text |An Xin assistant|Snow lotus
Eason Chan once said in an interview that he likes the song "Faith Yourself" by Faye Wong the most. The lyrics were filled in by Faye Wong himself, and there was a sentence in it that said: "The sky is full of right and wrong, be my truth."
At that time, Faye Wong, who said "The biggest worry is too red", fiddled with her bangs at will. The look in his eyes was really troubled, and there was still a sly light. In an interview with Yang Lan , she said, "I don't make music to please others, but to please myself."
's phrase "please please yourself" made the Queen live like a woman envied: 30 years of debut, Has always been frank and confident, using practical actions to explain: as long as you are yourself, you are welcome enough. She has many loyal fans, including Carina Lau , Na Ying and other friends, 2 capable and filial daughters, and handsome boyfriend Nicholas Tse .
In contrast to our education, we are asked to be a likable person, but we have not been taught how to please ourselves.
Wilde said that loving yourself is the beginning of a lifelong romance.
So what does it mean to love yourself? Start by not pleasing others.
01 It's not as dusty as it burns
Tong Liya is divorced.
's " Beijing Love Story " was so popular that year, walking in the streets and alleys of Lijiang, Yunnan, they were all "ticking" songs. The male protagonist in the story Cheng Feng ignores Lin Xia The sincerity of Lin Xia finally got Shen Bing, and Shen Bing's actor Tong Liya has become Lin Xia in reality.
After getting married, she has been trying to bend everything, and was asked what to do when the two quarreled. She smiled and replied: "If we are angry and quarrel, it will not last more than 5 minutes, I will apologize first."
This girl who has been in love after marriage, did not get the happy love as she wished, waiting for her It was the incident of her husband Chen Sicheng "reading the script at night".
After another 4 years of forbearance, this marriage finally came to an end.
She resembles the former Zhang Ailing : "I fell into the dust for Hu Lan, but it may not be the rose in his mind" .
Fortunately, Liya Tong later learned to stop wronging herself, as she posted on her 38th birthday on the Weibo : "Grow up on time".
grew up, she learned to love herself, never to please others.
Tong Liya after the divorce,Cut off the long hair that Chen Sicheng likes like, speak with the work, won the Huading Award , Golden Eagle Award and many other best actresses, step by step counterattack from the humble young girl to become the heroine.
In June of this year, at the premiere of the movie " Revolutionary " she participated in, Chen Sicheng took the microphone to praise her for her wonderful acting. In August Tong Liya's birthday, Chen Sicheng sent his blessings at the first card point.
The unsatisfactory request in the past has become the active show of favor nowadays.
To love yourself is to put your mind on yourself, not to please others, do what you love, and make yourself shine.
Love is like this, so is friendship and family affection. Efforts to please you may not get true affection. But it became the expectation of others, but it was oneself who was wronged.
only live to meet the expectations of others. When you are yourself, can truly exude a unique brilliance, attract people's attention, and get the love and respect you want. This is a manifestation of loving yourself.
02If you are in full bloom, the butterfly will come by
Nobel Prize in Medicine winner Tu Youyou said: "Never chase a horse, use the time of chasing horses to grow grass." Wait until the spring blossoms. At times, the vast grassland will attract many horses to choose from. The important thing is to try to improve yourself first.
still remember Yishu ,Is Luo Zijun in " my first half of my life "?
When Chen Junsheng had nothing, she married him without hesitation. Later, in order to support her husband's busy career, she willingly gave up her job and became a full-time wife.
once thought that after marrying a good husband, she could comfortably be a little wife who will be taken care of for a lifetime, even she and Tang Jing once said: "Women just want to please men."
At that time, she naively thought that to please a man is to please his eyes. As long as she is seductive enough, Chen Junsheng can "raise her" for a lifetime, until the emergence of Ling Ling, her world finally collapsed.
"I thought my opponent would only be young girls who are charming and charming. I thought that the reason for men to abandon their wives could only be moved by beauty." She didn't want to believe her "perfect love" It was broken because of a plain single mother.
Luo Zijun lost to Ling Ling in the first half of his life, precisely because of the attributes of Ling Ling who loves herself.
Because he loves herself, her ex-husband is not motivated. Ling Ling decisively divorces and lives with her son by herself, while Luo Zijun puts all his bets on the man and does not want to make progress.
Because she loves herself, Ling Ling never feels wronged in front of Chen Junsheng to ask him to get a divorce quickly, but gives him time to deal with the divorce issue, but Luo Zijun cried and begged and had no self-esteem at all.
Fortunately, Luo Zijun is still lucky. Good friend Tang Jing’s enlightenment, rational and mature He Han ’s help,Finally let her come out and start working hard to realize her value.
In the play, He Han warned Luo Zijun: "You are not young anymore, you can no longer use your face to be the ferry boat of life, for your next love, your next marriage, your next man , You must be a useful person. When someone finds you, you must first see if you have a paddle in your hand."
When you are busy and beautiful, then no matter what Whatever you have experienced, no matter what stage of your life is, you can ride the wind and waves and shine!
In the end, Luo Zijun transformed into a confident and attractive working woman. When she no longer pleases men, is no longer humble and pleased, even if she is divorced with children, she still can't stop good suitors, even her ex-husband regrets the divorce.
No matter how bad the world is, it will not prevent us from getting better and better. The world will change when you change. When you no longer please others and spend time on what you should do, you will discover your own value and love yourself more. When you learn to love yourself, others will learn to love you.
03 Relying on others, it is better to please yourself
Bi Shumin said, "Waiting for others to love you, it is better to love yourself as hard as you can." Even if you have experienced the rough treatment of life, you can still be soft in your heart, and The warm embrace of this world. The first step to loving yourself is to learn to please yourself.
So how do you take the first step to love yourself? Three ways to learn to please yourself, you can turn around gorgeously and become a better version of yourself.
The first move: change perception,Your value ≠ other people's evaluation of you.
Sanmao once said: "Your interpretations and readings of me do not constitute one in 10,000 of me."
As in the book "The Courage to Be Disgusted" In other words, the true value of comes from the "other contribution" -to influence and contribute to others as partners. Then I realize that I am useful to others, so as to obtain the value of my own existence.
It is not self-sacrifice, but through exploration, to find the value of recognition by oneself, no matter how much, it has nothing to do with the evaluation of others.
Meyer said: "Life is up to me."
Tesla CEO Elon Musk declared that, on many occasions, "span is half of his own success. "
His mother Meyer has experienced the darkest moments of her life. Her ex-husband abused her, publicly humiliated her, and severed her from her family... constantly denies the value of her existence , tried to make her less confident and obey herself.
and South Africa’s laws at that time did not protect women,Even think that men's violence against women is justified.
Fortunately, she has not been affected by her ex-husband and living environment. Meyer has her own source of value and keeps working hard for it, as she insists: In her sixties, she was naked twice because of work needs. On the cover of the magazine, until now I am in my seventies, I have been conscientiously doing the two cross-industry jobs of "research nutritionist" and "modeling", and "wake up with excitement every Monday."
Meyer used his life to show: the first runway at the age of 15, married at the age of 22, became a bankrupt single mother at the age of 31, and can still return to the model stage at the age of 60. Even if you experience domestic violence and discrimination, you can continue to explore your self-worth and move forward courageously.
Not afraid of the past, not afraid of the future; not afraid of years, life-long growth, your value will eventually shine through your efforts.
Don’t be imprisoned by the evaluation and interpretation of others, and live according to your own expectations. Only in this way can you not be wronged.
The second trick: have the "courage to be hated"
"The Courage to Be hated" says in the book: Being hated is an inevitable fate that only you have Only with this disgusting courage can freedom be exchanged.
Adler said: "All the pain is because you want to interfere with other people's issues."
The ideal interpersonal relationship is probably "I love you,"But it has nothing to do with you". Adler believes that everyone’s subject is separate and unique. How do I love you, this is my subject, and whether you want to accept my love, this is your subject.
Similarly, if others don’t like you, it’s another person’s subject and it has nothing to do with you. Trying to interfere with others to make them like you will only increase their troubles.
is like the goddess Tong Liya, no longer wronged to find ways to make her husband love you. Instead, let yourself live a wonderful life, and get more respect.
Don’t be afraid of being hated by others and go forward courageously, don’t follow the current and rush forward bravely, this is truly mature freedom.
Just like Haruki Murakami once said: “Don’t be behaved. You can refuse what you don’t want to do. You don’t have to force what you can’t do. If you don’t like it, pretend you didn’t hear it. Your life is not to please everyone, but to be kind. Own.
The third trick: give yourself time to be alone
Actually, we should be more concerned about our own lives than how others say about us. Schopenhauer said: Only when a person is alone can he fully become himself.
knows that there is a clip on : "After get off work, the car drove to the house downstairs but didn’t want to get off, because that was a demarcation point. When you opened the door, you became a father, husband, and son, but only Not yourself."
Appropriately give yourself a time to be alone, eliminate distractions, a book, a cup of coffee, let the soul be quiet, we don’t have to run all the time,First learn to "please yourself" and then try to "please others". When you become yourself, you will think about what you should do instead of what others expect you to do.
writer Li Xiaoyi once said: "A woman spends no less time in reading poems than keeping her figure; she spends no less time in planning her life than dressing up. , Then you can put in the zero dress and pick up a fairy. "Spend time on the things you should do, and you can naturally bloom the unique value.
When you establish your own value system to live out yourself, please yourself instead of wronging yourself, separate from others, and learn to be alone, you can also work and live enthusiastically in the field you love. Like Faye Wong, love yourself hard, sassy and cool, and live a life free and easy.
In this game of life, you need to consider every move, and you can’t regret it after you have made a move. No matter what we have experienced in the past, we must take our own future path. has the "courage to be hated", follows our inner expectations, runs and grows continuously, and enhances our value.
When we stop trying to please others, we will emit our own light.
Manuscript source: [23 Autumn Leaves Writing Training Camp]
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