1 I'm not lazy, I'm just too busy to be obvious.
2 dead vines and old trees, air-conditioned WiFi watermelon, Ge You same style sofa, the sun sets, I just lay there.
3 I went to get my hair cut yesterday. As soon as I sat down, the boy who cut my hair asked: "Beauty, would you like a one-time perm? It's very beautiful!" I said: "No perm." A few minutes later, he asked again: "Is it perm?!" I said: "No. "Perm." After a while, I started to use the hair dryer, but the wind was a bit hot. The boy asked: "Is it perm?" I said: "Perm!" So he permed my hair...
4 spent the whole morning at home with the air conditioner. When I was about to go out, my brother came back, so I casually asked, "Brother, is it hot outside today?" He casually replied, "Not hot." I screamed and was about to go out, but my brother opened his mouth again and said "hot" I...
5 was on duty in the middle of the night to give patients infusions. The old lady in the next bed was unhappy when she saw that her fluids were gone, and asked me why I didn't give her the infusions? I said you don’t need to, just lose it once a day. Others lose it because their illness requires it! She was still unhappy and said, "You are treating me differently, and you are slandering me." Later, there was nothing I could do, so the doctor asked me to give her a bottle of glucose before she calmed down. The old lady said, this is the right thing. If you don’t let me lose, I will feel like I am hopeless!
6 My son and I have a common wish to travel abroad. Yesterday, my son scored first in the class in the exam. My wife and I planned to take him abroad to see the world during dinner. . Me: "Son, what is your wish?" Son: "Eat hamburgers." Me: "Talk to the older generation." Son: "Transformers." Me: "Your father has the final say today. Think about it, we both have the same wish." My son glanced at his wife timidly and said, "A different mother?"
7 An elderly couple are unwilling to cook. They play cards to decide who loses and who cooks, using objects in life as cards.
The old man took out a pair of hoes and put them on the table and said: "One pair of seven"; the old woman took out two gourds and said: "A pair of 8";
The old man took out two eggs and said: "A pair of eggs". Then the old woman suddenly laughed, farted and said: Bomb! Then the old man lost and went to cook.
8 When I was a child, my parents gave me the cute nickname "Fat Fat". When I was in school, my classmates gave me the honorific title "Big Fat". At work, my colleagues affectionately called me "Fat Brother". After my brother's child was born, I was upgraded to "Fat Uncle". A collection of nonsensical little jokes in life. Now I'm fine, my wife forcefully changed my name to "fatty" for me. My fat career has finally come to an end.
9 "Stop! You brat stayed out of the house in the middle of the night to go clubbing, and you still pretend you don't know me. Don't think I can't recognize you as my son if you put on your glasses!"
"Dad, you got the wrong person."
10 At noon today, the main dish was potato stewed chicken nuggets . Auntie scooped up a spoon full of chicken, I shouted. "Auntie, don't shake!", she saw her wrist shaking smoothly, and only two pieces were left. The aunt said calmly, "Look, you scared me."
11 When I was a child, I just learned to ride a bicycle. Before I knew it, I ran to the street. I saw an old man walking in front of me. I felt like I was going to bump into him, so I yelled: "Don't move, don't move." As expected, the old man stood there without moving. As a result, I turned around and bumped into him. The old man stood up and said, "You are practicing your aim."
12 The wife was caught having an affair with her husband on the spot. The husband picked up a knife and asked her: What do you want to say before you die?
Wife: The matter has come to an end. I can kill you or chop you down. I have nothing to say to a person like you who doesn’t keep his word.
Husband: When do I stop talking?
Wife: Didn’t you say you wouldn’t come back today?
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