Are you a "sheep" today? If you are suffering, please laugh, because laughter can relieve pain, and laughter can distract you when you are in pain. Among the humorous jokes compiled today, there will always be one that will make you laugh and bring you auspicious clouds. Follow me and continue to update every day to bring you more happiness.
01
After my husband entered the "Earthly World" on Wednesday, he began to report his health status to the work unit every day.
Today, Thursday morning, when his body temperature dropped from 38.3 degrees to 37.5 degrees last night, when a colleague in the work WeChat group asked him how he lowered the temperature so quickly, the second-rate husband said: "Smoking, you will find that your body temperature has dropped after smoking. Smoking can sterilize and help cool down..."
02
went out with the tour group, and under the guidance of the tour guide, the friends in the car had a relaxed and happy chat! During the dinner, the tour guide introduced himself, just call me Xiao Wang! A Japanese person in the
group asked curiously: Why do you always have the habit of adding a small character in front of the title?
The tour guide explained that he called him that because he liked that person. It was kind!
That guy laughed and said: No wonder you all call us Little Japan!
03
Walking on the street, a beggar said to me: "It's the end of the year! Come on, give me some money, it's just fifty cents!"
I shouted to him angrily: "I have no rest for 31 days a month, and I am on duty 24 hours a day. I only earn more than 2,000 yuan for 44,640 minutes a month. Every minute You only earn 8 cents. You spend 15 seconds to say 13 words and ask me for 1 yuan. It takes me 13 minutes to earn it back. How dare you ask me for money? ! "
After hearing this, the beggar gave me 2 yuan, then held my hand while crying and said: "Brother, the right path in the world is subject to vicissitudes of life. Join our team of beggars in 2023! We go to and from get off work normally, our salary is quadrupled, there is no supervisor to supervise us, and we are not on duty on weekends!”
04
Female mosquito: "Child, what's wrong with you?"
The little mosquito cried and said: "Today, the little flies bullied me, saying that I am bloodthirsty and a vampire."
Female mosquito: "Ignore them, they are not good things, they all eat shit. Big ones. "
05
On the way to send my wife to the airport, my wife asked me with a smile: "Do you want me to bring you any souvenirs? "
I also laughed: "Then bring me an Italian girl back! ”
Two weeks later, I took my wife home.
"I've done everything I can do. I just have to wait another 9 months to see if she's a girl!"
Son: Is mom beautiful?
Dad: Average.
Son: Do you think other people’s wives are more beautiful?
Dad: Stop talking nonsense. It would be troublesome for my mother to hear it.
Son: Why do men always think other people’s wives are beautiful?
Dad: What do you mean?
Son: You said my mother looks average. But Uncle Wang upstairs said that my mother was getting more and more beautiful every time he came.
06
I am a driver for my boss, who has a wife at home and a lover in the company (this is the background). One day my boss and I were in the office, and his wife came and said it was a surprise inspection. After a while, my lover came and said as soon as he entered the door: "I'm pregnant."
I thought it was over now.
I saw the boss said calmly: "Then just sit down and report your work to me..."
I really admire the boss's IQ. No wonder I'm just a driver.
07
A young couple just moved next door. The man scolded the woman all the time, which was very unpleasant. I felt worthless for the woman, and one day he scolded her again.
The woman said: It’s almost done, don’t keep scolding.
Then I heard the man cry and say: You beat me like this and I scolded you...
08
Last Sunday night, my wife had a dream that I was cheating on her... When she woke up the next morning, she described the dream to me.
I said: "The dreams are reversed, which means that our relationship is better!"
My wife refused to let me go and stopped cooking and cleaning for a week. It's all my work!
A week has passed. This morning, she said: "I dreamed about you cheating again last night..."
I...
09
An elderly couple are unwilling to cook. They play cards to decide who loses and who cooks, using objects in life as cards.
The old man took out a pair of hoes and put them on the table and said: "One pair of seven"; the old woman took out two gourds and said: "A pair of 8";
The old man took out two eggs and said: "A pair of eggs". The old woman took out a pair of fire tongs and said: "A pair of pointed ones" ;
The old man grabbed the two ducks and said: A pair of 2. The old woman hugged her grandchildren and put them on the table and said: A pair of little ghosts;
The old man hugged the old woman on the table and sat on them and said: A pair of big ghosts.
At this time, the old woman suddenly laughed, she farted and said: Bomb! Then the old man lost and went to cook.
010
I walked into a restaurant that paid for facial recognition and asked the boss: "How much does it cost to look like me?"
The boss said: "It's free."
I said happily: "It seems that I look pretty handsome!"
The boss said again: "I won't charge you, just get some food and leave quickly, otherwise other customers will lose their appetite when they see you!"
Henan Happy Little Fish, I like happiness to surround me every day. If you have a Coca-Cola smile, you can share it with everyone in the comment area, so that everyone can have no worries or worries. Thanks!
pictures come from the Internet. If there is any infringement, please inform us to delete it immediately!
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