At the beginning of this year, the Civil Affairs Bureau of Xiangyang City, Hubei Province released a set of data. In 2021, the average age of first marriage for men in Xiangyang City was 35.23 years old and that for women was 33.96 years old. In 2016, the data were 29.41 years old for men and 27.27 years old for women, which was postponed by nearly 5 years. The number of marriage registrations has also dropped from 46,783 pairs in 2016 to more than 28,300 pairs in 2021 year by year.
Xiangyang is located in northwest Hubei Province. The Han River passes through the center of the city and divides the city into two. As an industrial city, after the reform and opening up, Xiangyang gathered a large number of military industry, railway, chemical industry, automobile and other enterprises. People's lives are built around factories. The closed environment has also shaped the next generation's more conservative concept of marriage.
Our reporter went to Xiangyang to chat with several people who were late-married in the traditional sense, and participated in a local blind date. What we are curious about is why it is becoming increasingly difficult for young people to enter into marriage in this third-tier city? What does it mean to be a late-married person?
"Find Love" Awen
Awen's love enlightenment was 25 years old. He once doubted whether he was not interested in girls.
He fell in love with a Japanese translator in the factory. She is also 25 years old, with big eyes, sexy lips and plump figure. In the factory, as soon as the girl's voice appeared, he looked at her. During that time, his dreams were all full of that girl. He began to pursue her, asked her to go to the cafeteria for dinner and go shopping after work. His colleagues made a fuss. They acquiesced, but no one broke the window paper. While riding the bus together, she fell asleep leaning on Awen's shoulder, which was the closest thing they had ever done.
Once a girl said she wanted to go to his house to have a look. He lives at his grandmother's house and thinks the old house is very dilapidated, so he doesn't respond. Soon after, the girl was with another boy.
He has had two more loves. He rarely shows intimacy and refuses girls to go to his private space. After the breakup, he felt that he liked her, but the more he cared about it, the more he acted respectfully and even alienated. A girl asked him to go to a bar. He sat silently aside, wrote down the wine she liked to drink, and when she went back to read the tutorial to learn how to mix bartender, the girl had left Xiangyang and went to work in Guangzhou.
Awen said that he was a little too traditional and was shy by nature, but he also felt that the two people in love should be close. When he was 28 years old, Awen's good friend from junior high school got married, and he also began to consider getting married.
html When he was 334 years old, his colleague introduced him to a girl, who was 9 years younger than him. After that, they ate several times. The girl spoke slowly. He asked the girl, I am older than her, do you mind? She said, don't mind.
He picked her up from get off work every day and bought vegetables in the vegetable market together. He had the idea of getting married for the first time. He finally met a person who was in a co-star and felt in love again. He used to be alone, but this time someone finally said to him, "What do I want to eat?" Although the pasta tasted light that day, I still felt, "Wow, it turns out that this is the feeling of happiness."
He had a meal with the girl's family. He went over empty-handedly, and in a hotel private room, with more than a dozen relatives present. He took turns to toasting, and became a little drunk and forgot to pay. After this meal, the girl told him that his family felt that he was not good at doing things and was so much older than her, and opposed them being together. They broke up for good.
He once decided that it would be a good idea to live alone. He placed an order for a silicone doll and watched TV with the doll in his arms. After a brief sense of freshness, he felt that the doll was too difficult to clean and threw it away. In 2020, his father fell ill and died, and his mother accompanied his father in disguise. They quarreled until they were old. He thought that the essence of intimate relationships is to take responsibility and risks together, support each other and stay with each other until old age, just like his parents.
Awen was born in Xiangyang and his ancestral home is in Jiangsu.In the 1960s, his parents and a large number of people from other provinces and other cities and counties in Hubei came to Xiangyang to support the construction of third-tier cities. Most of them worked in military-industrial enterprises. At the beginning of reform and opening up, Xiangyang once had a very complete industrial factory area, with dormitories, schools and hospitals, which almost meet all the needs of a person from birth to old age. The bathhouse is open in winter and popsicles are produced in summer.
Family resident courtyard is also a society with extremely high concentration of human relationships. Awen said that it seems that he lives in a world of Truman who is always being monitored, and every day is full of family matters. In Xiangyang, there is only a few chats between strange blind dates between men and women, and soon I find that they all know the same person.
Awen has a real estate in the central urban area of Xiangyang. He bought a house in 2008. He finally moved out of the family yard in the third year of his work. At that time, he worked in a car company, with a monthly salary of 1,800 yuan and a monthly mortgage payment of 1,300 yuan. I bought a house by the Han River and have a broad vision. He completely refused to spend money on socializing, stayed at home to play online games and cook, and only went out to entertain on the day of bonuses every month in exchange for an independent space.
I met Awen through a blind date institution in Xiangyang. According to the information, "I am 39 years old, I like animation, have good cooking skills, and I am keen on discovering delicious food in the streets and alleys of Xiangyang." He looks much younger than his actual age, quite tall, wearing a light pink short-sleeved shirt, curly short hair, round face, and a pair of square-framed glasses. His skin is fair and he speaks politely. I wonder why he never had a girlfriend.
Soon, I discovered that there was a natural sense of inferiority in his personality. When chatting, he always worried that the other party would be bored. He asked me carefully, is he very bored?
In life, Awen rarely comes into contact with women. At a blind date institution, he participated in two group activities, but his experience was not very good. A group of people sat together and were compared, evaluated, and selected. He was extremely uncomfortable. "We seem to be no longer humans, but goods, and everyone is a commodity."
He even felt frustrated and it was difficult to get along with the girl. This brought him back to his inferiority complex in his youth. He was raised by his grandmother, his parents were not around, and his family couldn't afford cable TV. Other friends in the yard were watching "Saint Seiya". He had never even heard of it, nor did he follow the trend to chase the young and dandy in Hong Kong movies. Before high school, he was very short and stood in front of the table tennis table, unable to even swing the racket, and could not play the ball even after swinging it. Amid the laughter of his neighbors, he felt that he could not compare to others.
Nowadays, all the partners of the same age are married, and the old people from this unit compound and that unit compound are matched together. Awen became the person who talked too much about "picking" after dinner in the courtyard. They couldn't understand why it was so difficult to introduce him to a partner.
He started blind dates again and had several specific requirements for his partner: he was three or four years younger than him, had a positive facial features, and had a serious job. My aunt introduced a girl working in a public institution in the family yard. They made an appointment to meet at Pizza Hut, and the girl sat down and asked him to comment on how good he was dressed? She wore a wide blue-gray cotton jacket that was long to her knees and looked round. He said it looked quite warm. The girl said that this was bought by her mother. Next, what she talked about most was family affairs.
At the middle of our meal, Awen's aunt called, and the girl in the courtyard was willing to follow him everywhere and asked him what she thought? Awen said that there was less love between men and women between them. As soon as he said his refusal, his aunt interrupted him. In my aunt's opinion, his age has already made many girls stay away from him and there is no room for choice. His brows became more and more tight, and he didn't let go in the end, "If you want to just put a little bit of it, I'll get married long ago." My aunt said that she didn't want to bother him and hung up the phone.
Awen asked me: "Does it take 100% of the time when two people get married and like each other?" His expression was sincere doubt. Awen said that he could not accept the set of marriage rules defined by his parents.
So, what is Awen's ideal partner like? He did not talk about marriage in reality, but mentioned the Red Wolf in the cartoon. He looked forward to a more proactive and powerful girl in love. Deep inside him, there is still a romantic passion for love hidden, and he hopes that someone will activate it. But for so many years, this person has not appeared.
His emotional expectations for marriage are unresolved by others. This seems to be the least important thing in a marriage. Everyone told him that as long as the external conditions are right, the marriage will be halfway. But this is his obsession and the biggest obstacle to getting married. He cannot live his life with a person he doesn't like with a mask of depression.
It is a mysterious thing for two people to take photos together, at least in Xiangyang, he failed to meet them.
Awei, trapped by the house,
Awei is from Huanggang, Hubei Province. He is 36 years old and works in project management at China Construction Group Corporation in Wuhan. Last year, he was transferred to Xiangyang and his position was promoted. He plans to settle in Xiangyang. He wanted to find a marriage partner in Xiangyang. He said that he was busy with work and a macho personality, hoping to find a good wife and mother to take care of his family.
Awei was truly financially independent at the age of 30, and his salary was always managed by his father before. When he was in college, he had a girlfriend. The girl was in a medical school and was petite and cute. After graduating from college, the girl proposed to get married, but his father strongly opposed the marriage, on the grounds that "she can't take care of people and can't bear it." The father’s request for his daughter-in-law was based on his mother’s requirements - washing clothes and cooking at home, being able to communicate with others, and being able to support half of the sky. On winter nights, the family washed their feet together. After washing, the mother wiped her father's feet.
After growing up, Awei felt that these things that seemed natural should not be pressed on his wife. "My mother is very tired, so I don't want my partner to be like that." However, he hoped that his girlfriend would follow him in everything and look up to him. My father still subtly shaped his view on choosing a partner.
The direct reason why Awei cannot find the object is that there is no room. Work also restricted him. He worked on the construction site, surrounded by men, people who did engineering, followed the project and went home at most once or twice a week.
He lives on the construction site almost all year round and his skin is tanned. He has a lot of social engagements. Every time he is at a dinner party, everyone talks about his wife, children, and father-in-law, but he can't interfere at all. When hearing that he is not married, the client will also mutter, "Is this person unpleasant personality? Is there any physical problem? Is his family too poor?"
This is the age to consider getting married. Awei said that when a man has a career, his marriage must be settled, because the mainstream of society is like this. "The way to choose the mainstream is definitely the easiest."
A friend once introduced him to a partner in Wuhan, and he worked in Jiangsu at that time. They were far away and chatted on QQ for four or five months before he went to Wuhan to find her. They went to a shopping mall for dinner. When he talked about his experiences over the years, she listened patiently, which made him feel very comfortable. He only stayed in Wuhan for one night and was about to rush back to the construction site. When he took her home, she took him to a hotel and they were together. After confirming the relationship, he returned to Jiangsu and the girl urged him to buy a house in Wuhan as soon as possible. He did not respond. After a few times, the atmosphere between the two dropped to freezing point. He ultimately did not agree, which meant that he had to give up his current job and start over in Wuhan. "Because I didn't buy a house in Wuhan, I can't reconcile it, so I won't delay each other," said Awei. During that time, his father fell seriously ill and was financially nervous.
In 2021, he registered at a blind date institution and asked that he would not accept ladies of the same age. He believes that girls who are still single after the age of 30 are likely to dislike others when they are young. Even if he knows that his thoughts are wrong, he always speculates in secretly.
When I was on a blind date, the first thing I asked about was the house.Awei still answered frankly, confirm the relationship first, and then buy a house after discussing marriage. This answer almost means it will be rejected. Even though he thought the two got along well, they would leave it alone when they talked about the house. Some girls also said directly that your salary was too low, and he said helplessly, "I am disliked by many people who earn 3,000 a month."
He met a girl who was moved when he first went on a blind date. He ordered a restaurant and ordered dishes. The girl spoke gently, worked in real estate sales, and also had topics to talk about. One day, the girl was walking in the supermarket and saw a man carrying cooked food. She didn't hold it firmly and sprinkled it all over. She quickly handed over the toilet paper. Awei also wrote a limerick for her, "The fairy in Xiangzhong is showing off. Tianrun walked alone on the roadside. When he met a lady with oil on her hands, she gave her toilet paper to relieve her sorrow."
The relationship between the two was progressing smoothly. The girl's parents wanted to see him. When they met, they directly asked him why he hadn't bought a house in Xiangyang yet? Awei said that his work only stabilized last year and his marriage was not yet settled. He would not be in a hurry to buy a house in Xiangyang after making a marriage. After this meeting, the girl became cold and could not be contacted later. He went downstairs to wait for her in the girl's company, and she asked him when he planned to buy a house? Awei said, buy it after getting engaged. The girl was dissatisfied and refused to meet again.
Awei wrote a thick letter listing all his deposits: his former colleague borrowed 120,000 yuan, his relatives owed him more than 400,000 yuan, he had paid for a project before, and was in a lawsuit, and his monthly salary is 15,000 yuan. He didn't want to buy a house for a marriage that was uncertain. In fact, Awei's deposits are indeed a bit unchanged for the time being.
"But it's not difficult for me to buy a house later, right?" Awei said that the letter was handed to the girl, but she still didn't reply in the end.
The doctor who calls himself a "scumbag"
Doctor Lin Rui calls himself a "scumbag" and repeatedly reminds him that his marriage and love story is complicated and may ruin my three views. Later, he searched the Internet for "Smart GQ" magazine and thought it was more in line with his temperament, so he agreed to see me. That week, he worked overtime continuously. After one afternoon, after finishing the hospital affairs, he could finally go home to rest, so we made an appointment to meet at his house.
When I arrived at the entrance of the community, he ran out and went to the store to buy me a bottle of water. Lin Rui is 40 years old and does not look like the "scumbag" and "love veteran" he calls himself. He speaks not loudly, speaks very slowly, and is a little dull. He wore a dark blue sportswear and sat on the sofa, as cramped as a guest.
Lin Rui lives alone. This is an old community, near the hospital, a typical single apartment. For this interview, he hurriedly cleaned the living room. There is a TV, sofa and coffee table in the living room. There is an ashtray on the coffee table and clothes piled up on the sofa. During the conversation between
, I realized that the reason why he called himself a scumbag was more because in his relationship, he seemed to be "distracted". He chose to retreat many times when he was about to enter marriage.
Lin Rui's hometown is in the county town below Xiangyang. At the age of 29, Lin Rui returned to work in Xiangyang because his father suffered from cancer. Every time he went home, his father asked him earnestly when he would see his daughter-in-law? "If you can't live long, where is your daughter-in-law?" is my father's catchphrase. Lin Rui was pursuing an intern nurse in the hospital at that time. She trusted Lin Rui very much. Once, she got the wrong medicine for the patient and called Lin Rui as soon as possible. Lin Rui calmly told her what to do. A few months later, the girl's internship ended and returned to her hometown Xi'an. Lin Rui was taken to Xi'an by her mother and a matchmaker to propose marriage.
The girl's mother asked for a 200,000 yuan bride price, "After the girl married far away, she basically sold it to you. She may never meet you a few times in her life." Lin Rui's mother believed that the family asked for a huge price and used the money from "selling" her daughter to subsidize the brother and sister. The girl's brother and sister are not married. The two sides quarreled and parted.
Lin Rui returned to Xiangyang, and the girl asked him on the phone, why don’t you fight for it? Lin Rui said that if parents don’t deal with each other, there will be too much resistance to the future.
In order to comfort his sick father, Lin Rui registered almost all blind date platforms in Xiangyang. As long as the photos look good, he clicked in and chatted, and saw two a day during vacation. When he met, he realized that the beauty photos were very different from him.
In recent years, Lin Rui has been close to marriage four or five times, but none of them have been formed. One is a nurse who works in another hospital in Xiangyang. He has a gentle temperament. When he gets off night shift, the girl makes dumplings and brings coriander to him. It tastes very special. After being together, Lin Rui was taken care of every matter. When she came home from night shift, she must have had the meal warm. She was worried that he would be cold in winter and turned on the electric stove in advance. She gave silently and never asked Lin Rui to give equal rewards.
She is not a native of Xiangyang and lives in her uncle's house. She expressed to Lin Rui that she was eager to build a family and leave the life of living under someone else's roof. On one side is the father's urge to get married, and on the other side is the girl's desire for marriage. Lin Rui retreated. He knew that the girl said this out of feelings and trust in him, but his feelings for her seemed to have disappeared.
Lin Rui said: "Women cannot be too good to men. It is like a balance. If you are 90% good to a person, but the other party is only 10%, the balance will easily become unbalanced."
One day, the girl saw two movie tickets in his clothes and questioned him, but he did not explain. He actually watched it with his colleagues. They just separated.
He also met a girl who worked as an accountant in a company. They went to drink coffee, and the girl insisted on paying for it. This move moved him and he planned to continue dating. After hearing this, my father nagged to meet the other party’s parents. That day I was having dinner at the girl's house. There was a large table of dishes, which was as grand as the festival. The woman's parents were very satisfied with his work and asked about their marriage arrangements. Lin Rui's father was even more excited and immediately decided to get married. No one asked about his feelings. One day, the girl gave him an orange sent by the company. He was playing games at home. The orange was handed to him. He didn't answer and his eyes didn't look away from the computer screen. After a long silence, he drove the girl away.
I asked Lin Rui why he finally chose to deal with it in four or five relationships? Lin Rui was silent, fiddling with the air conditioner remote control from time to time, turning it on and off. After waiting for a while, he said that he actually knew that his behavior was cold violence and would hurt the other party, but he just couldn't respond to the other party's strong desire to get married. Perhaps it was because, "I don't like her very much."
chatted until the evening, and we went downstairs for a walk. Lin Rui said that he had two moments when he really wanted to get married. Once it was my first love, and the other was a few years ago. One night, he clicked on someone near WeChat and added a girl who opened a clothing store. They made an appointment to drive around Xiangyang. When they bought breakfast in the morning, he bought her a rose from the flower shop. During the days of traveling, the girl gave him a very passionate love experience. After returning from the trip, they confirmed their relationship with their boyfriend and girlfriend. After that, the girl began to ask him for money, buy cosmetics, and return credit cards. The amount was getting bigger and bigger, and he gave a total of 30,000 to 40,000.
But in the end, she abandoned Lin Rui. Lin Rui was unwilling to talk about the details of the breakup. Lin Rui said that he has now become a "scumbag" and has hurt others, and has been hurt by others, and his relationship is messy.
Some time ago, Lin Rui celebrated his 40th birthday. As soon as my father met, he asked him, where is his daughter-in-law and grandson? Lin Rui bought his father a black " Belgian Shepherd " for , which cost 150 yuan. When I was bathing the dog the next day, it faded and turned into a pastoral dog.
Currently, Lin Rui has a girlfriend. Last year, he joined a local master's and doctoral student exchange group, which made him pleasing to his avatar and added a girl, 34 years old, working in a pharmaceutical company. Lin Rui asked her to visit the park. It was a summer evening. She wore a red dress and high heels. They walked around the park for a long time. It was late at night, Lin Rui thought, let's just her.
The wedding date is scheduled in October this year, and he is still not sure whether he can get married as scheduled.
Blind date activities without games
According to the " Xiangyang Daily ", the Civil Affairs Bureau of Xiangyang City, Hubei Province released data. In 2021, the average age of first marriage for men in Xiangyang City was 35.23 years old and that of women 33.96 years old. Compared with the postponed nearly 5 years old in 2016, the number of marriage registrations dropped from 46,783 pairs in 2016 to more than 28,300 pairs.
7, I came to Xiangyang. What I was curious about is that behind the delay in the age of first marriage in statistics, why do people choose to enter marriage late and late in the small town? In Xiangyang, what does it mean to be a late-married person? Through a blind date institution, I met more than a dozen local men and women who were late-married, including Awen, Awei and Lin Rui. As you have read earlier, the obstacles they have to enter marriage are different, but they have one commonality, in one aspect, unwilling to obey the mainstream. A Cai, the person in charge of the blind date hall, showed me some data. This is the most famous blind date restaurant in the area - five branches have been opened in the city. Currently, there are more elderly single men on the platform. Among the more than 10,000 members, nearly 60% are men, more than half are over 30 years old, including about 25% of divorced men, and several men in their 50s who have not been married yet.
Ladies are concentrated around 30 years old, and the most are at the age of 27 or 28 years old. In reality, the woman is more eager for blind dates, and many girls are forced by their parents to sign up. Most people can get married quickly through blind dates. "Social evaluation is much more demanding for older girls."
A Cai said that time is more important than anything else. "At a time, as long as the other party has no major flaws and similar conditions, and is willing to get married, he can get married." This time may be thirty years old, forty years old, and maybe even later. Men choose to compromise and relax their conditions much later than women. Many men have been wandering on various blind date platforms for several years, but they have not met a suitable one. This is also one of the reasons why men in Xiangyang have higher ages of first marriage than women.
A Cai is a man born in the 1970s. He has talked with most male members on the platform. In addition to liking, supporting each other, and satisfying the lives of husband and wife, male members regard marriage as an obligation that must be completed and pass on the family line. What’s important is that only when he gets married can he have a social identity as a husband and father.
That weekend, I participated in a special blind date event for undergraduate, master and doctoral students in the blind date hall. 12 men were between 28 and 36 years old, and almost 9 ladies were born in the 1990s. Women do not need to introduce any information about themselves, while men need to report the "eight conditions": date of birth, education, height, nature of work, house, car, income, and parents' retirement status. This is called "playing cards". Only by playing the most eye-catching "card" in your hand can you attract women.
Men wearing T-shirts , Polo shirts and casual pants stood in a row, tacitly carrying their hands behind their backs and starting to recite their resumes. Once you try to skip one or two of the "eight conditions", the matchmaker will ring an alarm and interrupt it accurately.
"The unit arranges housing." said the man.
"I haven't bought a house yet? Do I have the ability to buy it?" the matchmaker asked.
"I have a car and two houses."
"The house is in your name or your parents?"
"The parents are retired."
"Retired cadres or employees? Are you the only child?"
The event ends, and you can know every man's monthly income after tax, the location of the house, and the assets under your name.
A woman at the scene suggested that she wanted to know what interests and hobbies men have in their daily lives. A Cai said that when you go on dates, then you will talk about poetry, distant places, and hobbies. The most urgent thing now is to ask clearly whose job, income and house are in.
There is no game session in this blind date. In A Cai's view, the game interaction in blind dates may inspire hormones between men and women, but it is not helpful for marriage.He focused more on these topics: "Who will take care of money after marriage?" "What should we deal with conflicts with our parents?" "What should we do about a woman's career?"
blind date hall in Xiangyang
"Marriage to some extent is a transaction between money and sex." A man present was in his 30s, wearing a white casual suit, wearing a gold chain, and a leather bag under his elbow. He believes that marriage cannot transcend class. After the demolition a few years ago, he drove a car worth 500,000 yuan, and his requirements for girls became: she owns a house, and her parents also have to have a house, and they also have to have a deposit, which is enough. He said: "I have a house, a car, a wealthy person, and I am good-looking. Naturally, I also require girls to have a house, a car, and be beautiful. Isn't it reasonable?" Xiao Nuo, a matchmaker with ten years of experience in the blind date hall, said that people who come to the blind date are actually very contradictory. Out of self-protection, they will put material on their mouths, but in fact, they are still looking for a partner with feelings in the end.
Xiaonuo has received a 52-year-old man. He is tall and thin, gentle and humble. He works in a public institution. He is definitely a popular blind date in the local area when he was young. Xiao Nuo felt the problem when communicating with him. He often talked to his mouth but couldn't speak, so he always fell into an awkward silence in chatting. He asked the woman to work within the system, preferably unmarried and receive childbirth.
There are very few ladies who meet this man's conditions. Xiao Nuo communicated with him several times, so he could relax his conditions and have more opportunities. He agreed, but after meeting, he talked about his expectations about his partner, and often mentioned how he dated a 20-year-old blind date, so that he felt that all the women he had contact with could not compare with her.
Most people's standards for their partner will remain at a stage and do not change with age. So they first set a frame for themselves, and then look for feelings in it. The possibility of success is slim.
Women who marry late
To a certain extent, the pressure of men who marry late comes more from their desire for a successful life. With marriage, life is perfect. What about women? A Cai said that women are at two extremes, either easily getting married or very difficult. A small number of women have good conditions and a strong sense of self-awareness. If they don’t meet the right one, they will stay alone. Over time, they will not care so much about getting married.
"In Xiangyang, if you become the latter, the situation will be too difficult," said Li Mo.
Li Mo is a teacher, 34 years old this year. Every year she sets herself the latest marriage time. At the age of 30, she was "tied" by her mother to sign up for a blind date. The photos she had on the platform were chosen by her mother, with plain faces facing the sky, wearing a long skirt, conservative style, gentle and generous. Over the years, she has participated in at least thirty or forty blind dates.
Li Mo connects his anxiety about marriage with many small things in life. Her new home decoration bookcase, the bookcase is delivered to the door, and the delivery master added ten yuan to help carry it to the living room. This reminded her: "Because there is a lack of a partner, you can only spend money to solve it."
Li Mo met a single female teacher in 1986, which became the topic center after dinner: the old leader comforted the young teacher, it doesn't matter, you are not in a hurry, you see that they have not been married for eight years; the female teacher didn't teach well in any class, and the leader would also say, don't be too anxious about marriage. The news was completed. She was too anxious about getting married and didn't give it well.
"No one wants to be the last person around her to hand in the paper." Li Mo said, "My husband is a shield to resist rumors from outside."
Li Mo studied in a university and graduate school away from her hometown, and her wandering situation made it difficult for her to establish a sense of intimacy with the people around her. After graduation, I arrived in Xiangyang, and the drive from my hometown is only more than an hour. In her first year of work, she was completely unanticipated and enjoyed being alone.
Soon, Li Mo and many colleagues of the same age entered the period of anxiety about marriage and love, and urgently went on blind dates. Highly educated ladies in Xiangyang are easily met at group activities, or had dated the same boy at different times.
Li Mo's anxiety comes more from her mother's urging her to get married, rather than finding a partner herself. She feels that women are lonely all their lives. When they get married, they have to take care of their family, do housework, experience childbirth pain, and take care of their children. Many things have to be faced by themselves. The meaning of finding someone to get married may be that when she should enjoy loneliness, she can enjoy loneliness, and when she needs warmth, she can have someone there.
During a blind date, Li Mo said that he might resign in the future. The other party said sarcastically, believe it or not, you have resigned now, and it is impossible to find a partner again, and no one will look for you. She felt despised and was very uncomfortable. After she went back, she deleted the other party. "He was always measuring and calculating the value of girls in the marriage and love market, and even belittled women."
Li Mo said that everyone would cast a wide net and contact several people at the same time. The blind dates maintained a slow contact between them. They were often in the stage of "eating without taste, and giving up a pity". The conditions were appropriate but they did not call. In this process, you will make comparisons and want to find a perfect person, but you won’t even look down on the last one.
Li Mo has his own standards for his future partner. That person may not be romantic, gentle, and do not understand the books, woodcuts and tea art she likes, but he is steady, reliable, and dedicated. Then they can get married.
In May this year, Li Mo met such a person. When they met for the first time, they actually felt like an old husband and wife, giving Li Mo a sense of security. They got married three times. On the day I was about to get the marriage certificate, she sent me a message: "I felt relieved to find him in the end. I had a feeling that the paper was finally handed over, so there would be no one urging you to hand over the paper quickly. And the subsequent matters in the marriage should be left to time."
Walking in Xiangyang
Before leaving Xiangyang, Awen rested and took me to Xiangyang. He drove an orange car, which was very eye-catching in the sun. He joked that the bright orange could ease his gloomy mood.
In the evening, Awen took me to a beef noodle hot pot restaurant hidden in the alley of residential buildings. The inconspicuous front and tables and stools were placed from the store to the side of the road. The thick steaks and beef noodle were stewed in the pot, and the heat came to my face. We walked through many streets in Xiangyang, and every time we went, Awen said that this was his sad place. In Xiangyang for more than ten years, there is a story about Awen's failure in blind dates in every place.
When you first arrived in Xiangyang, you can quickly feel that this city is always intertwined with a sense of excitement and silence. New properties are erected on the edge of the city, with wide roads and pedestrians in the hot summer afternoon. But after passing two intersections, the front may turn into a row of low and long-desolated red brick factory buildings, with the sign of "XX Family Courtyard" hanging outside the residential building. The shops along the street are half open and half closed. Sometimes, on a part of the road, all the shops on the street are closed, and the signs are faded and forgotten between the prosperity and bustle of the city, which is extremely abrupt.
Han River passes through the center of the city. The river road is very long, dividing Xiangyang into Fancheng and Xiangcheng . On the side of Fancheng District, it feels more dry. It turned out that on the side of Hanjiang Road, there were all large and large textile factories, and the rusty doors were covered with empty spaces. We passed by the railway tracks that are now only used for military purposes. The rumbling trains brought in cotton and wool, and then transported cloth, bed sheets, and cotton wool to be sold out.
The temperament of Xiangcheng, separated by a river, is completely different. On the shore in the evening are regular residential buildings, schools, and government office buildings, where key primary and middle schools in Xiangyang once gathered. The streets in the old city are very quiet, with the trees on both sides of the road wide and large canopy, which blocks the heat and makes it feel more comfortable to live in a small town.
In the past, Xiangfan two cities did not intermarry. Awen joked that boys in Xiangcheng are the most popular, and girls are unwilling to marry into Fancheng unless they love each other to death.The young men and women in Xiangcheng are digesting inside the city. If they cannot be digested, they are likely to be alone. Awen pointed to the team dancing square dances in the distance by the river, "It is no exaggeration to say that even the song dancing square dance in Xiangcheng is more fashionable than Fancheng, and always on the front line of popularity."
Xiangyang Fancheng District
90s, Awen's parents were both laid off, and many dual-employed families had no plans to find a way out, do business or go south to work. This had a profound impact on Awen's generation. The huge gap and uncertainty in life have aggravated the traditional marriage and love rules in Xiangyang - a match-up. Awen said, "It sounds very small now, but they think that this is the most stable and smooth road they can seize to fight the uncertainty of life."
Awen's partners in the compound are at two extremes. Some people listen especially to what they say at home. After Awen graduated from university, his family kept suggesting that he came back, thinking that his personality was too honest and would suffer losses outside. He returned to Xiangyang and worked in the workshop of that car company for two years. He was one of the first college students in the factory.
Others, especially don’t listen to their homes, went outside early to explore the world. Around 2010, Xiangyang attracted investment and built industries, and those born in the 1980s who were outside the country returned to Xiangyang. Most of them are in their early thirties and are single, which objectively increases the age of first marriage in Xiangyang.
The evening breeze blows from the Han River, and the riverside is the people walking around. Awen said that he didn't know whether to continue waiting for the arrival of love, or to compromise and enter marriage. Until we parted, we didn't get the answer.
At the request of the interviewee, all the characters in the article are pseudonyms
Thanks to Xiangyang No. 1 matchmaker Marriage and Blind Dating Hall for the help provided by
Interview and article: Xiao Weiwei
Edited by: Li Chun
Illustration: 42degree
Illustration: 42degree
Illustration: 42degree
Vision: aube
Operation Editor: Wenwen
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