Recently, a friend complained to an old artist that his oral skills in the UK have not become stronger. He just learned a habit. Every day, he can't help saying sorry to everyone whenever he goes out every day -
"Do you know? As long as you live in the UK for a year, you can know that a very strange air is spreading in the UK. When you speak, you say sorry to everyone."
html every day, you can't help saying sorry to everyone when you meet them. It's a customary thing to do when you meet them.
The old artist also thinks of Japan. It is no exaggeration to say that the Japanese people spend their day in various apology and being apologized -
As soon as they meet, they can hear them nod and bow and say "sumimasen (sorry)".
imagine a situation with the old artist: If a British man meets a Japanese man, wouldn’t he have to perform apologies with each other every day? I really can't say who can win this apology battle.
Apology is a culture, but where does the habit of apology come from when you open your mouth?
British people say sorry every day and they are itchy.
If you go to the UK, the fastest way to communicate with strangers is not to chat about the weather just by speaking, but to say "I'm sorry about the rain." (I'm sorry about the rain." (I'm sorry for the rain) .
Yes, I feel sorry for the weather as soon as I open my mouth. I can even be very smooth if I am not familiar with the place in the UK.
A recent survey of more than 1,000 British people showed that ordinary people in say "sorry" about 8 times a day on average, and one in eight of them apologize as much as 20 times a day.
The British abuse of sorry has reached a point where they are a bit gentlemanly and morbid. Walking on the road, I was still one meter away from the person I was facing, and I heard him say sorry, don’t make a fuss, that’s just their catchphrase.
Some parts seem very out of place. Even if they are hit by strangers or stepped on their feet, they can still blurt out their sorry; accidentally hits the street light and can't help but say sorry. Is this to yourself?
The origin of the word "sorry" can be traced back to the Old English word "sarig", which means "worry, sad or full of sadness".
Don’t think that this is just a catchphrase used by Western countries to show politeness and gentlemen. According to a survey by Harvard University, the biggest difference between the UK and the United States in saying sorry is that the truth line between right and wrong is different -
Americans think that sorry should be used to really apologize for the wrong behavior. . For the British, sorry is a subconscious conditioned reflex, and it does not necessarily mean that they truly regret it.
Love apology does not mean that they are really regretful, but more out of expressing empathy and is a more negative "negative polite strategy" in interpersonal communication.
In British social communication, we have always advocated keeping distance and leaving private space for others and yourself to prevent mutual invasion. We should try not to attract others to pay attention to you. Apology is just a common way to express respect.
After all, after talking about sorry, they just want to have a graceful sip of tea.
I'm sorry from time to time, but it's not about the other party, but rather about maintaining a kind of rules and distance, and not being in an embarrassing situation.
As for what kind of relationship the two parties are in and whether the other party has actually received your sorry message, it is not that important.
If you want to say that those who can compete with the British and those who are deeply influenced by the British Sorry cultural colonization are Canadians. They really outstripped their superiority in apology.
As early as 5 years ago, the Canadian Bureau of Statistics posted the data on Twitter that "How many times does Canadians need to use on average every day" and the number of 5,000 times is simply incredible .
△Canada even opened a room called "sorry" coffee shop
apologizes the reason for apologizing, even Canadians are scared to themselves: "Apologize for someone who has left a door", "Apologize for not leaving a door for someone", and even "Apologize for someone who has not left a door for himself"....
△When a Canadian hits the table After saying sorry, I couldn't understand whether I apologized to that table or
△When a Canadian could say sorry to the wall that he bumped into, even I could feel the Canadian DNA 2
that flowed in my blood. They have always lacked core identity awareness and their mainstream values are relatively vague, so they have a more humble and peaceful attitude to stand in the world.
Canada not only loves to apologize, but also loves to bring apology into the law, which has become the norm in the "Apology Act".
But this is embarrassing. Once a dispute occurs in reality, the sorry that blurts out may be regarded as a testimony, which is too difficult for Canadians.
△The way Canadians say hello is sorry
Apologizes for a moment when they disagree. The Japanese live really tired
If the British and Canadians compete for each other, I'm sorry, the Japanese kneel down to respect him.
Japanese are famous for "sorry for a disagreement". When they say hello to everyone, they often say "sorry" that we often use, which is the "sorry to disturb you."
Friends who love to watch Japanese dramas and Japanese cartoons must be familiar with this scene: when you are about to enter the room, no matter whether there are people in the room, some even say "disturbing" , and then meet us Chinese and say hello and ask "Eat" It's natural.
Someone once counted the frequency of apology in Chinese and Japanese TV series. It turned out that in the sample of modern dramas, Japanese TV series appeared 12 apology every hour, while our domestic TV series appeared 4 times.
△ Japanese drama " Hanzawa Naoki ", the classic apology ending with a peak of 42% in the end
The Japanese apology method, according to the BBC statistics, there are at least 20 more than 20. Japanese apology can be seen from the level of the body. You can see that even their apology posture can invent exaggerated methods such as sitting down from the earth, burying under the earth, etc.
△ Japanese apology, according to the body, the order of the body,
apology culture is deeply rooted in Japan, which can be said to be very developed. We usually only think of the saying that there is an apology afterwards. But Japanese apology is almost always apologizing.
When he predicts that his behavior will add inconvenient trouble to the other party, he usually apologizes in advance; and there are repeated apology, a matter that has been around for a long time, and he still apologizes to the other party many times when he meets the person involved again;
△2011 "Sauce Rou Restaurant Ebisu Food Poisoning Incident" founder Katsuhiro Kansaka kneels down and apologizes
Japanese people love to hold a press conference on apologizing, and there are so many press conferences for apologizing in the Heisei era. The first person to hold a press conference for apologizing was the late male star Tetsuro Tamha.
At the "Infidelity Press Conference" in 1989 (the first year of Heisei), he, who was 66 years old, had an extramarital affair with a 51-year-old actress and had a 14-year-old illegitimate child, was kicked out by gossip magazine.
He said at the apology press conference, "Really, really, are all true." It has become the "best example" of the apology press conference in the art world.
The most serious thing is to apologize for the subordination or apology for the sake of the subordinates. That is, the boss in the company must apologize for the sake of his subordinates, or resign and publicly apologize;
If a public figure makes a mistake, usually a press conference will be held for apology. At this time, the family may be implicated and all the family members must come out to take responsibility for the responsibility of their subordinates, or apologize publicly in order to forgive.
For example, the veteran Japanese actress Junko Takahata once apologized for her son in public. The son, 22 years old, was arrested on allegations of sexual assault and was later released without charge.
However, before the legal process began, Junzi came forward to tell the public that she must be partially responsible for her son's sexual assault allegations. 's press conference was not surprising in Japan.
Japan's apology complex comes from the "shaming culture". In Benedict's book " Chrysanthemum and Knife ", it talks about the difference between the Western "cultural culture" and the Japanese "sham culture".
is different from the casual apology of the British, "Sumimasen" represents the pressure of external moral constraints in which Japanese people always look carefully at people's faces.
The recently popular Japanese drama " Nai's New Life " has a similar saying, called "reading air". Most Japanese people are always accustomed to paying attention to their surroundings and their eyes, and detecting the tiny details of interpersonal communication. It is difficult to survive in such a collective social environment without apologizing.
△In Japanese air is used to read, not to breathe
Of course, Japanese people still know this kind of turtle hair. As early as 6 years ago, there was a funny movie "The Master of Apology" specializing in apology. It talks about how an apology expert specifically teaches and apologizes.
video uses joking comedy techniques to tease Japanese-style excessive apology, such as the apology posture of "120% of the mistakes, 150% of the power to apologize" and "100-degree bowing plus 20 consecutive seconds of bowing".
exaggeration is a bit exaggerated, but fortunately, the Japanese can laugh at themselves. I know that this life of being enslaved by apology is really cowardly and tiring.
Japanese apology culture actually influences Taiwan, which was once colonized by Japan. Those who have been to Taiwan will basically hear them say "sorry" and hear their ears calluses.
Even before saying "I love you", they have to say "sorry" because they really feel shy about saying this.
plus Confucian moral education focuses on harmony to avoid conflicts. There are also many nannies in Taiwan who are used to apologizing for others, and have been firmly dominated by the four words "sorry". Is the apology blurted out by
really an apology?
Let's make up for it. If a Japanese meets a British man, the former keeps bowing and says he is embarrassed to disturb him, and the latter quickly connects oh sorry. It's because I want to be sorry for your attitude...
is OK. This drama is probably so long that we Chinese cannot watch, right?
△We teach you both domestic movies and domestic dramas, apology is useless, it is better to act
Indeed, in the eyes of many foreigners, compared to Japanese and British people, our Chinese seem to be the nation that does not like to apologize the most. apology means we have no face to us. Usually when we really do something wrong, we will use many reasons to explain our mistakes.
For example, if you are late to work, we will always explain it with many reasons such as weather, traffic jams, accidents, etc., and at most, we will only give you an apology at the end. I am really sorry.
"Sorry" is difficult to say to outsiders, let alone people close to you. Unlike the British, who do not have such interpersonal burdens, the sorry that blurts out does not require context, just like sneezing.
Compared to Japan, our apology burden is not that heavy. The Japanese's starting point and context are more complex. They are more out of their etiquette and appearance in the outside world in the collective society.
We are used to distinguishing the responsibilities of both parties from right or wrong before apologizing. But Japanese people are different. No matter who is responsible for this matter, they apologize even if it is correct, because this is a magic pill to reshape the relationship.
One is to talk about "sorry" anytime, anywhere, and the other is to regard apology as a moral order that must be learned in daily life. Is it really an apology that can be blurted out so easily at ?
A survey conducted by sociologists shows that when you speak "sorry", your request has been half accepted.
Although some requirements are not so reasonable, as long as you say an apology, you will form a way of thinking - "Since the other party apologizes, then forgive him."
People who like to talk about apology, are they responsible for their behavior afterwards? If you think that a low-cost strategy like apologizing can be saved, who will value the responsibility and actions of apology?
Apology A society with a developed culture, in fact, the meaning of apology has long been abused and become light and fluttering. This is just a survival skill in modern society. is just a lubricant for interpersonal communication and can save yourself unnecessary trouble.
For example, if you haven’t seen me for a long time, you will “sorry”, so as to effectively eliminate the embarrassment caused by not being in contact for a long time. Even if I do something wrong, just apologize in a simple way, next time I can still subconsciously apologize for doing something wrong.
"Business Weekly" summarized it very reasonably: "The more you say apologies, the less meaningful your apology will be; the less meaningful your apology, the easier it is to say apologies." If the timing of apologizing is wrong and the method is exaggerated, of course it will be counterproductive.
There is a civil servant in Japan who spent 3.01 million yen (about 150,000 yuan) on private use of public vehicles, traveling with public funds, and eating and drinking with public funds. He cried and apologized on TV not only but did not receive public sympathy, but was even ridiculed by Japanese netizens and was sent to jail.
Japanese who like to apologize, in terms of historical right and wrong, especially the history of World War II invasion, even if the Prime Minister apologized, he still visited the Yasukuni Shrine a year later.
In their hearts, apology and responsibility may be two different things. In fact, they have been using unintentional apology to avoid shirking true moral responsibilities.
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Also 100 years have passed, and the Indians have also made great efforts, but they have never waited for an apology from the dark history of the Amritsar Massacre in the UK.
△British High Commissioner in India Dominic Asquis lays wreaths for the victims /ANI video screenshot
In terms of historical perspective, the apology of Germany and Canadians is more frank. Germany's attitude towards World War II has always been highly appreciated by the world.
△Germany President Frank Walter Steinmeier went to the capital of Poland at the beginning of this month to apologize to the once persecuted Polish people
Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau is highly praised that he will sincerely apologize to the unbearable dark history on behalf of Canada.
For example, as a government, apologizes to the international community many times as a government, apologizes to the indigenous children who have been abused in boarding schools in Newfoundland, and apologizes to the refugees who refuse to accept Jews during World War II...
△Crying Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau
Of course, if political apology becomes popular, it may also become ridiculous. But it is not easy to get such a formal apology.
The real apology is more about the heart, and the starting point is not for excuse yourself, or for really facing your own mistakes.
Of course, putting aside the big news, many unnecessary contradictions in life can be resolved through a true apology, which is also a wisdom worth learning.
Don’t block all the way with a sentence like “If the apology is useful, why do the police do?”. After all, it is also important to learn to apologize and accept an apology.
I'm sorry, I can really bear it in most occasions in the world, but the premise is sincerity.
Reference:
Playing around in Britain: How many times do you have to apologize in your life? BBC
Sorry if you have any disagreement? Take a look at Japan's unique apology culture
"confusion" and apology psychology in Japanese culture Song Qianqian
Pragmatic expression and cultural comparison study of Chinese and Japanese apology words Fang Aiping
[Today's topic welcome to leave a message to discuss]
What do you think of the apology culture in Japan and the United Kingdom?
How high is your apology index in life?
Today's author
Xie Wuji
Edit | Boss Crab
Typeset | Zhou Zhiruo
Cover image | Source from the Internet
Original text first published on the official account "Jiuxing"
under "New Weekly" under "New Weekly"
