01 The misaligned lives of Eun-hee and Xin-ae determine their different personalities. Many years ago, I watched the tear-jerking Korean drama "Blue Life and Death" starring Song Hye-kyo. The heroine Eun-hee was originally a child from a poor family, but she accidentally fell in

01 Eun Hee and Xin Ai's misaligned lives have determined their different personalities

Many years ago, I watched the tear-jerking Korean drama "Blue Life and Death" starring Song Hye Kyo .

The heroine Eun Xi was originally a baby from a poor family, but accidentally fell in love with a child born from a rich family. The two little girls born on the same day began completely opposite life trajectories.

Eunxi grew up in a wealthy family with doting parents and older brother. Her childhood was smooth sailing.

And Xin Ai is struggling to make a living in a poor environment. Her single mother has limited abilities, and her brother is still a gangster, and he has suffered all the hardships of life since he was a child.

It wasn’t until 14 years later that another unexpected traffic accident revealed the truth about the two children being transferred to the obstetrics and gynecology department.

After that, the two almost-adult children returned to their respective families of origin, each looking for its own mother. The experiences of these two people since then are thought-provoking.

When Enxi grew up, even in a harsh environment, she was still the princess who was strong and selfless, emotionally stable, and neither humble nor overbearing.

Xin Ai returned to a wealthy family and received an excellent university education. As an adult, she is still selfish, paranoid, and indifferent in dealing with problems, much like her adoptive mother Cui Ma when she was a child.

When I watched this TV series before, I was thinking, what exactly determines the different personalities of the two girls? Is it genes or nature? ?

Obviously, genes can determine a person's intelligence level. Just like Xin Ai, despite such a difficult and difficult family environment, she can still maintain her top grades. However, the formation of personality depends largely on acquired family education.

Cui's mother has poor financial resources. She raises two children by herself. When things go wrong, she always beats and scolds the children. Even the best children will have psychological shadows following her. Growing up in an environment that was extremely insecure, it is not surprising that Xin Ai would develop a cold and powerful character.

Yin Ma is gentle and virtuous, respects children, and is kind-hearted. It is her careful cultivation of Eunxi for more than ten years that gives her strong energy to face the difficulties of her original family as an adult.

The way a child is educated in childhood determines the child's lifelong character.

It's hard to imagine, if the two little girls never changed their lives and stayed on their original tracks, what would their lives be like?

We always say that this child is a bad child and has character flaws. These are all innate. In fact, they are not born like this.

Their causes are the fruits planted by their parents.

02 How is the child who was stolen by the nanny doing now?

I once watched a talk show titled "Someone else has passed my life", which introduced the case of a nanny stealing a child.

More than 20 years ago, the nanny stole the hostess's one-year-old son and took him back to her hometown, but did not raise him seriously. She often left him with relatives to be fostered everywhere. The child had lived a wandering life since he was a child.

Many years passed. When the child grew up, he was renamed Liu Jinxin. He dropped out of junior high school before graduating. He lived a wandering life outside for many years. After falling out of love, he became an alcoholic. He lived at home and lost his life at a young age. He suffered a stomach perforation at a young age and became mentally depressed. His head full of white hair showed the vicissitudes of life that were extremely inappropriate for his age.

The nanny was like destroying a game account. She said to her 27-year-old "son" who had given up on himself, I can't control you anymore. You go to your hometown to find your parents! She found Liu Jinxin's biological father and mother through the media, and wanted to return this useless son who might be a drag on her to the mistress.

Only then did he realize that the mother he had called for many years was not his real mother. He had been abducted by her many years ago... and the family of Zhu Xiaojuan, his biological mother over there, learned that their son had been abducted by a nanny. After he left, he searched hard and finally found a boy many years later. Due to a mistake in the court's paternity test, he mistakenly thought he was his biological son and brought him back for more than 20 years. The "fake son" was very successful in his education and grew up. A talented person working in the financial industry.In an interview with

, Liu Jinxin said that she tried not to think about what if I had not lost it at that time, what if I lived in this family, there are many what-ifs, it is meaningless. He said that all of his childhood memories at his nanny's house were related to fear. He used to be beaten often by the nanny's ex-husband. He couldn't remember exactly how he was beaten, but until now he still remembered how when he was a few years old, he would sit in the living room and not dare to move when he heard the sound of a motorcycle.

Just imagine how different his life would be if he had not been taken away by a nanny and had grown up in his native family with knowledgeable and educated parents who loved him! Growing up in a normal environment, he is likely to have a happy childhood like his brothers, finish college, find a good job, and have a beautiful vision of life, instead of living in pain and suffering!

Raising children is like farming. Parents will receive fruits according to the labor they put in.. A family's attitude towards raising children determines the child's fate. Whether we want to admit it or not, this subtle influence is deeply rooted in the bone marrow, whether it is positive or negative.

03 How to transcend the influence of the original family?

Ma Dong asked in " strange talk about " that many people attribute all the dissatisfaction and dissatisfaction when they grow up, the problems that cannot be changed, the psychological barriers that cannot be overcome, and the thresholds of dealing with others that cannot be passed, all attributed to the original Family, is it that serious? A psychologist answered affirmatively that no matter how much time is spent, it is difficult to let go of the pain of the original family.

It is true that the native family will greatly affect you, but it will not determine what kind of person you become .

None of us can choose what kind of family we are born into. Being born into a good family with loving parents and well-educated parents is certainly worthy of congratulations. If you find that your family of origin has led you into a ditch, and you don’t have to give up in the ditch, you should quickly struggle to get up, or even help your parents.

Recognize the causes of certain personality disadvantages in yourself as early as possible, and then minimize the negative impact it has on yourself.

Ronald Richardson, the author of "Beyond the Family of Origin", said that in we need to achieve self-correction through differentiation. His views in the book are worth reference.

When you make up your mind to change the way you get along with your family, your family may not adapt. Under normal circumstances, they will make a three-stage response: attack and criticize ; induce and persuade; threaten and warn .

For these reactions, we must anticipate and find ways to deal with them before we decide to make changes.

Who else can I rely on in this world besides myself? The most important thing is to grow up quickly and give myself a sense of security.

Just like Takeshi Kitano said, the most important outcome in life is: one day we must learn to reconcile with our ordinary and imperfect parents. One day we must learn to make peace with ourselves and the world, no matter it looks beautiful or ugly to you.

[Fly in August and a half, a freelance writer and a mother with opinions, sharing reading and life. Welcome to share, please indicate the source when reprinting. 】