1 People say that companionship is the longest confession of love. In fact, being good-looking is companionship, and being ugly is entanglement.
2 Life is so tiring. The so-called friends around me only approach me because of money. The most common thing they say to me every day is: When will I pay back the money?
3 An old farmer went to the city to see a doctor. The nurse said to him: Go! Blood test, urine test, stool test! After a while, the old farmer came back with a basin of feces and said: My daughter, I swallowed blood and urine. I really can’t swallow this shit!
4 You can hate me, but the child in my belly is innocent! Although I don’t know whether it’s yours or your brother’s, my sister has had a miscarriage, and now I’m pregnant with the only offspring of your old X family! Your father and I are inseparable, and my mother is willing to give up to help us, so how can you cruelly abandon me!
5 My next door neighbor, Mr. Li, actually competed with me about who is happier. Mr. Li: I have 10 million US dollars! Me: My surname is Wang. Mr. Li: Me, my wife looks like a fairy! Me: My house is next door to yours. Mr. Li: I...my...son is in...I: Cambridge University , right? Haha...my surname is Wang.
6 At night, the wife heard her husband crying, so she pushed him awake and asked, "What's wrong with you?"
The husband rubbed his eyes and said, "I dreamed that I got married again."
The wife was happy: "Then How wonderful, why are you crying?"
The husband said with a grimace: "But you are still the bride..."
7 A shy boy finally got up the courage to ask his beloved girl: What kind of boy do you like? The girl said: The one you like. When the boy asked again, it was still the same. He had to say sadly: Can't you have a flatter head?
8 At noon, my cousin came to my house. I happened to stew a pot of ribs and cooked some noodles in the ribs soup. I picked up a big bowl and said to my cousin: "You are young and have a big appetite. I will serve you more noodles." My cousin hurriedly waved to me and said: "Sister, I can't eat that much noodles, just give me more ribs."
9 My cousin's family of three was shopping, and my sister-in-law and children were shopping in front. My cousin really didn't want to go shopping, so he threw more than ten yuan at the roadside stall behind and bought a fake gold chain. He walked quickly to his younger siblings, held the chain in his hand and exposed it a little, and whispered to pick it up quickly, and the three of them hurried home.
10 A female colleague talks about her real experience in college. She is 170cm tall, so she rarely wears high heels.
When she was in college, there was a boy who always pestered her, but he took good care of her. She was embarrassed to refuse him, so the girl went to buy a pair of 4 or 5cm high heels to wear, and then... the boy left silently.
11 A certain man asked the Zen Master: Zen Master, does my life still have meaning? Zen Master: Young man, what do you do? Man: I am a prodigal. I drive from the east city to the west city, and from the southern suburbs to the northern suburbs every day. I run exhaustedly among many women. Occasionally when I get tired and want to take a rest, they will call me like crazy. Zen Master: Are you a courier? You will die if you are so awesome.
12 I was walking on the street with my wife. I held a crumpled flyer in my hand. After walking for a while, I finally saw a trash can. I ran over and wanted to throw it away. Unexpectedly, my wife grabbed me from behind and said: Husband, you must not be able to eat that. Don’t pick it up. I was stunned and found half a watermelon on the top lid of the trash can...
13 sister bought new clothes to try on and asked her brother to comment. He said: Ugly!
sister was angry.
brother: But he is very ugly.
sister is slightly angry.
Brother: That’s why it’s so ugly!
14 Two farm children were chatting, and A suddenly asked: Do your cows smoke? B: Are you crazy? How can a cow smoke? A: Oh, then, maybe your cowshed is on fire.
15 With unremitting efforts, I successfully became pregnant. Afraid that my son might not be able to accept it for a while, my husband sent me to have a look. Me: "Er, let me tell you some good news." Son: "Say it quickly, tell it quickly!" Me: "You are going to have more brothers." My son looked around, and with a solemn expression he came to my ear and whispered, "Does Dad know about this?"
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-
-