Different from modern free love, ancient marriages emphasized the parents' orders and the matchmaker's words. Many times, the couple entered the marriage hall without even meeting each other.
is like this in the past. To modern people, it seems like a hasty pairing method, but two people who love each other can often live together for a long time. Why is this?
In fact, ancient matchmakers also had huge professional risks. If they introduced two inappropriate people together, they would also cause bad trouble.
So for a long time, matchmakers have also summarized their own code of conduct. For example, "men should not marry five, and women should not marry six" is the experience that matchmakers have summarized. So what's the point of "If you don't marry , you won't marry , but if you don't marry , you won't marry six"?
Three basic principles of not marrying or not
Whether it is a man who does not marry or a woman who does not marry, there are three basic principles. If you violate these three principles, no matter you are a man or a woman, the matchmaker will not easily introduce you, unless you want to correct it in time.
The three basic principles are greed for money, unfilial piety, and extreme personality. These three principles of are actually implemented in China's entire Confucian thought culture. For example, the first point is "greed for money". Different from today's market economy society, we recognize the big hands of the market regulating economy, and everyone should work hard to make money.
In ancient times, no matter what the internal logic was, in terms of face, everyone still maintained that noble moral character was more respected than wealth, and even the status of businessmen in the entire society was not high.
Businessmen earn money through their own reasonable management, and while making money, they also try their best to ensure their reputation. It is best to seek the name of "Confucian businessman". Their social status is not high, let alone a "money-greedy" person.
Once you are labeled as "money-greedy", not only will it be difficult for you to get married, but you will also have difficulties in all walks of life, so matchmakers will not introduce people who are greedy for money.
The other is "unfilial piety", the so-called " hundred virtues are filial piety first", and in ancient times, it was also about "parents' orders". If you don't obey your parents and still want to get married, it is like making false claims to overthrow the leader under the nose of the company leader.
Therefore, not only matchmakers dare not introduce unfilial people, but also parents, who are unwilling to pay attention to their children's marriage. Of course, there are also children who dote on their children. Even if their children do bad things, they will swallow it and maintain their children's reputation of "filial piety".
The third point is his extreme personality. In fact, whether it is ancient or modern, in traditional Chinese culture, the requirement for character is always "gentle and restrained". Whether it is in public or in private conversations, it requires self-cultivation, which has certain requirements for a person's character.
Imagine a person with an extreme personality who gets furious when encountering the smallest things. If something big happens, how can he calm down and calmly judge the current situation and make the best choice.
This is especially true for women. Once they have an extreme personality and do something harmful to their family, they will be discussed by everyone and bear greater pressure from public opinion.
Both men and women must abide by these three points. In addition to these two points, there are other requirements for men and women respectively. What are they?
Men will not marry each other
Above we have summarized the three major requirements that both men and women must comply with. However, in addition to the three basic requirements, there are two other important measurement standards for women.
Don’t marry someone who is flirtatious and don’t marry someone who is selfish by nature. Different from the above three points, the latter two points are more requirements for women, because in the past it was polygamy, and one husband was allowed to have concubines.
On the one hand, this is a moral requirement for women. Even now, I am afraid that no boy can accept his wife's flirting with others. There must be a lot of male girlfriends.
But on the other hand, it also carries with it the bad male chauvinism of ancient times. Women are not allowed to be frivolous, but are men acceptable? But this was allowed under ancient moral standards of conduct.
As a girl, you can't accept this. You just want to be able to stay with your husband for a long time. You will also be accused of being selfish by nature and not generous enough to handle family affairs.
Why do these two points look weird? The root cause of this matter is the ancient small-scale peasant economy. Women are not economically independent and mostly rely on male productivity.
But don’t worry, because in ancient times, if you wanted to marry multiple families, you also had to have your own financial strength. Ordinary people would have already sold out the trouble to marry one, and they did not have the energy and financial resources to marry multiple families.
In addition, although it is stipulated that boys can marry multiple wives, this is based on specific analysis of specific situations, and it has the meaning of "making food for others". For example, if you marry the princess's concubine, you are not allowed to take concubines according to the law.
And the famous "Princess Taiping" in history not only married twice, did not allow her husband to take concubines, but also kept a lot of male pets by herself, and even gave her male pets to her mother Wu Zetian, and no one dared to gossip.
What other requirements are there for men? In fact, it’s a long-term conversation.
Women should not marry three times
Women should not marry three times. These three points can be said to run through the ancient and modern times, that is, "reject pornography, gambling and drugs". It can be seen that the harm of "pornography, gambling and drugs" has been deeply hated by people from ancient times to the present.
But there are no regulations. Can I have another concubine? And why reject Huang? Was there "poison" in ancient times? Because concubinage and prostitution are two different concepts. Even if people in ancient times took concubines, they were looking for girls from decent families, and they also required marriage certificates and betrothal gifts.
In ancient times, although there were no clear regulations on men visiting brothels for "looking for flowers and willows", it was only prohibited for court officials, but they would do so privately, and after all, their ID cards would not be checked.
But if it is a serious marriage, if you have a bad reputation as a prostitute, which serious girl will be willing to marry you? If you bring back some unruly disease, especially under the conditions at that time, it is extremely easy to contract the disease and difficult to treat.
Regarding gambling, I won’t go into details. It is said that gambling will lead to regrets in life. Nowadays, there are electronic games such as King of Glory for people’s entertainment. However, in the past, there was a lack of entertainment culture. Many men lost their lives because of gambling.
Were there drugs in the past? The answer is yes. We first learned about drugs in the Qing Dynasty, taking opium as an example. Later, heroin, methamphetamine, etc. were developed, which harmed the health of citizens.
But in fact, as early as the Jin Dynasty , there were addictive drugs such as "Han Shi San" and "Zhu Bai Disease" in our country. They were even popular for a period of time, and everyone took smoking as a fashion.
However, after a simple understanding, I had a certain understanding of drugs. In addition, due to the technical limitations at the time, both the addiction and physical harm were relatively small, but it was still deeply hated by people. The
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