One day in 1940, Zhang Ailing was taking a shower when he suddenly heard the bathroom door open with a "bang". The mother Huang Yifan who broke in! Facing her daughter, she took action and checked Zhang Ailing's body inch by inch.
Zhang Ailing was frightened and shouted: "What are you going to do?!"
"Let me tell me, what shameful things have you done?" Huang Yifan suspected that his daughter was still not in a perfect state.
"What are you talking about? Get out!" Zhang Ailing was about to cry.
"What's going on with the 800 yuan on the table?" Huang Yifan asked sternly.
"That was the scholarship given to me by the teacher!" Zhang Ailing roared, pushed her mother out of the bathroom, and closed the door hard. She squatted against the wall and cried loudly.
800 yuan is a reward that Zhang Ailing finally got at school. She wanted to bring it back to give her mother a surprise, but she didn't expect that her mother thought it was obtained by selling prostitution! The "800 yuan incident" became the fuse, and the prelude to the breakup of the mother and daughter began.
Picture | Zhang Ailing
In fact, you can see too many mother's shadows from Zhang Ailing. Because when he was young, Huang Yifan was also a very vulgar woman, and he did several things that shocked the people around him.
The folk customs at that time, a woman without talent is virtue. Huang Yifan, as a posthumous son, was asked to read the "Women's Commandments" since he was a child and learn various etiquette rules. What's even more tragic is that she got entangled early.
As he watched his twin brother go to the private school, Huang Yifan also made a fuss to go to the house. Since the death of her biological mother, Huang Yifan and her younger brother have been raised by her father's original wife. The adoptive mother usually treats this adopted daughter well and will give them whatever she deserves. Now that she sees her insistence on studying, she nodded and agreed.
Huang Yifan ran into the school happily, and his little feet did not confine her desire for knowledge. But when men get married, women get married. In a blink of an eye, Huang Yifan grew up to be a big girl, and her adoptive mother began to find a marriage partner for her.
The Huang family is a big family. Huang Yifan's grandfather worked with Li Hongzhang . It was precisely because the adoptive mother only cared about the good family and did not pay attention to character that she found Li Hongzhang's grandson Zhang Zhiyi , a free and indulgent playboy. In 1915, Huang Yifan married Zhang Tingzhong .
After marriage, Zhang Zhiyi was doing nothing all day long and knew how to recite poems. Huang Yifan couldn't stand it and advised him, "You should go out and have a walk in society."
Zhang Zhiyi looked indifferent and waved his hands repeatedly, "What can I do if I am like this?"
Zhang Zhiyi began to smoke smoke, gambling, and go shopping in the kilns. He lived a daze every day, and even the last little literary talent was wiped out. Even though his wife gave birth to her daughter, , Zhang Ying, and her son, Zhang Zijing, successfully completed the task of inheriting the family line, this husband's bad habit is still difficult to change. The two young children often hear the sound of pounding things from their parents' rooms, which makes their childhood full of fear and anxiety.
Later, Zhang Zhiyi was so angry that he took a prostitute home to be his concubine. What is ridiculous is that once he was smashed into his head with a spittoon by the other party.
Picture | Huang Yifan
Huang Yifan is not an old-fashioned woman who is obedient. She simply ignores her husband who is unable to support her and tries to find fun in her dull life. She curled her hair, applied bright lipstick, and wore a stylish suit, pleated skirt and high heels. In the eyes of his daughter Zhang Ying, the mother at that time was the one who stood in front of the mirror and made her "enviously envious". Zhang Ying stared at her for a long time, "I can't wait to grow up."
The May Fourth Movement opened its horizons. Huang Yifan read "New Youth" and "Women's Times", invited the teacher to learn piano, and he was the leader on the card table. The red nails with one hand were particularly dazzling on the dance floor. Huang Yifan always wanted to escape from this family and take a look at the Western world outside.
Maybe it was destined, and the Western world really waved to her. The reason is that her sister-in-law, Zhang Maoyuan, was about to study in the UK. Huang Yifan took the opportunity to propose that Zhang Maoyuan was still young and she wanted to accompany her to study abroad in the name of her guardian.Both women accepted the new ideas, appreciated each other, formed a female alliance, and wanted to protest the old-style ideas by running away together.
Before that, Huang Yifan's adoptive mother passed away, and most of the Huang family's property fell on her and her younger brother. The younger brother could share the property and real estate at home, and Huang Yifan got all the priceless antiques and jewelry. She has achieved financial freedom and is of course more confident to move to the wonderful world outside.
When Zhang Zhiyi found out, he cursed: "A woman who is unfaithful!"
He dispatched all his relatives to do Huang Yifan's ideological work, and even stole the personal belongings of the two women, but the result was still not as he wished.
"Unsupporting" wife sneered and responded to her husband: "Stop tossing, I'm determined!"
On the day Huang Yifan left home, her daughter Zhang Ying did not understand the reason why her mother ran away. She only knew to keep crying, and then looked at her mother and cried with her.
Huang Yifan sat on the bamboo bed and hugged his daughter tightly. She felt very uncomfortable. After all, the child was still so young, and she owed them too much after she left. But this family really couldn't stay there. She was like a little lamb waiting to be slaughtered and her throat was strangled. Life was full of suffocation with the smell of opium.
"I am a mother, but I am alone first!" Huang Yifan boarded the ship heading to Europe and left home without looking back. She leaned on the bar and looked into the distance, the sea was vast and she was in a happy mood. It was 1924, Zhang Ying was 4 years old and Zhang Zijing was 3 years old.
Picture | Zhang Ailing's brothers
Huang Yifan, who flew out of the cage, found poetry and distant places in Europe. She went to learn oil painting and was called "Ms. Huang, a painter" by Jiang Biwei; she and Zhang Maoyuan went to ski in the Alps, and their little feet were more flexible and cheerful than other people's big feet; she became a disciple and learned to sing, because her breath was not enough, she smiled apologetically, and all her worries drifted out of the sky with the song.
With her fluent English, Huang Yifan has made many friends. She appeared in the Shanghai Building, a high-end Chinese restaurant in London every few days, and the guests are all extraordinary people. She wore a cheongsam to attend a fashion gathering, and her Chinese outfit attracted the praise of Europeans. In addition, Huang Yifan looked mixed-race and had a graceful dance, which easily became the focus of attention.
Whenever the night is late, Huang Yifan will miss his daughter and son, and think of the home that he can't go back to now. Before leaving, she specifically instructed the servant to report the situation at home to her. She mailed the latest styles of children's clothing and toys she carefully selected in batches. Zhang Ying and her younger brother, who were far away in China, were immersed in the mist emitted by their father smoking smoke, and hugged these cute toys tightly. Although they do not lack food and clothing, they lack love.
After wandering for four years, a letter from home pulled back Huang Yifan's thoughts of freely releasing. It was sent by Zhang Zhiyi. The letter said to Huang Yifan: "I have driven away my concubine who is having fun with me. I swear to the sky that I will quit smoking, find a job, and be a new person! Please forgive me, give me a chance, come back soon!"
Zhang Zhiyi attached a recent photo and a love poem: "I just heard the sound of golden armor in the vernal gate, and I heard the sound of drums on the block. The scholar was ashamed to be in the book city, and the two words "peace is safe." Finally, he did not forget to emphasize in the letter that mothers are very important for their children's company!
Maybe it was because of the children, maybe it was because of the poem, maybe it was because it was really homesick. In short, Huang Yifan was moved and she finally decided to put her back on her clothes.
Picture | Zhang Ailing's father Zhang Zhiyi
1928, Huang Yifan returned from the UK, and by this time the two children had grown a lot taller. 8-year-old Zhang Ying was led by her mother, and her family moved from Tianjin to a garden villa in Shanghai. According to Huang Yifan's requirements, the workers completely transformed the interior, with a decorative style that combines East and West, with blue chair covers paired with rose red carpets, and a dining table with butter mixed with mashed potatoes and spinach. There are flowers, books, dogs, and fairy tales. Everything is completely in line with Huang Yifan's aesthetics of life.
There were also friends with new ideas at home, sitting in the living room talking about the most fashionable topics.After this trip to Europe, Huang Yifan understood the importance of education. Compared to her son, she was obviously more attentive to her daughter. Huang Yifan put her heart into dressing up Zhang Ying, taught her facial expressions and social etiquette, taught her to play the piano, learn painting, and learn English, and sent her to a new school, while Zhang Zijing could only follow the old rules and stay in a private school to study.
Xiao Zhangying heard her mother say to her, "Ying'er, I want to train you to be a woman of the new era." She looked at her mother half-understand or not, only knowing that she nodded desperately. The dark childhood seemed to shine in a bright light.
When registering for school, you need to fill in your name. Huang Yifan felt that the name Zhang Wen was rustic and unpleasant, and it was not loud, so he had an idea and transliterated his daughter's English name "Eileen" and filled in the three words "Zhang Ailing".
Huang Yifan explained to others: "My daughter will study abroad in the future and will use the English name "Eileen.Zhang" in the future, so this Chinese name is only temporary."
The good performance of her husband Zhang Zhiyi is also temporary. After only three months of endurance, he picked up a cigarette gun and even started to inject morphine. He secretly set up a brothel and took the woman home for a date. Zhang Zhiyi knew that Huang Yifan had a lot of private money, so he stopped paying for living expenses, and instead forced her to take out her dowry to subsidize her family. As the number of quarrels increases, the discord between husband and wife reappears.
Zhang Zhiyi still underestimated the person next to her. Seeing that her husband did not repent at all, in 1930, Huang Yifan, who could not bear it, hired a foreign lawyer and filed a divorce lawsuit with Zhang Zhiyi.
In that era, divorce was an extremely rare thing. Shocked relatives and friends came forward to dissuade them. The lawyer asked repeatedly: "Ms. Huang, are you sure? Do you want to change your mind?"
Zhang Zhiyi put down the agreement heavily, threw the pen directly on the ground, and said viciously: "I don't agree!"
Huang Yifan sneered, bent down to pick up the pen, and stuffed it into Zhang Zhiyi's hand: "My heart is like a piece of wood! Sign!" She looked determined, exposing the fantasy of her husband and everyone.
The news about "divorce girl" Huang Yifan spread, causing a thousand waves on the beach. She was regaining her freedom, but she was like a fish, unable to wait to throw herself into the waves. This time she was going to travel around again.
Before departure, you must first settle your two children. According to divorce agreement , Zhang Ailing and his brothers will be raised by Zhang Zhiyi, and the education costs will be borne by him. Huang Yifan can conduct daily visits. In the agreement, Huang Yifan also specifically stated that Ailing's future education issues need to be solicited.
Huang Yifan's first stop was Egypt. She was wearing a long robe as she went to the countryside, looking like a local Egyptian woman. Afterwards, she went to the United States and met a handsome American businessman who pursued her passionately. Huang Yifan was not in a hurry to agree to him. There were really many admirers around her, and some officials even divorced his wife for her. For Huang Yifan, she always has the initiative in love, and she has never really thought about who to marry.
Huang Yifan just told his friends excitedly: "After falling in love with a foreign man, he never wants to fall in love with a Chinese man again!"
In 1932, Huang Yifan came to France. She loved art and met her husband and wife, and lived with them in a building in the 15th district of Paris. She began to enter various art exchange circles, joined the Chinese Academy of Arts in France, and was dating a French lawyer boyfriend. Unfortunately, due to the turbulent situation, the relationship between the two soon turned into ashes in the war.
The war destroyed everything and changed the appearance of dreams. The wandering mother remembered her most worried daughter, so the year Zhang Ailing graduated from high school, Huang Yifan returned to Shanghai.
After the divorce, Zhang Zhiyi married another wife. His stepmother treated Zhang Ailing very harshly. In 1938, the poor girl was beaten by adults again and locked up in a small dark room. She secretly escaped and directly found Huang Yifan's residence.
"They won't let me continue studying!" Zhang Ailing said, wiping her tears.
Facing her sudden visit, Huang Yifan was stunned for a moment, but she quickly reacted, checked the scars on her daughter's body, and smiled faintly: "Follow your father, at least you have money to use. If you follow me, you have to endure hardships."
Huang Yifan knew that Zhang Ailing was in her senior year of high school this year and could take the college entrance exam soon. No one continues to support her in school now, and she is not well-off. She may not be able to help too much. But Ailing's eyes were so firm that she resolutely chose to stay with her mother.
Picture | Zhang Ailing's mother
The mother and daughter tried to get in touch again in a strange and awkward atmosphere. The result was not as good as expected. They always had disputes over money. Huang Yifan sold his property to collect tuition for Zhang Ailing, while accusing his daughter of being too expensive. While hiring an expensive Jewish English tutor, he told his daughter that she had no money and let her be independent. In short, dissatisfaction with his daughter is revealed everywhere.
Huang Yifan is not satisfied with Ailing's appearance because she is not as beautiful as her; she is not satisfied with Ailing's English because she is not as fluent as her; even if she can read her daughter's works quietly, she will not praise her in person. Sometimes when Ailing did not meet her "basic" requirements, Huang Yifan would curse: "You ungrateful thing!"
Once, Zhang Zijing ran to her mother's house and said she wanted to live with them. However, Huang Yifan refused on the grounds that she "had no ability and could not afford to support her." At that time, Zhang Ailing's heart was cold.
After watching Zhang Zijing leave with tears in her eyes, Huang Yifan turned his face and stared at her daughter and said, "I regret curing your typhoid fever when you were a child. I would rather you be no longer alive than seeing you as troublesome as you are now."
These words pierced into Zhang Ailing's little heart like a dagger. She lowered her head and dared not say a word.
Fortunately, the five-dollar tutoring fee per hour was not wasted. In 1939, Eileen Chang was admitted to the University of London, England with excellent results. Huang Yifan, who learned the good news, said to his daughter with great relief: "You must go abroad to see the outside world!"
However, the ruthless war tore up Huang Yifan's wishful thinking. The European war broke out, and teachers and students from the University of London were evacuated, and Zhang Ailing had to go to the University of Hong Kong to study.
Not long after her daughter left, Huang Yifan, who was alone, felt lonely. She ran to Hong Kong and was shocked when she met. Her mother became dark and thin, and obviously much older. What made her even more amazed was that her mother quickly regained her vitality and vitality and had a new boyfriend, this time she was a British man.
Huang Yifan brought her boyfriend to meet Zhang Ailing. The three of them went swimming on the beach together. When the little boyfriend jumped out of the water, Zhang Ailing sighed in her heart: "Looking at that half of her body, it's like a white horse, so obscene!" Finally, she concluded: her mother just needs someone to surround her.
Zhang Ailing, who studied at the University of Hong Kong, worked very hard. She received a scholarship of 800 yuan due to her excellent grades. She was planning to share good news with her mother, who never expected that her mother actually suspected that the money was obtained by her "ambiguous relationship" with her teacher!
After Huang Yifan was furious, he took the money and went out. When she came back again, he said to Zhang Ailing with annoyance: "It's so unlucky, I lost all on the mahjong table!"
Zhang Ailing suddenly collapsed. She shouted at Huang Yifan: "This is what I have worked hard to get. I can't even bear to buy a new piece of clothing!" This incident left a wound in Zhang Ailing's heart that could never be remedied.
Mother's efforts failed again. In 1939, Huang Yifan left again with disappointment, leaving his daughter to live with his aunt Zhang Maoyuan. Before leaving, Huang Yifan left a sentence to Eileen Chang: "I may not care about you anymore."
She didn't care about her daughter but took her boyfriend. The two of them came to Singapore . Huang Yifan, who was in love, didn't care about the other party being so poor. She generously exchanged a box of antiques for start-up funds and sponsored her boyfriend's fur business in Malaysia .
Huang Yifan not only pays money but also works. She plans to start the high-end market, so she personally designed leather bags and leather shoes. The materials used in these products are all crocodile leather, and the styles are ahead of the times. Unfortunately, Malaysia's domestic economy is in a downturn, and the brand lacks popularity, the store business is quite bleak. But for the sake of the so-called dream, Huang Yifan could only bite the bullet and invest.
In fact, every time she travels, Huang Yifan will sell some antiques for money, but she will blame herself for losing one object. Is the freedom obtained by consuming these assets really freedom? Huang Yifan suddenly felt an inexplicable sense of emptiness.
At the end of 1941, Singapore fell, the war burned the beach red, and the British boyfriend was unfortunately killed, Huang Yifan's love disappeared in the sound of cannons, and since then, her emptiness has added to loneliness. To make matters worse, Huang Yifan's property left in Paris, France was also destroyed, and she was in trouble for a moment.
Someone persuaded Huang Yifan to ask her to join her daughter. Huang Yifan smiled faintly without comment and turned around to India. She is like a drifting boat, docking in different ports forever.
While living in India, Huang Yifan was also in glory. She was invited to serve as the translator and secretary of Nehru's two sisters, dragging her little feet in social occasions. Over time, her popularity overshadowed the two sisters, and later she had to leave sadly.
Huang Yifan came to Malaysia and taught in a local overseas Chinese school. However, no matter how casual the journey was, he couldn't help but feel tired. In 1946, Huang Yifan dragged her suitcase back to China again.
Zhang Maoyuan went to the dock to pick up Huang Yifan. Seeing her look listless, she couldn't help blurting out, "Oh, it's so miserable!" Zhang Ailing, who followed her with her eyes immediately turned red.
At this time, although Zhang Ailing was only 26 years old, she was already a female writer who resounded throughout Shanghai; and the down-and-out Huang Yifan had reached the age of destiny and was relying on selling antiques to make a living.
Even so, this mother never thought of relying on Zhang Ailing to support her. Huang Yifan expressed his heart to his friends: "Don't say that she is now, even in the future, I will never want her to raise her. Parents are only responsible, nothing else!" As arrogant as her, her words reveal a strong sense of self-esteem.
So after only two years, Huang Yifan was about to set off again in 1948. This time she brought a photo of her daughter with her. The Zhang Ailing in the photo was exactly in line with her wishes: she was quiet and gentle, with a soft gaze, and looked very obedient.
In Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, Huang Yifan met his old friend Liu Yunxian. She was recommended to work as a handicraft teacher at Kuncheng Girls' Middle School in Kuala Lumpur. However, a year later, Huang Yifan changed his mind and thought of going to the UK, she took a fancy to the UK's welfare system.
Huang Yifan is a willful person who can leave at will. However, she is short of money and is no longer young and beautiful. She can only find a job in making leather bags in a factory. A rich girl from a famous family has become a sewing female worker. For Huang Yifan, the role change is not stressful. The bag factory in front of her and the garment factory later are related to her interests. She has a strong hands-on ability and is easy to do. Even during lunch, Huang Yifan still had the energy to write, and after get off work, he still went out to play with his friends with energy.
No matter whether the financial conditions are good or bad, Huang Yifan is very particular about home and diet. She must buy the things she likes. If it is difficult to buy, find someone to customize them. When she encounters food she doesn't like, she will throw it away immediately. Even the same is true for work. If she does not work well, she will leave with her bag and leave as she always does.
Since Huang Yifan couldn't save much money, he could only live in the basement, and the 17 boxes of antiques he brought were reduced to the naked eye. Zhang Maoyuan, who was far away in China, wrote letters several times to persuade Huang Yifan to go home, but she was unmoved. Even if there was a lonely lamp at night, this stubborn woman still enjoyed the freedom of loneliness.
Picture | Huang Yifan
Until August 1957, Huang Yifan took the initiative to send a letter to Zhang Ailing, who was far away in the United States, which read: "I am seriously ill, and now I want to see you for the last time."
After reading the letter, Zhang Ailing sighed lightly. She was taking care of her husband Lai Ya who had a stroke and was busy making a movie script, so she only sent $100 to her mother.
Soon Huang Yifan received the remittance from her daughter. She was lying on the hospital bed and she shed tears sadly. A mother-daughter fight was only worth $100.
In March of that year, Huang Yifan was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer. As the condition became worse, he had to be admitted to St. Luke's Hospital in Paddington, London. She knew that she had not had much time and was eager to see her daughter. Now it seems that she can't get what she wants.
html On October 11, 61-year-old Huang Yifan closed her eyes forever. At the end of her life, she did not squander all her assets, leaving a large box of antiques to Zhang Ailing. Huang Yifan's ashes were buried in the most remote rose garden in Kensal Green Cemetery, London.A few months later, Zhang Ailing received this heavy box. In addition to antique coins, she also saw a photo of herself. The picture was no longer clear and her appearance was still gentle. A sad breath came to her face, and Zhang Ailing couldn't help crying.
At this moment, they seemed to have reconciled with each other.
Text | Xiaogong
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