The reader wrote to me and said:
Like many married women in China, I am in charge of the financial power of the family after getting married. As long as my husband returns late or gets drunk, I will nag him. Every time at this time, the husband will be like many Chinese married men, either smiling or silent.
All along, I only know that I have to take care of my children and do housework after work. I work very hard, so I often sarcasticize my husband when I am tired, but in fact I want to vent my rudely, hoping that my husband can be kind to me, and even feel that my husband is a little lazy. At present, my husband and I have been married for seven years and my son has also been to kindergarten.
One day, my husband came home with alcohol again. At that time, because my son was disobedient, I had just gotten angry with my son. After my husband came back, he greeted me. I was still angry and scolded me. That was the first time my husband quarreled with me. Later, I ran back to my parents' home. He had a cold war with his husband for almost a week, but was finally dragged home by him. On the night I got home, my husband personally cooked my favorite meal for me, and during this period, we also drank a few glasses of wine. Then, the husband began to speak.
Wife, I have been married to you for the years, and I really feel that you have been worried about this family, but I am becoming less and less confident in front of you. Do you know? I actually don’t want to drink with my friends after get off work. I feel that going home with you and your children is a very happy thing, but I can’t help myself because my friends call to drink, so I can refuse once or twice. If I refuse too many times, my friends will stay away from me. I can’t let my friends pay for it every time I eat, so I have to ask for it back. This is Chinese social interaction. In recent years, in order to improve my career, I often pretend to be a grandson in the face of some power, even if I encounter a bottleneck in my career. I don’t want to tell you after I get home, for fear that you will worry. Every time you deny me, I am actually very annoyed, always feeling that you don’t understand me, and even thought about divorce, but I know that it’s not easy for you, so I can tolerate it if I can. My idea is actually very simple. With my efforts, I will give you and your children a better life. For you and your children, no matter how hard or tired I am, I think it’s worth it, but can’t you praise me, because over the years, all I have gained from you is denial.
Maybe I don’t understand men too much, my husband’s words made me feel mixed. I also want to manage my marriage well. I want to ask, what kind of species are men?
Muzili Emotional analysis:
Let me briefly talk about the inner truth of a man: when a man returns home, he usually reports good news but not bad news; men will feel that he is the pillar of the family, especially at the level of making money, which is definitely more stressful than women; no man is willing to pretend to be a grandson in front of others, but when faced with some workplace social interactions, men have to pretend to be a grandson; men may do less housework, but they have more ideas about their careers, and men may even feel particularly uneasy because they cannot make money, always feel ashamed of their wives and children and feel that they are cowardly; men feel comfortable except drinking with few close friends, and drinking with people who have intersections in interests is purely a formality; men hope that their wives can understand themselves more. Men do not care about their homework, but feel that it is difficult to expand their career without social engagements.
Many men will work hard to achieve their careers after getting married, and may neglect their family care. In fact, men are also very guilty at some point, but they are in the world and have no choice. I believe that your husband said this to you because your rant at him has reached the point where he can't bear it anymore and his vent. He didn't mean to blame you, he just wanted to say some truth to whitewash your misunderstanding of him. At the same time, I also want to tell you and many married women that when quarrel with their husbands, please do not use words such as cowardly, cowardly, irresponsible, useless, etc., but give men care after they get home and give men affirmation when they make some achievements in their careers.
Although 95% of men are eager for career success, 80% of men can only be more ordinary people in the end.For this reason, we will find a phenomenon that most men are increasingly reluctant to speak more after they are 40 years old. Their attitude towards life: 1) Because they have not achieved success in their careers, they feel that they have no capital to clamor in front of their wives, so they let their wives get angry at them. As long as their wives don’t divorce them, they are already grateful; 2) There are more and more men who like fishing, and perhaps in that more static state, they will feel particularly comfortable; 4) Even if men get off work and don’t have social engagements, they are unwilling to go home on time, and they are more willing to be quiet in the car for a while.
In many marriage relationships, men exist in the attitude of strict control of their wives. It is obvious that they are not afraid of their wives, but are used to being nagged by their wives and unwilling to quarrel with their wives. The key is that they cannot argue with them. In many marriage relationships, men will become less and less confident. Men's lack of confidence mainly comes from two factors. Wifes fail to give themselves the affirmation they should have in life, which leads to men's inferiority caused by long-term suppression, or because their career is mediocre, after comparing with people around them, they feel that they are very failures in life. In fact, many women have no idea of divorceing their husbands at all. Since that is the case, why can't they accumulate some eloquence for themselves in front of men?
Many times, we often hear things in life: Who makes you a man? Men should do whatever they want. In fact, many men have tried their best to make themselves stronger, but the strength of many people is closely related to factors such as family background, opportunities, abilities, and personality. In fact, if a man can earn a median and and can take care of his family, don’t have too high demands on men. Only when the couple lacks the strength of women and the care of men for their family can their marriage be more peaceful. In addition, the reason why many men become bad after they have money is not only because they have the capital to be carefree outside of marriage, but also because when they have no money, they have accumulated too much frustration in their marriage relationship.
People live their whole lives, it is very important to be in a good mood. You might as well take a look at the men who have "tigress" at home. How many of them will eventually achieve success in their careers? To this end, if you want men to focus more on their careers, you need to create a good family atmosphere for men. The most common phenomenon: When many women choose their marriage partners, they clearly find someone who is of equal status with them and walk into the siege. However, after they get married, they hope that men can become "rich people", but they forget one more realistic thing. If a man is already a rich person when he is not married, do you think men will fall in love with you? For this reason, if a man can keep making more money than you after marriage, you should be content, instead of despising your husband who is paid tens of thousands of yuan a month while being incompetent.
Editor:
Being rich is the greatest confidence of a man. The key is whether every man can become a rich man. For this reason, men need to accept their own mediocrity, and women also need to accept the mediocrity of your lover. If a person cannot live noblely in his life, then choose to be poor and happy. Everyone needs to understand that everyone's energy is limited. Don't expect a man who makes a lot of money to Gu's family, and don't expect a man who makes a lot of money to Gu's family.
Can a man make a lot of money? Another thing is that at least you should not be lazy in life. After all, people need face and dignity in their entire lives. Although more often, we will remind everyone not to look at people with tinted glasses in life, the reality of life is that everyone will involuntarily become people who look at people with tinted glasses. Although the words are a bit ugly, this is the cruel truth.
(The picture is from the Internet, the picture is irrelevant)
