Once upon a time, there was a man named Zhao Laowai, who was in his thirties and was too lazy to attract maggots from his buttocks. He never went to work in the team. He walked crookedly and hunched his neck.
Zhao Laowai
He is too lazy to be famous far and wide. He has no one to give him a wife and is single. He can eat alone and the whole family is not hungry. He lived in a shabby thatched house with big holes in the windows, and it was as if he didn't see it.
At night, when I get home, I lay on the kang and fall asleep. Sometimes I don’t even bother to burn the kang.
The reason why he can survive is that he makes a living by fishing and shrimping. If you catch too much fish, you can exchange it for a few bowls of rice and cook porridge when you get home. There are no vegetables grown in the small garden, and the grass is luxuriant.
The poor family even rolled their eyes at mice and moved house. The only household appliance was a flashlight. There was a kang in the room, a pair of chopsticks on the kang, a rice bowl, and a vegetable basin, all of which were stained black. There is one Yantai in the outer room, and nothing else.
One night at around ten o'clock, Zhao Laowai drank some wine and fell asleep drunkenly on the kang. The "squeaking" sound woke up Zhao Laowai.
He knew it was a thief and was cutting the door rope hanging in the back room with a knife. Zhao Laowai thought to himself: This thief doesn't have eyes, and he actually stole into my house. He chuckled to himself.
Zhao Laowai didn't say a word and fell asleep with his head covered as usual.
The thief cut the rope, entered the house and rummaged around. The thief took a look and saw that there was not even a stool in the room except for the dishes and chopsticks on the kang.
When the thief saw a man sleeping on the kang with his head covered, he was no longer afraid. Anyway, you don’t have anything at home, and I won’t take anything from you, so it’s considered the wrong door.
"Hahaha..." Zhao Laowai couldn't help but laughed out loud.
"Oh! Seeing how poor you are, you still have the nerve to laugh? I'm blushing!"
The thief said angrily, not knowing where he got the courage.
"Damn it, is it okay to steal things?" Zhao Laowai opened the quilt and exposed his head and said, but he didn't sit up. He was lazy and even sitting up was a burden.
"I didn't steal, I just came to take a walk. I wanted to steal, but you are so poor, what do you want me to steal?" the thief said angrily.
"It's none of my business to blame your lame eyes!" Zhao Laowai was a little gloating.
Zhao Lao Wai is often alone without anyone to talk to and feels lonely. Although he is a thief, he is very happy to chat with Zhao Lao Wai.
The thief was annoyed that he didn't steal anything.
"Look at your virtues. You don't have any hair on your dick. You are in your thirties and you are too lazy to hang a bell on your ass..." The thief began to tease Zhao Laowai.
"I don't have anything, so I can steal better than you, right? Don't you blush and be ashamed, you little thief? Why are you teaching me a lesson?" Zhao Laowai was a little excited.
The thief was speechless for a moment.
"Go, go outside and bring me the urine jar into the house. I'm too lazy tonight and didn't bring it to the house! Otherwise, I'll arrest you and take you to the official!" Zhao Laowai was so angry that he had to urinate.
"Okay, okay, I'll be punished tonight!" The thief walked towards the yard.
"Don't play tricks. If you run away, I won't be responsible for killing you if I call you a big yellow dog!" Zhao Laowai added because he was afraid that the thief would run away.
The thief wanted to take advantage of the opportunity to run away. Hearing what Zhao Laowai said, his legs were trembling. I thought: I walked into the yard and didn’t find any dogs? It is better to believe that it exists than to believe that it does not exist. Once...
The thief carried the urine jar into the house and put it on the ground: "Is this okay? Oops! Hit the nose, so cool!"
"Uh-huh, okay, let's go! Close the door for me!" After saying this, Zhao Laowai fell asleep with his head covered, snoring.
The thief thought to himself: This kid is so big-hearted. He snores when his head is covered. Thieves have a rule, don't make mistakes!
What are you stealing? Through the moonlight, he saw that there were flies on the rice bowl on the kang. There is a pair of shoes on the ground with two big eyes on the toes. Isn't there anything you can do with them?
At this moment, Zhao Laowai suddenly turned over. The thief was afraid that it would be difficult if he woke up. In desperation, he picked up the urine can and ran out.
The thief carried the urine jar dozens of meters away from Zhao Laowai’s house and smashed it into pieces. He thought to himself: Anyway, I didn’t go empty.
The sound of objects being thrown can travel far at night. Zhao Laowai suddenly woke up.When he saw that the urine jar on the ground was gone, he sat up in a hurry, put on his clothes and shoes, and walked out of the door. While chasing him out, he shouted: "Thief, my urine jar was also stolen. You broke it. Are you letting me pee in the house tonight? Stop, stop!"
The thief heard Zhao Laowai shouting to throw him out, and knew that he had caused a big trouble, so he ran away.
(The author’s original plagiarism will be investigated. The picture comes from the Internet and has nothing to do with the story. Infringement will be deleted)
Zhao Laowaijia
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