don't get married. If you care about this, you can't get married. "
is indeed the case. If your criterion for judging the good or bad relationship comes from her relationship several times before, then this judgment is actually wearing condescending tinted glasses.
Could it be that a girl has been in love many times and isn’t she a good girl?
In love, in addition to "Your mother and I fall into the water, who do you save first", there seems to be another death question, "How many times have you been in love before me?"
says less and seems inexperienced and immature, and when you say too much, you are worried about leaving the impression of being too old-fashioned, especially for girls, it seems that in most cases they will be considered: once you have fallen in love many times, you must be a playboy! Once the "playing cafe" tag is posted, it is as if this girl is very frivolous in love and is not worthy of being cherished. At this time, if you meet a straight man who is not very eyed, you will easily be hurt.
Recently, I have watched an American drama about love, which is very good, called "Love Life".
has 10 episodes in total, and almost every episode will appear with a heroine's new boyfriend, and each episode is only half an hour long, short and concise. clearly depicts how a girl named Darby becomes her current self through the other person in love.
mentioned at the beginning of the first episode that love is actually easy to simplify into data. For example, a person will have an average of 7 loves before meeting true love.
Usually two of them will be stable relationships, while the rest will be short-term relationships, such as a try-to-see relationship or a one-night stand at night.
In these 7 times, people will fall in love twice on average and will be heartbroken twice, but there will be different profound stories behind these numbers.
I have said before "Love is first of all a will, and secondly it is ability."
Will plays a decisive role for people who want to get rid of singleness, but for people like Darby who desire stable love, ability has become a part that cannot be ignored.
But why does the heroine Darby's love always fail again and again?
When Dabi was four years old, her parents divorced, so her childhood was to go back and forth between her parents' new homes, check in on the same day and check out the next day.
She often feels that she is not needed, so she needs love very much and longs for love, but she doesn't know how to love, nor can she tell what love is.
For example, the boyfriend Aji in the first story was met by Darby at a friend's birthday party. The two were in a flash on the first night. The atmosphere was so good that Darby felt that he had found his true destiny.
This feeling lasted until the next day, making her feel like she was floating in the clouds. She began to hold her phone and wait for the other party to contact her.
day by day, and the other party had no news. Dabi tried to work wildly to fill the void, and even once again doubted whether he was not worthy of being loved?
Later, after Aji sent a message, Darby and him naturally started a relationship, impulsive, passionate and sweet, but this relationship lasted for a short period of time.
Because Aji is going to work in other cities, Darbi feels abandoned again.
One year after breaking up, she fell in love with her boss, who was very different in age, and ended up because of the fact that the two people had a lot of differences in their identities, status and interests.
Dabbi's love is bumpy and short. Every time he breaks up, he undoubtedly fires a heavy shot on her chest. The bullets are called "Don't Love".
Later she married a man named Magnus, because he was so understanding during his relationship. Not only did he accept Darby's chaotic family, he also cared about Darby very much.
Magnus also shared his dream with Darby and told her: "This is my dream and our dream."
"From me becoming us", Darby felt needed and found a sense of belonging.
But I didn't expect that this man was a perfect man with a soft meal . After marriage, he messed up his job and stayed at home every day, owing a lot of credit card debts, and could only live with Darby, who was constantly promoted and raised.
also constantly brainwashing Dabi, for example, I love you very much, for example, you want to fulfill our dreams with me, for example, I will definitely find a job...
The gap between the two people is getting bigger and bigger, Dabi is hurt again and again, and finally wakes up and proposes divorce, and is also madly insulted by the other party.
Kodabi has been growing up. Through in-depth conversations with her mother, through every failed relationship, and through consultation by a psychologist, she began to learn to stand outside the line of life, re-recognize herself, and those lovers who had passed by her life one by one.
How to find yourself from an intimate relationship and become yourself, Darby experienced many boyfriends before finally reaping the "true love" she had always dreamed of.
At that time, although Darby was divorced and raised the child alone, she had transformed into a woman who could stand alone, and no longer longed for when love would come, because her heart was already rich enough.
When a person's condition is comfortable enough and no longer tense, he can be prepared for his lover to arrive.
When Darby accidentally met his final life partner, Grant, a line in the narration was very touching:
"Darby didn't know at this time, this is her true destiny, and she will always be with her. Later she realized that this special moment of was exactly the opposite of all her previous expectations . For example, she did not immediately feel refreshed and felt that she was finally repaired by a perfect partner.
was walking beside Grant, she did not feel sparkling, nor did she marching band declare: "That's it." Love is coming. "On the contrary, she felt calm, peaceful, and harmonious. In the end, Darby was no longer curious whether she was worthy of being loved. She just opened herself and opened her life. After all, that was finally no longer owned by her."
So how many times have you ever had a relationship, is it really that important?
On the contrary, I think that the more love you have talked about and the more people you have met, you will understand more and more what you really want, and will also understand the ordinary and uniqueness of love.
Love is not only a grand miracle, but also falls into the daily fireworks.
When love is no longer particularly regarded as a romantic comedy, real love begins.
So the number of times we fall in love cannot judge the good or bad of this person. Only through intimate relationships can we gradually find our true selves.
Loving your partner is like loving yourself. It doesn’t matter how many times you have been in love. What’s important is what you really gain from love.
Leave a message and say, when was the most impressive time for you? What principles have you understood through the other party?
illustrations / Internet
first release / Qu Weiwei
