Raising children often brings unexpected gains - just like you originally wanted to plant a small sapling with care, but unexpectedly, it grows so well, and may grow into a towering tree in the future. Although I never thought about any reward when planting, I have harvested a lot of joy of growing together with the seedlings along the way, which is the best reward for the gardener.
daughter participated in the Fudan University and Tsinghua University National Outstanding College Student Summer Camp respectively with the qualification of Sun Yat-sen University as the admission students. Through the selection, we will be admitted to , Fudan University School of Management, , International Business Double Degree (DDIM) (at least first-class full scholarship), and , Tsinghua University School of Economics and Management, , Master of Management (MiM) admission.
In 2020, my daughter graduated from Sun Yat-sen University and the best undergraduate graduate of Sun Yat-sen University Lingnan College (Memorial Dr. Lin Zhixuan), and was admitted to Tsinghua University to pursue a master's degree in management.
During his studies at Tsinghua University, he continued to improve himself and served as vice president of the school’s Internet Products Society and annual head of the college student union and other club positions. He actively planned and organized academic exchanges and practical activities, and was awarded the Tsinghua University Comprehensive Excellence Scholarship (Second Class). During his internship in Meituan , ByteDance, Kuaishou, Microsoft and other companies, his excellent independent thinking ability and diligent and dedicated professional attitude were highly recognized by the supervisors.
While my daughter was fortunate to grow into "other people's children", while sending her best wishes, many relatives and friends also sincerely hope that as parents we can share our experiences and learn from them. On this occasion, when my daughter will graduate from Tsinghua , end her student career, and embark on a new stage of life of employment and entrepreneurship, writing this article to review the child’s journey of studying and what we think, do and gain as parents is a kind of nostalgic nostalgic full of ritual. If you can inspire readers, it will be even more good.
1. Love reading - a habit that benefits children throughout their lives
Reading is a lifelong thing - insist on reading, form habits, and while improving one's own cultural literacy, you can feel a different world.
Thanks to the foresight of my wife in early education in the profession of teachers, since her daughter learned to speak, we have guided her to read nursery rhymes, memorize nursery rhymes and ancient poems. Try to use Chinese and English to talk to her about what she comes into contact with in daily life, cultivate her language skills, and even make use of the more than ten minutes of bathing every day. When she was a little older, she began to teach her to read. First use color pictures to recognize single words, and then play the paired literacy game.
My daughter especially likes to listen to stories, so we use adults to tell stories. She pointed at the Chinese characters in the book with her fingers and used multiple senses together. This not only expanded her daughter's vocabulary, but also stimulated her curiosity and observation. Whenever I go out for a trip, my daughter likes to ask this and that, and asks questions when she sees words she doesn’t understand. When my daughter was one and a half years old, she could recite more than 30 ancient poems.
When I was studying in kindergarten, my daughter was able to read general children's books. After going to elementary school, he began to guide him to read publications such as "Readers" (my family must buy in every issue), "Yangcheng Evening News". In my spare time, the family reads their own books and becomes a landscape in my family.
Because of her preference for reading and being good at thinking, her daughter has shown excellent writing skills since she was a child. She has published articles many times in newspapers and magazines such as " Guangdong Second Class ", "Guangzhou Daily", and "Guangzhou Youth Daily" since elementary school.
Daughter's article published in Guangzhou Daily
2017 Before Mother's Day, my daughter wrote "Mother's Day | To My Big Fairy" through her official account. From my wife's "top scorer" in junior high school, her math shortcoming to "very high-looking" all the way to teasing her, and to the end, "I will keep working hard to become a daughter who makes you, dad, and you are all proud", the routine of being both harmonious and misty, which made us laugh with tears.
"To My Big Fairy" screenshot
"To My Big Fairy" screenshot
"To My Big Fairy" screenshot
Nowadays, a family is together, no matter when and where, as long as the old things that daughters recognize wrong words and misunderstand in childhood are mentioned, they are happy moments for the family. My daughter’s childhood fun has become a pleasure for the family.
2. Take excellence as a habit - it is difficult to be with excellent people or not
(I) The harder you work, the better you are, the luckier you are
Habits are thoughts and behaviors developed through actions and actions bit by bit. It is often said: "Sowing behavior is to harvest habits; sowing habits are to harvest personality; sowing personality is to harvest destiny." It can be seen that the driving effect of developing good habits on children's subsequent benign development.
benefited from 's early intellectual development . My daughter has shown intellectual performance that is better than her peers since she was a child - she is knowledgeable, has an active mind, and is good at expressing. We encourage active and spontaneous learning of in-class and extracurricular knowledge, and develop serious and rigorous learning habits, and advocate being the leader of our peers in the comprehensive development of morality, intelligence, physical fitness, aesthetics and labor. In primary and junior high school, we often instill in our daughters the concept of striving to pursue excellence and pursuing a better life experience. At the end of each semester, while affirming the daughter's grades and pointing out the shortcomings in the home-school contact book, we will use "cultivating excellence into a habit" as a message to the child.
Under our guidance, my daughter is the first in the grade almost every semester in primary school, and won the honor of Guangzhou Sanhao Students. She squeezed into the key class of Guangzhou No. 2 Middle School Junior High School with two major awards: First Prize in Guangzhou Primary School English Competition and third Prize in Mathematical Olympiad ( Hualuogeng Gold Cup Award). After attending this class, I learned that the students were basically winners of second prizes and above in the Mathematical Olympiad. If my daughter did not have the first prize in the City English Competition as a bonus point, she would probably not be able to enter the class.
In this key class where there are many experts, my daughter truly understands the true meaning of there being mountains outside the mountain and there are people outside the mountain. For example, in the mathematics exam, the regular score of the great people in the class is 115+ (full score of 120), and it is common to get full scores. My daughter's best score is only 115+, and the gap is obvious. During the exam, my daughter was still thinking about solving the problem through her brain. The great man had already handed in the paper and looked at her and giggled in a silly manner - in fashionable Internet language, it was "not much harm, but very insulting."
Compared with the top students in the class, the daughter is in a relatively weak situation. By lengthening the strengths of Chinese and English subjects, she narrows the shortcomings of mathematics, physics and chemistry, and basically maintains her comprehensive scores within the 10th grade. But the sense of crisis that is like walking on thin ice is like a shadow. When you get good at physics and chemistry, you can enter the top 5; if you have a slight mistake, you will fall out of the top 10.
As a top student in No. 2 Middle School, before entering the middle school entrance examination, my daughter has been pre-admission as a key candidate for the key classes of our school’s high school. In high school, under the influence of outstanding classmates around, my daughter continued to become one of the many shining pearls of No. 2 Middle School. During this period, he was named a student of Guangzhou City and a student of Guangdong Province, and received school-level scholarships many times.
(II) The luckier, the harder it is, the better it is
However, the efforts made by the children during this period are unprecedented. In high school, since the second year of high school, the three points and one lines of classrooms, canteens and dormitories have become the regular campus life trajectory, and it will take about a month to fight back to the home of in Guangzhou .
My daughter shared her experience at the school teacher-student meeting in the second year of high school as the first place in the grade. This is how she described her daily life in school: "Every day I get up at 6:10 in the morning and run in the morning. At the same time, she used her free time to memorize English and Chinese silently; at noon, she stayed in the classroom after the fifth quarter to study until 12:35; lunch, lunch break; in the afternoon, after dinner, study in the study room until 18:50, and then returned to the classroom to study late; after evening study, In the classroom, I studied with my senior high school classmates until 22:20, and then went back to the dormitory to bed. "Many people commented that this seems to be a path of cultivation like an ascetic. Many people will worry that such days are for learning. Is there any meaning? Indeed, when you choose to embark on this path, you have to face the hard work and fatigue caused by hard study... You have to face the loneliness of walking on the campus many times at noon or late at night. "I have always treasured my daughter's handwritten speech manuscript. According to her, when she received the school's request to share her experience, it took only half a day to speak at the meeting. The speech was rushed out in a hurry (there were traces of modification of the smear liquid above), and she said whatever she wanted, which was too real.
part of the daughter's speech
part of the daughter's speech
From time to time I look at my daughter's manuscripts, and as I look at them, my eyes become wet inadvertently. As a way to break out of the "farming family" through hard study, I am well aware of the so-called "excellence" and it is all achieved through hard work and is extremely difficult.
3. Appreciate children - respect individuality and give life guidance within your ability
(I) Respect individuality and appreciate children
"Marry, build a family, and accept every child born Son, they can survive in this turbulent world, and even guide them, believing that this is the limit that a person can reach. "(Franz Kafka) - When talking about the impact of the original family on children, we have to mention the classic "Letter to Father" by the famous Austrian writer Kafka (the full text is about 29,000 words, the longest letter I have ever seen, I cannot read it in a patience). In the letter, Kafka recorded the readers the violent and unreasonable father's personality and the infinite destruction of the child's personality, which made him live in fear and loneliness. As a result, Kafka proposed the idea that accepting children and guiding them is the "limit" of being a parent.
A relationship between father and daughter and mother is a fate itself. Watching her daughter grow from a little man who was born, and now she has developed into an inspirational girl full of poetry and books - she is full of joy along the way.
Educating children starts with respecting their personality and respecting their growth laws. My daughter is reading early because she is aware of literacy and has more "independent" than her peers. Since we went to kindergarten, we have focused on guiding and cultivating children's independent thinking ability and independent decision-making spirit, adhering to "free thinking and independent will", and guiding her to consider ways to solve problems from the perspectives of her own interests and hobbies, selfishness and others. Unless it involves the principle of safety, etc., she will not simply restrict her from "must be like this" or "not doing that". For children's good performance, such as turning off the TV after watching cartoons as agreed, assisting in hygiene, etc., timely affirmation and praise.
Experience in cultivating a daughter
In cultivating children's interests, including extracurricular tutoring, respecting their children's ideas and choices, and allowing her to truly do what she is interested in. From the time my daughter went to kindergarten to the time she graduated from middle school, she participated in only a handful of off-campus training: when she was in kindergarten, she went to Guangzhou Youth Palace to participate in the dance enlightenment training for one academic year; from the second to fifth grade primary school to learn piano for three years, and from the fourth to sixth grade primary school to participate in the Olympic mathematics school training for two years; in the middle school, she only participated in the intensive training for extracurricular physics and chemistry before the middle school entrance examination for 2 months, and did not participate in other off-campus training. Compared with many parents who are worried that their children will lose at the starting line and take their children to participate in various training classes and intensive classes in a market style.
For the projects that my daughter is consciously frivolous, we will respect the children's wishes and choices. For example, after passing the Provincial Music Association piano level 8 exam, my daughter clearly stated that she did not want to study anymore, and she did not want to pass the Level 10 (the highest level) exam. Although my wife and I felt a little regretful of "traveling a hundred miles a day", I remembered that my daughter didn't like the piano and being able to cultivate to amateur level was considered a perfect result, so I still happily accepted my daughter's request.
During the two years my daughter was studying Mathematical Olympiad, because my wife had a "phobia" about mathematics, I accompanied her all the way whether she was tutoring her children at home, going to the tutoring teacher outside the school, or studying at the Municipal Athletic School in the later stage.
At the beginning, I thought that the primary school mathematics mathematics had only deepened some difficulty. Unexpectedly, I, who was a math student for the first time, only scored about 60 points, and gave it to Lei: I don’t have a certain math talent, and my child really can’t learn it well. In order to set an example for my daughter to not be afraid of difficulties and be able to solve problems in a timely manner, I have also learned all the knowledge of Olympiad mathematics learned by my daughter to ensure that I can learn it first.
The old father-in-law came to my house and saw me tutoring my daughter in the study to study Mathematics of Olympiads. He expressed his deep praise. Later, his daughter was admitted to Tsinghua University. The old man also used this as an example, believing that planting the cause of studying hard will inevitably lead to the fruits of learning. It is not to be denied that I was diagnosed as a daughter who had no mathematical talent. With her unyielding efforts, her Olympiad mathematics scores entered the upward path. The college entrance examination mathematics ranked first in the science of the high school with a score of 143. The high school mathematics score was scored in full when he was studying at Lingnan College of Zhongda. This is indeed an unexpected gain.
(II) Teach your child how to fish and give him life guidance within his ability
When my daughter was a child, she was very competitive and played goji chess and poker with her. She lost too much and was unhappy and even got angry. I just told her that my parents have rich experience in playing these games and are good at calculating, and obviously the effect is not strong. Therefore, let her win appropriately, and enhance her confidence; at the same time, explain to her the skills of playing and the chance of winning and losing in the game. The concept of learning from the strong should be established. This method will obviously be more acceptable to the children. Later, my daughter's social circle expanded and she came into contact with more and more excellent children. Naturally, she understood the principles of "learning from the strong", "those who win by themselves are strong", "victory is the result of struggle", and gradually let go of her desire for victory and defeat.
In the process of cultivating children to pursue excellence, while the children are working hard to pursue progress, they are under unprecedented pressure in a team of top-notch children. One thing that I remember deeply is that my daughter failed the math test in the first semester of the second year of junior high school (full score of 120, 101 points). She called me at noon the day she knew the score. After answering the call, she heard only the sad cry of the child, which took about 1 minute.
To be honest, at that moment, there was indeed a heartache like needle-like pain. I suddenly realized that the child’s psychological pressure was overloaded and must take decisive measures to relieve it. Since then, in addition to taking your children out for leisure and vacation on weekends and relaxing, they are more willing to enlighten them to adhere to the concept of "health, happiness, truth and kindness", "just do your best in everything and face imperfect results calmly." This incident has become a turning point in the history of my family's family education. From then on, my wife and I have paid much attention to my daughter's physical and mental health than to her achievements. It’s not that grades are not important, but that grades are not that important compared to physical and mental health. The message has also changed from the original "cultivating excellence into a habit" to pursuing the true nature of life - "health, happiness, truth, and kindness", encouraging children to allow themselves to "lie down" occasionally - rest and recuperate, and learn to accept incomplete results.
After her daughter obtained the "planned admission" for admission to Fudan University and Tsinghua University, she had a special liking for Fudan University, the number one school in Jiangnan. During the college entrance examination, she did not perform well in the comprehensive science subjects, so she was always worried about going to Fudan to study.To this end, I wrote a long article through WeChat to explain the pros and cons. This is the reason recorded in the log at that time:
"The admission to Tsinghua University was a surprise. I didn't expect my daughter to have the opportunity to study for a graduate student in her popular major at the best university in China. But it also caused a temporary confusion in her choice. Fudan University is the university that my daughter likes since high school, and she has planned to admit her and provide at least a first-class full scholarship.
In this regard, my advice to my daughter is: choose Tsinghua. The following is the reason for her advice at that time (original words):
" 1. Station Highlights: Tsinghua is the number one university in China. She is studying in Tsinghua and studying her popular majors. The opportunity is extremely rare. Let’s not talk about how much improvement and development you will improve in your studies and career in the future. Just going to Tsinghua University is enough for you to be proud of for the rest of your life. (Of course, we still aim to seek truth and be pragmatic, learn and save the world) Tsinghua's resources are amazing. They are not only alumni, but also various explicit and implicit special dividends. For example, working in a well-known central enterprises, the Tsinghua graduation certificate can basically be used to knock on the door. You will experience a lot of this kind of bonus in prestigious schools in the future.
2. Reading management is more conducive to forming professional advantages than reading International Business . When I go to college, I think the most important thing is to base myself on career development and form my own professional advantages, so that I can form my own core professional ability advantages after I come out to work. Therefore, try to improve the technical content of your major. No matter which direction of management research you are engaged in, try to learn, understand, study more cases, and apply what you have learned. Of course, at Tsinghua University, you will feel unprecedented environmental pressure. Whether it is alumni, mentor, or classmates, they are all so strong that they may make you humble, but it is this environment that encourages you to grow better. In addition, good habits must be formed as soon as possible, such as changing the night, exercising more to strengthen physical fitness, ensuring a good physical fitness and a peaceful mind, so as to ensure that you can go further and fly higher in the future. (In this regard, although my father has been working hard, he has not done well and has not played a role in teaching by himself, so he dare not educate you how to educate you, but I still hope that you can realize and work hard to do it. In a person's life, physical health is always the first choice!) "
The reason I told me, the child listened to it. He went to Tsinghua University to study, practiced the school motto of "self-improvement, virtue carries things" and integrated it into it.
Personal teaching is better than words and preaching
My wife and I often tell my daughter from the bottom of our hearts: It is also the first time that our parents have become parents. They have no experience and only know how to treat you with their hearts. There must be many things that have not been done well, please understand. Your growth has far exceeded our expectations. It is like we originally just wanted to plant a sapling well with our hearts. What we did not expect was that it actually grew so well and might grow into a towering tree in the future. Although I never thought about any reward when planting, I have harvested a lot of joy in growing together with the saplings along the way, which is the best reward for the gardener.
